-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, this blog is Pinky, ongoing continuation at blogs Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Thursday, September 27, 2018

holiday brain in 3, 2...

~started yesterday~

Finally. Got assessed into hand therapy today. Came home with a light splint, a  squeezy gel egg, and a couple of instructions. My right hand is officially only half as strong as my left hand right now. Today was the first time anyone said it's ok to use heat for the pain, which was bliss. I'm five weeks out from the surgery and everyone else is still saying use ice. Now that I'm back home in slight shock at the amount of pain increase over such a tiny amount of focused therapy baselines, I'm running into a spike in wrist pain, and now I'm seeing there is a wrist tendonitis dynamic with carpal tunnel and a whole page about the art of icing... 😕

~this is today~

My resolve to cut coffee down is happening, just in time for National Coffee Day, lol. I'm down to one cup a day now, and *bing* suddenly much more awake. Not a clue if that means I'm finally past the surgery exhaustion or it's really my system breaking a little more free from chemicals, since I'm also finally off the daily opioids now. Or it could be the cold front that moved in and is messing with me, who knows. Whatever is going on, I dropped another pound, so huzzah.

all my pix click out 🎃
Today is my last follow up with knee surgeon, possibly, unless there is a 3-month or something down the road. I have 3 more physical therapy appointments for knee and a sparkly new grueling occupational hand schedule that goes up through November 1st, which is also my last follow up with the hand surgeon. Somewhere in the middle of October I have primary care checkup and likely a flu shot. All the driving so far has flared impinged shoulder nerve on 'good' side, which lately is spiking up my neck into headaches (driving is bad, mkay), because it's been hurting to drive with my surgery hand, so you can imagine I will be thrilled when all this driving into town slows down in November.

Got my bank and calendar super synced this week. I'm already missing sending a couple of birthday cards (not cool when your dad makes it to 89!), so it's crucial I get all my ducks in a row before my brain collapses into an alt dimensional state of mush during the holiday slide. I usually have all my stuff lined out as far ahead of Thanksgiving as possible because by the time that gets here, I'm just done the rest of the year while Christmas blurs by and I stumble back out of my daze later in the winter.

Stuff I need to work on (super facepalm fail this month, I'm soooo sorry, guys) are getting back with Mike and Myke and Emily on stuffs we're working on, wrapping my brain around plugins so my tech-moderator tag is more than just a pretty badge, and writing. I have so many things I want / need to write / get written. There is always too much going on, and when there's not, there's depression, so swimming in syrup is just a lifestyle. That reminds me, I also had a great talk with psychiatrist about my super low dose xanax being a psychological crutch, and goal over the next six months is get it shaved down to half of what I'm taking now (very laughable in the medical world, not funny at all in the addict world), and from there get ready to leap off again. The gabapentin is my fallback for that safety net feeling, thank goodness it's good on anxiety along with the nerve pain.

click to get lost in pinterest
I know I get too blabby repeating some of this stuff, but sometimes I look back a few years at how hard it used to be just rounding up my brain to type a few sentences out, and I can see how easy this has become, and that it really has helped me stay on track and not slide into the decay of weight gain, self incrimination, hiding, justifying, and more depression. Eat your salads, kids.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

be careful who you laugh with

click for cool posters

Some of you know how I feel about the U.N. because alienating readers and stuff, like you do - July 8, 2016.

I've mentioned more, like if you go on a deeper search you discover I had a minecraft skin of Donald Trump (I didn't vote for him, or for Hillary) linked back in 2016 where I said "If you guys think it's too much work to learn minecraft township code, then you really need to calm down a bit about political leaders. They have a LOT of stuff going on, and all the public hype is just that, hype to keep people wound up, because if they didn't, we'd all be passive mobs like the cows in minecraft, following players around for hay and then walking off when there isn't any. (I just made a sideways statement about the un-hyped proles being smart AIs.)", and in another post I go off a little on sideways implicating Stephen King as one of the predictive programmers possibly used by the elite for the Agenda 21 blow-off callous in our entertainment industry.

I am a big United Nations interest lurker because my birthday is on United Nations Day. I know what all that creepy symbolism is, why and when it was created, and all the ways it fails in the human dignity for all department. On the cover, it simply (if you can sift through all that) states that we need to join in a world effort to stop human indignities. A little deeper reading starts revealing that these things will be fixed through worldwide programs accessible by world citizens once nations sign on. Even deeper reading, which is a bit difficult because it's like crossing your eyes and going wait, did they mean this or something opposite and then you realize they're basically (very seriously overplanning, actually) a world government with its own world police that can take away anyone's children at any time under a guise of human dignity.

All y'alls worried about the kids at the borders probably just missed that. Also, if you haven't yet learned anything about the trafficking rings, their maps across our borders, and what happens to children along the way when intervention doesn't happen, I guess ignorance is bliss. You see a picture in a planted news story designed to yank your chain and your whole day is ruined because hating. I have no respect for that. It's shallow.

The guy that the U.N. laughed at yesterday is the ONLY WORLD LEADER IN HUMAN HISTORY to have helped oversee over 51,000 sealed indictments against human abuses in less than one year, and still stacking up. No one else has ever done this. Yes, they've talked about it. They've never done it.

The U.N. isn't about bringing us human dignity, any kind of real safety, or even world peace. They represent the Cabal. The Cabal is no longer a conspiracy theory. I've seen videos of Mr. Rothschild talking about thinning out the herds, to put it nicely. He wasn't joking. You and me are nothing more than a few cents to that man, and he doesn't give a damn how you die as long as you just do it.

I used to slide my points of view in once in awhile on my old Pinky blog. I never lost readers over it, at least that I know of. If I did, I gained more equally, at the very least. By the way, Q is the 17th number of the American English alphabet. It's been 17 years since 9/11. Something to think about.

As I've said over and over, this isn't about taking sides. I don't believe in sides. I believe all that crap is to keep us distracted while they cinch up the cattle chutes making sure we don't turn back around. We still have the freedom of choice, don't we? We get to choose which chute we identify with. We feel better when we walk into the chute with the proper label over it. We happily sort ourselves into LGBT or white/color or right/left because those choices are offered to us. They even let us think we are coming up with more choices on our own and say look, we have a chute for that right over there. And people actually slide over with their heads high about being in the right line.

We're all in the same corral.

Here's what we're supposed to be doing with our lives. Make money for other people, go shopping after work for stuff we need, go home frustrated and angry about the stuff we catch in soundbytes and memes in news feeds, eat an incredible amount of junk, placate with alcohol and drugs while we are entertained, try to sleep, repeat. If that bores us, there are lots of interactive games with even more programming that rewards the brain for playing, and then we get lots of endorphins and can sleep better.

Entertainment is a billions of dollars industry. Ever ask yourself why?

Now look back over that list. Everyone in the entertainment industry is doing stuff you'd never in your right mind do for a living. Some of the behind the scenes stuff is sick. We could get into the whys and wherefores, but the point I'm making is Our. Lives. Suck. The only human dignity in this mess is being blind to the mess, but you step a toe into the frothing pool of hate, you don't have that any more. Don't equate celebrities having more wealth with freedom to think. We all know what happens when anyone goes against the mainstream, no matter how ridiculous or awful the mainstream behaves. Bad taste, to put it politely, is mainstream. So now we ridicule people with good taste, and you know I'm talking about behavior and not how we look, right.

I didn't vote for Trump. But I'm sure as hell not laughing at him. Every time someone mocks his tweets, I just chuckle and think there's another Q confirmation someone requested.

This is the first time the American people have truly been able to interact and felt heard by an American president. No wonder they are in a tizzy.

Here, have some pre-disclosure.

Or some fantertainment.


Ok, I know you want this. Entertainment is boring. The news would be more awesomer if they'd tell the real truths going on out there.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

me and java joe having a little talk

click pic to visit official site

In the shower going ok, so Cat Boy has super cat speed, cat balance, and cat ears, Gecko has lizard grip, invisibility, and super gecko muscles, and Owlette has owl wings, owl eyes, and...? Oh, yeah, projectile feathers. Had to go look that one up. In case you wonder what I think about in the shower.

And then during my monthly fibro maintenance massage the other day I was thinking about the cool ways I need to finish up my player shop on the game server. So I started work on that this morning. Took awhile because I can't count right for beans any more nowadays, but I got my Thunderbird moved over to start, so it has survived both a server transfer and a claim move now. I should add up what it's worth sometime, spared no expense designing it.

Had my first real ocular migraine over the last 24 hours. It was a lot like that in the demo pic on that site if you click over, but more shimmery. It was like a kaleidoscope edge that kept shimmering and moving and pulsing, while the center of my eye was all blurry and shimmery, but I could see in the periphery all around between the central blur and the outer shimmery edge encircling it all.

Another thing to watch, I guess. My mom had vision problems from time to time and loads of headaches, and eventually we found out she'd been having hundreds of TIAs that whole time. After several years she started having the big strokes. It's horrible watching a parent go down like that. It's worse realizing you're on the same path and you know your future.

I may have to stop drinking coffee altogether. Remember I caved and bought ice cream? It was my favorite, coffee. The last time I had coffee ice cream it affected me so badly that I dumped the rest out. I love coffee. But not enough to wind up with migraines and possible strokes. I also put off starting the statin my new cardiac doctor prescribed until after my surgeries. Guess I'd better get on that.

So today I'm dealing with this ugmo headache. I seem to be fine otherwise. My eye feels a little strained so I got back off game and after I post this I'm not going to read or watch anything. Really pushed it yesterday, to the point of having to ice my hand again, which I'm sure would make my entire medical team frown at me. It's not cute that I'm powering through and hurting myself. It's hard on my family. I need to be considerate and take better care of myself. And seriously, I think I'll make a plan to get back down to half a cup a coffee in the morning like I used to in the old days. One of my better years had less coffee in it and a lot more calorie and carb restraint. I know I'll feel better if I get back on that discipline.

I'm going to my happy place today. I'm going to shut my eyes and listen to this while I wander through minecraft in my mind and think about the weird dream I had last night about finding out the smaller rural post offices across America were covers for something, one of those wow moments, but waking up I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember thinking so that's why they wanted to shut down the smaller post offices... I think I tweeted something once about back when you could mail a child. (Feel free to check that on Snopes, lol.)

K, see ya. Hope your weekends (and Mondays already for some) are going well. 💗💝

Saturday, September 22, 2018

we love you anyway

meme clicks to source where I made it
original source is from Sports Injury Clinic (full of good advice)
discovered thru 837 pins about carpal tunnel on pinterest

Yeah, that flex up there is exactly what I was NOT supposed to do so soon after surgery, and why it's been swelled back up real hard ever since. I assess into occupational therapy on Wednesday specifically for that. My surgeon was very glad I called up to discuss it.

So this was me on the game server today, dealing behind the scenes while I dealt with a problematic duo.

click pic for a good write up about writer problems
I took half an opioid left over from my knee surgery just to be able to log back into internet. I cannot do anything but type with this hand. I'm back to square one.

Cool videos I've been watching to help pass the time while I ice my hand.

This next took me nearly an hour to watch because pausing to read all the things, but perfectly answers all the same things I was feeling about season 4. Essentially, I don't think Sherlock ever got off the plane.

I'm still working on this one because it's so long, but I keep coming back to it to continue because it's so cool.

I really do like this anon vid. Spot on.

I'm not on any particular side (the anons don't take sides, we are all humanity and should all be given the same considerations, dignities, and opportunities), but I do quite enjoy watching and listening to Julian Assange. This popped up in my suggestions so I watched it. He's a very pretty man.

Because I watch such a wide variety of things on youtube, I get all kinds of suggestions, and I filter through thousands just to watch a handful. I very quickly stop and move on if the first minute doesn't hold me. There are some really good things to see, and I'm so thankful I live in a time where I can see so much with so little effort and cost while I am stuck not being able to use my hand very well.

#transparency I was once stood up by a guy who couldn't tell me he was an alcoholic. He had already come out as gay years before to me in a very bad area to be gay, but he chose to get shitface wasted and get picked up by another guy and then couldn't face calling me up to cancel, which I'd have been ok with. What he didn't know was that I am an alcoholic, too, and I'm pretty sure I've been much worse places than he's ever dreamed. You know what? Let it go. Just be you, guys. Own your guilt, your pain, your fails, and be human with the rest of us. We love you anyway.

Friday, September 21, 2018


from my private collection circa 2007
click pic for source
Here is proof I took that pic.

I'm constantly seeing people share beautiful pix on medias saying they took the pix themselves, but they never source themselves. Guys, this is how you source yourself. Link back to storage.

I just feel like the world is getting so much sloppier nowadays. And then everyone runs to Snopes to prove whether something is true or not. All Snopes does is source something. That's all. The very best they can do is prove where the original source as of what is currently cached in search engines is from. And 'cached' disappears after a timer tics down. If content isn't brought back up by the owner for the web crawlers to keep caching, they eventually just drop off the radar.

I've been sourcing material for many years. I am one of the very few Lexx fans in the United States that still properly sources really old material, especially when the links start breaking. I am very good at researching original source content. When people poke me with "Snopes said that isn't true", they fail to understand that Snopes can only verify what they can find in researches. They cannot say without a doubt that a picture from 1994 was saved on someone's A drive before you saw it sling around Facebook for the hundredth time in 2018. I still have mountains of old storage of stuff that you can no longer find or source on the internet at all, like things from other people's now closed deviantart accounts.

Why am I saying this?

Anonymous, as a generalized hacktivist group, are like me. They source stuff. They archive and properly timestamp everything that falls in line with their obsessions. Every time the web gets scrubbed of something crucial, you can bet an anon somewhere has a copy of that original content, screenshots of those original pages, backups of original servers, something. And a lot of that is coming back to bite this year.

Many people remember something, but very few can legitimize what they remember with timestamped material that was captured before it was scrubbed off the internet. So. Much. Stuff. is coming back out this year.

Those of you mocking the qanon movement might wanna step it back a little. My readers know I love stats. Well guess what. So does Q. And when Q says there are tens of millions of us around the world, I believe it.

Q has thanked autists twice that I know of for help with all the researching, indexing, compiling, sifting, and organizing content data and lots and lots of timestamps. Autists are my people.

O_O  *live blogging*

I wish I had caught that before I clicked to close a tab. I had a facebook tab open and as I moved my mouse up and clicked I noticed a speaker symbol in the tab. You know that symbol that is used for turning up volume, or like when you put your phone on speaker phone? That was showing up in the tab. I've never seen that happen on facebook before. Interestingly, @bonenado had just come home from a political rally and we had just been talking. I guess when they say you can be heard any time, they mean it. I have chat turned off on my facebook, audio is turned completely off, mics are off, and that speaker symbol in the tab obviously meant the opposite of mute.


Ok, back to my thing. People new to Q stuff have no idea we've been getting daily briefings from a White House insider who is in charge of what's going on in the military. We knew so many things months ahead of what came out on mainstream news. We've known since the holidays last year this huge thing was going down. We've been part of the dissemination and even the discussion. We've been told that the reason we've been getting information like this is because they are doing everything in their power to hold back a very real war. We are literally IN World War III right now. They have been planning this for years, with one of the top priorities being as little loss of life as possible, and keeping people as calm as possible, no inciting, no rioting, no looting and tearing up cities. The whole point is to save the people.

What are we being saved from?
  • Lifetime debt slavery with no escape.
  • Being culled against our knowledge and our will.
  • Being trafficked for greed and sport.
  • Being lied to by our governments around the world.

We are being saved from very wealthy people who buy off (or murder, if they can't be bought off) inventors of anything and everything that will make life easier and more affordable, because we can't be allowed to be free of our bonds. These very wealthy people already know about cancer cures, cars that run on water, free and cheaper energy models, and ways to easily feed the world and give us all health care, but that wouldn't keep them rich, would it?

Insurance fraud is a very messy game. Don't look too closely at it. Insurance is a form of frauding people out of promised care. Something to think about. Our entire medical industry is dictated by the insurance industry. Our medical diagnostic policies are dictated by big pharma. Something to think about.

The working class works so hard to get so little back. The people pay out of pocket for being taken care of and still aren't taken care of. We are encouraged to blame the dependent, but if we'll notice, there are lots more people running and employed in giant offices shunting paperwork around the dependent than there are dependent on the programs. If you looked at all the incomes and perks from those people in those offices and compared them to the people on the programs, you would wonder if that was an elaborate money laundering scheme, since the people on the programs still remain so destitute.

I was once nearly brought into lawsuit by the state for frauding the welfare system because my caseworker didn't tell me that being restatused from college student to grad student without me doing the proper paperwork meant I was abusing the system for illegal gain. Nothing else in my life changed. I was eating a can of corn for supper so my kid would be able to eat all month, I had no furniture, and I didn't have child support. The paperwork problem was not my fault, but I was nearly sued because someone making real money with perks didn't do their job correctly and I fell through the cracks. Thankfully my life has moved on and things are a bit better now.

There are many people like me, falling through cracks.

Q and the anons want to save us from this mess. They want to clean up the mess. They want to fix things so we never get stuck in a mess like this again. No more programs designed by the filthy rich to abuse the poor they keep tied down in debt. No more punishment for trying to get out of debt. Unless you've been 'down there', you have no idea how hard it is to break out of that awful cycle, because for every dollar you might make, two are taken away, and you cannot break free from that. I did everything in my power to work and make ends meet and be a good person, and the programs kept me locked in poverty until I married out of it. Thankfully, there are kind people in this world.

I didn't plan on writing this out tonight. I was looking through old pics for a different reason entirely, and then that just popped into my head. I've said a few times a particular person is the reason I'm out here on the internet, because it's not in my nature to be public. I think she is still inspiring me.

It's important that we understand just caring about each other will solve so many problems.

I love this song. The fandom part is a perk in case the rest of this bores you.


Ɯнɛи Ɩ нιт α ɛʋяɛκα ƨтαℓκɛя ʝαcκρσт.

moldy tech

click for more fails

The worst facepalm this week was figuring out the reason we got such a great deal on a networkable wireless printer is because the setup finalization site is no longer supported. So we dragged the ancient printer back out of the basement to manually scan and print something I was hoping I could just send over from a pic on my phone. Over an hour on something so simple.

The reason was also simple. There is no way I'm texting a pic of my driver's license to a mobile phone of someone I don't know just because he's a banker, because when I look up the phone it's listed as his wife's phone and I have no clue if everything in their folders automatically loads to their own cloud.

Stuff like that.

I told @bonenado if we're going to be that relaxed about things now, I may as well text a photo of my driver's license to the Jehovah Witness next time they pull up in my drive, too. What is even the point of personal data if all I have to do is plug a mobile phone number into a search bar and I can see how long my banker has been a shriner and everyone he's networked with?

Oddly, plugging my own phone number into a search bar doesn't bring up any info on me at all. I know how to do that. I'm very surprised a banker casually floats people's personal info intended for banking files over his own personal family owned mobile phone.

Just saying.

For some reason, mulling back over all that in the shower this morning kicked off a memory of my dad thinking he was outsmarting 'the system' by buying the biggest cheapest bag of potatoes he could find. I was all ~ew~ aren't they rotten, and he was all yeah but you still get good ones and look how cheap they are, and I was all by the time you throw out the rotten ones and figure up the cost per pound of what you have left, it's probably the same as a smaller bag of more expensive but still all good potatoes. And naturally, he tested this over a summer and discovered that really is the case, almost to the cent.

I figured that one out years ago. You don't get 'better' buying 'cheap'. There's always a catch.

Like no site support. >=l

So the realtor asked us today at closing if we were buying the undeveloped lot across the street to prevent other buyers, and I said Well, it may seem a bit luxurious to buy a lot just to keep the beautiful view, but we've been thinking about it for years.

So, wait for the head spin, we hauled a broken scanner printer out over purchasing a lot that had nearly quadrupled in price since we moved here.

Because that's the way we roll in this house.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

oatmeal cures *everything*

Oatmeal is your friend.

I'm trying not to eat ice cream or chocolate chips. My house is a little noisier than usual so I'm feeling compelled to fake my way through an old desire to medicate my brain into a warm fuzzy place to hang out while the noise floats over. It's not bad noise at all, even maybe cute because another kiddo hanging out, but I just don't do noise very well.

I saw that meme up there and cracked up. My typos have been super outrageous since the carpal release, and trying to type commands in a hurry on the game server have put my little game life in danger so many times. I have never lost so many weapons and tools as I have this last 4 weeks. I've lost at least 3 powered up infinity bows, several silk tools, my souped up diamond tools and sword twice over, a couple of really sweet god level silver swords, and entire inventories of whatever I had on me. Every bit of it was after-surgery typo errors. Nothing will train you to travel light like having to remake all your stuff every other day. Oh, and all that armor, even my backup sets. Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny that I could lord taking my losses like a big kid over the whiny players.

I'm not into whiny. Survival is s u r v v a l for a reason.

Woops, wound up in playland.


Got a little carried away, so many little codes all over the place now surely something will get messed up. Oh well, I really need to go to bed.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

baby blob

I'm a big baby today so I got myself some ice cream. I last mentioned ice cream on this blog on June 2nd. That's right, I managed not to cave to ice cream for 109 days.

I brought up a few specifics I'm having trouble with regarding a couple things around my house while I was in physical therapy on my knee (4 weeks out from surgery, doing pretty good but still a long way to go), and UFFDA there we went into strength training on top of the tissue work. My two biggest challenges, between the arthritis in my lower back and this knee being weak and swollen from surgery, are a particular hamstring stretch (easy to solve with a different approach, thank goodess) and rising in a bathroom without special maneuvering on a fixture or a sink counter (because of my hand also still healing from surgery), which turns out to be the top number one challenge everyone in the world has anyway.

Seriously, the number one physical therapy work across the board is rising from a toilet, bar none. Doesn't matter the injury, the procedure, the arthritic condition, the age- we all get stuck on the pot. Suddenly makes sense that the top injuries in one's home, besides stairs, occur in bathrooms.

So now I'm doing extra work adding my other knee in, and of course it's been weak the entire time (my good knee, haha) because in the 7 years I've been in physical therapy, this knee arthroscopy recovery work is the first time we've done anything below lower core strength, basically waistline or hipline. Around 2015 everything shifted from core and balance to saving my arms, and now I'm finally being asked about my feet.

I first mentioned my feet in 2013 on my grandfortuna blog, but that post got pulled into private for a reason and this last year I missed my annual fee because paying off something else, so I can't go grab a quote from that or link it.

*live blogging* Just got a call from a number on Casady Dr. in Republic- Marcus, I can pull up your street on Zillow. Stop calling me.

Ok, where was I? Oh, hey, you wanna see that call / text messaging history from the 'publisher' I tweeted about today? Hang on while I get that.

Ok, there we go. Ridiculous for this day and age.

Anyway, I was talking about my feet. Back in 2013 I had posted pix of a nustep I was using because my feet were so bad I could barely walk, and physical therapy was working on getting me into a regular workout routine. I didn't know back then why my feet hurt so bad, just chalked it up to having blackened both my ankles with various nasty sprains through my life, right. Even broke a bone in my foot once. Turns out it's a combination of spinal stenosis (arthritis that narrows the area the nerve trunk runs through, compressing the nerves that go down to the feet), and real stuff that a podiatrist later discovered. I have too much bone in my feet. He called my heel spurs "spectacular" (thank you, 8 years of retail, hospital housekeeping, and hotel desk), and then added that the reason I get pain when I walk is because a bone is overgrown and compressing a nerve in a toe joint, and that is unrelated to anything in particular. It's been that way all my life. I just thought it was from running and jumping so much as a kid. As I've gotten older, the area has become arthritic, and no wonder it hurts to walk. Eventually that nerve is going to be crushed enough to just die off, and then I won't be able to walk at all. Add diabetes to all that, so faster nerve death if I carb out.

And I just ate ice cream for the first time in 109 days, so I'm not helping that.

Anyway, going back to the original original story, I happen to already have so much pain from preexisting conditions in my feet, my spine, and fibromyalgia in general that to throw a knee surgery on top of that is evidently considered pretty acute for self care therapy, so today I got slung over into leg strength training on top of the surgery recovery.


35 days till my birthday. I texted @bonenado a link to this purse, which I've had my eye on for a long time. I get a new purse about once in five or six years, if that often. I know I got my last purse before Batman and Bunny were both born, so that's over 5 years at the very least, and I'm kind of betting maybe 7. Anyway, what do you think? That clicks out so you can see it better.

The purse I have now came from the same place and has lasted forever, and it's very unique and got lots of compliments. I'm not seeing that style for sale any more, sorry, can't link it. Anyway, I grew up around out there, really love native southwestern fashion.

Don't worry, I've barely eaten about 3/4 cup of ice cream. Got a big salad coming for supper. Really getting tired of this being crippled s#*t. I refuse to go down like a whiny blob.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

tomorrow is 4 weeks out

Ug. Wrist.

So I got tired of the usual things I was running into and broadened my search on healing after carpal release.
Recovery Milestones for Carpal Tunnel Release Surgery
How to Exercise after Carpal Tunnel Surgery

Like a sports injury kind of approach, right?

It dawned on me I had been turned absolutely loose without anything beyond follow up to remove stitches and a generalized run-through of nerve glides I'd already learned. I wasn't given a time table, what to do over time, wasn't even told how long to ice and elevate. Because of this, I wasn't aware that I could do further injury, and my wrist swelled back up so hard that I was waking up with my hand numb and getting shooting pains up my fingers through the day.

I literally need to be told DO NOT DO THIS LIST FOR THIS LONG. After going over those articles it hit me I had started getting back to 'normal' way too quickly, and even though I did follow the generalized advice, I was already one to three weeks ahead of the healing process on a few things.

Skip healing and go directly to making it worse. *ouch*

So I brought it up with the physical therapist who's been working with me on my knee recovery, and she said it looked good but commanded me to get back on making the time to get my wrist elevated while icing and call my surgeon for therapy on wrist. And then she extended the therapy on my knee for three more visits. So as much as I hate dragging out and having to do this, looks like I'll be in occupational therapy possibly up through Halloween, and in the meantime the rest of my body is going Hey, what about us? Because I was doing nerve impingement last spring and we stopped in the middle of that, and the ongoing maintenance on everything else pretty much just stopped completely.

Wanna say to all the younger people out there who think you're tired and achy and whatever problems with little kids- wait till you're doing all that with the added benefit of being twice as old. It's fun.

Also, carpal tunnel problems are apparently genetic.
Carpal Tunnel? Blame Genes Not Overuse
Study Shows Stronger Link to Genetics Than Excessive Typing or Hand Use


In other fun news, I'm about to block a number from contacting me. I have never been chased so hard in my life.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

24 days out

click for source

Headaches *galore*.

Kaspersky is gone. Yay! Trend Micro took it's place. Happy joy! It has a password manager. Sweet! I can't log into anything now because all the sites are refusing to acknowledge it's authority. *sobbing*

Meanwhile, Best Buy tried to double bill me by including Trend into their Geek Squad black tie service plan renewal after I'd already purchased and downloaded Trend booooo, so now that is all fqd up and I'm srsly considering just letting that one fall off renewing. I'm sure they'll email me a billion times.

Want to be an Enderman? Click to find out how.
Remember all that old talk about lists and whatever? The top of every single list nowadays is "facepalm". I'm trying to figure out if I've triumphed into a new level of 'this is life now' or if I'm just still untangling my brain from all that anesthesia and lidocaine and I'll be honest, sparsing vicoprofen through all this gabapentin feels more like I've morphed into an Enderman, so I really don't know how I'm handling #allthethings but apparently I'm handling more better than I have in many moons of years, so what the heck, I'll take facepalm if it means full throttle thrive. I just hope I don't seriously screw something up and do the regret thing.

click for source
I can't get this song out of my head.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

getting so much experience right now

click for a Shannara write up

Random thought- I see "antimicrobial" as a sell point on things like plastic covered dish drainers, but I never see that word used on toys designed for water (pool, bathtub) play, especially when water can sit inside a toy and mold. Just a thought. Really grosses me out to see kids pretend toys are things to get a drink out of.

My. Hand. HURTS. That is all.

That is not all. I keep remembering all these scenes in TV shows where a character slices the palm of their hand for some reason, to prove they they are human, to make a pact, whatever. Now that I know what a cut that deep feels like and how long it takes to heal and how easily it gets infected, I'm imagining characters down the road with withered hands from nerve damage, missing hands because gangrene, and fumbly klutzy hands for weeks while they heal kind of thing. You don't just slice a hand and then go wield a sword. Or put a saddle on a horse. I can still barely lift my coffee cup.

Doi, here's a whole discussion about it.
Movie and TV characters always slice their palm open when they have to give blood

And another.
The Dramatic Palm-Slice: A Fantasy Trope I've Never Understood

Anyway, I can tell you everything that can go excruciatingly wrong with that palm slice now.

And I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking having a carpal release and knee arthroscopy on the same day, get it all done on only one plop of anesthesia, right. WRONG. Quick surgeries even back to back require extended medications in two different areas and I have had a horrible time coming off all that. It took a few days just for the anesthesia and local numbing agents to wear off, and I got so mean. I was eating people over nothing. The pain med barely covered both areas once that set up regular residence in my body, and then I got so sick and nauseated I had to get off it for a couple days, and then the pain was so brutal I had to get back on it, and I've been clocking out smaller doses so I can balance between the pain med and the actual pain without feeling sick.

I am 22 days out from surgery. I am still in this much pain.

They were not kidding when they said it would take awhile on both wrist and knee. I know I've had some tough issues in my life, but all this getting complicated, even with really fast and smooth healing, has been almost nightmarish to get through. I have a really high pain tolerance, and yowza.

I think the biggest challenge is needing to move around. The rest of my body is so tired of sitting with my leg elevated, my hand is overworked because I'm so bored, my neck is getting spiky pain and yelling at me to get up and go do stuff, and every time I do stuff I swell my knee up again, and this is just a no win situation. There is no comfort, no real rest without scrambling my brain up on meds that screw my baditude, and I cannot wait for this part to be over. Everything I'm reading says 4 to 6 weeks on both knee and wrist for some kind of 'normal' to come back.

I could go into more detail but the enraged dragon in me wants to set my laptop on fire right now, so I'd better just go.

Where's my distraction?!!!!!

Monday, September 10, 2018

the weeping world

Hi, guys.

This is the kind of stuff I can see on my end when proxies aren't used.

This first one knows Pinky blog very, very well.

This second one is a sample of 'random' hitchhiker apps, possible U.S. military on down time, and general social media referrals. You'd be surprised how many Near Eastern areas hit Pinky blog.

I really don't know what to say here.

I also have a number of street view snips that I won't share. Some of them I know are friends and it's no big deal. Others are people who really are trying to stay hidden and still haven't realized I literally get back yards like this, and when I go to street view I can get actual addresses, realtor info, and owner histories. From that I can get voter registration and a few other things. Random things I've caught in past are elite golf resort in France, elite luxury hotel and spa frequented by celebrities, houses in high dollar neighborhoods, and actual parking lots at libraries, schools, churches, specific shopping centers, hospitals, and from named work place networks.

I'm very serious when I keep reminding you guys to learn what using proxies is about. There are plenty of how-to articles and tutorials out there. I'm all for anonymous browsing.

I have considered that some of you want to be seen. At least one played a very extensive months-long game on me for reasons I still can't fathom.

I personally don't care for head games, and I'm busy. If you can't just tell me what you'd like to see on Pinky blog, and I'm apparently being super dense about the interest being demonstrated, I guess we're at stalemates.

Thank you for the visits. I especially want to thank those who DO use proxies and consistently check within seconds of every publish around the world. For every click, there are more unseen email notifications that don't have to click to read, unseen curators that allow reading without clicking, and I don't need to know anyone even saw what I did. That is the game I play, writing in the dark, never knowing who sees what. I throw the pages out a window into the wind.

I don't monetize, but I do see who uses (or tries to use) my content and clicks for their own income. If my words are worth that kind of time, sweet.

I hope you all have excellent days, good health, and love in your lives. Look for the wonderful in this world. We are here to learn, on the weeping world.

dang it, I hate it when I hit publish instead of save

click for pinterest

Getting back to meandering. That is the one consistency in my life. No matter what else is going on, I can meander.

Random memory from last week. I went in the medical supply shop to buy some little mask filters that medicare doesn't pay for, and two other older people were being helped. (It's weird saying that since I really can't tell any more if another woman might be my age or even younger.) One guy was being told he was due for all the things, like tubing, cushions, filters, water chamber, which he didn't understand because older people in the Ozarks are dense (it's true), and an unrelated woman on a different ticket chimed in about how she was still using the same tubing and water chamber from two years ago and never had a problem, and the poor assistant was just standing there in jaw drop.

A) You people thinking Medicare is sucking up your tax money, chill, half the world is refusing to even take advantage of completely 'free' stuff.

B) I felt physically ill at the thought of 2 year old tubing because it can grow mold in it, and I can imagine the assistant was dumbfounded how to explain respiratory hygiene to two stubborn older people who couldn't imagine anything microbial being a problem.

I am still almost freakishly obsessed with CPAP hygiene nearly 2 years in, so since these people are obviously getting along ok, maybe I can relax a little about that. I always make sure my tube is blown dry before I disconnect, though.

click for cpap memes on pinterest

In other randomness, since September has now been declared National Preparedness Month, I boiled some eggs, got brats out to cook up and refreeze, and got butter out to soften for oatmeal cookies to go back into the freezer. If power goes out anytime soon, I'll have food handy besides tuna and chips.

Crap, I missed National Lazy Moms Day.

So I'm 19 days out from surgery, and last night was the worst for pain. It's kind of been building back up, and I haven't been sleeping that well, but last night was pure suck, and I got up 3 different times for more pain med. This morning was better, thank goodness. I know there is a lot of stuff going on in my knee, like it can take up to 6 weeks to get the joint fluid properly built back up, and random swelling can cause pain here and there, but the ache was so strong in the entire leg that even my foot was aching. Could have been the cold front settling in, who knows.

When I jumped this blog over, I started a new tagging system. I don't like it. I should have just tagged whatever I wanted because now I can see it makes no sense. I might go through and retag. Trying to keep it too generalized bogs down the search.

click to buy art prints

More random. If you are kind of interested in what in the world is behind closed doors in 'child breaking', the fastest way to learn is by looking into the mind of the broken. I really like Saccstry. Once you see the emotional survival behind the symbolism, you can never unsee the possibilities of savagery upon the tiny human mind. Minds were made to be broken, remolded, controlled, according to some, and I've read that the best age to start is around 4, although that is up for debate. Child trafficking is the saddest weirdest art prompt you'll ever find on the webs, and if that doesn't scar your soul and get you off the 'faith in humanity restored' rescuing kittens memes, nothing will.

Click this for some actually cool memes
Ug, I just hit publish instead of save. I'm not done yet.

Anyway, that's basically how my life is going at the moment, and all my big cool ideas keep getting sideswiped by pain and medication and dragging my butt into therapy over and over. I'm very tired.

Sunday, September 9, 2018


click for some beautiful pictures
scroll down the page for a list of links to more Ozarks pictures
Despite last night's live tweet falling pretty flat, I had decent enough returns on it to be worth my time, plus I actually enjoyed the movie.

O_O Um...

So y'all know I crawl all over twitter and am very familiar with its structure, because I use its library system constantly to find stuff. Since twitter is real time and most people on there are either half bombed on something or just too busy to notice (or don't care), I find all kinds of patterns in the seeming chaos. I see people knee jerking their lives away. I see puppet masters making y'all dance. I see all your mood swings pretty much go up and down and in and out on cue, over and over and over. I've blogged before how every year, sometimes almost to the day, friends of mine around the world will say almost identical sentences about their depression, which raises tons of questions in someone who has a bachelor of science degree in sociology. So let's think a little bit.

What are psyops?

  • Psychological operations (PSYOP) are planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motives, and objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of governments, organizations, groups, and individuals.
  • PSYOP can encourage popular discontent with the opposition's leadership and by combining persuasion with a credible threat, degrade an adversary's ability to conduct or sustain military operations. They can also disrupt, confuse, and protract the adversary's decision-making process, undermining command and control.
  • PSYOP involves the careful creation and dissemination of a product message. There are three types of products that are used to create these messages. They include White products which are used in overt operations and Gray and Black products which are used in covert PSYOP. White, Gray, and Black don't refer to the product's content but rather the methods used to carry out the operation.
  • In order for PSYOP to be successful they must be based in reality. All messages must be consistent and must not contradict each other. Any gap between the product and reality will be quickly noticed. A credible "truth" must be presented which is consistent to all audiences. Primarily it is a component of offensive counterinformation but can be used defensively as well. 
  • White PSYOP is attributable to PSYOP as a source. White is acknowledged as an official statement or act of the U.S. government, or emanates from a source associated closely enough with the U.S. government to reflect an official viewpoint. 
  • The source of the gray PSYOP product is deliberately ambiguous.
  • The activity engaged in appears to emanate from a source (government, party, group, organization, person) usually hostile in nature. The interest of the U.S. government is concealed and the U.S. government would deny responsibility. It is best used in support of strategic plans. Covert PSYOP is not a function of the U.S. military but instead is used in special operations due to their political sensitivity and need for higher level compartmentalization. Further, black PSYOP, to be credible, may need to disclose sensitive material, with the damage caused by information disclosure considered to be outweighed by the impact of successful deception.
  • PSYOP conveys messages via visual, audio, and audiovisual media. Military psychological operations, at the tactical level, are usually delivered by loudspeaker, and face to face communication. For more deliberate campaigns, they may use leaflets, radio or television. Strategic operations may use radio or television broadcasts, various publications, airdropped leaflets, or, as part of a covert operation, with material placed in foreign news media.
Everything that goes viral is a psyop.

  • #plaidshirtguy was an unpaid impromptu individual act but was still designed to get attention.
  • #qanon is a White House supported military operation halting illegal acts against the U.S. Constitution, if what they purport to be doing is true.
  • A whole bunch of stuff in between is about yanking your chain to either awww or froth with hate- Body shaming, racism, puppies and kittens, pictures of elite vacation spots and high class cars, sports, popular movie enculturation, celebrity deaths- it's all there molding your brain every time you scroll a feed.

When you do your research, you find out how connected many of these people are in real life. They are related by family and/or college/business friends/associates (CEOs of social media platforms), they all seem to be working under an unseen umbrella (finding out facebook was established the same day a military operation was closed was enlightening, especially when pointed out they have identical goals), high paid celebrities working with companies and making political and corporate contacts all over the world behind the scenes, 'big' money/pharma/sports/manufacturing/food being run by political interests from outside our own country, and since this is all out there and easy to research, I'll just stop there.

'We' are little people. Most of us barely have enough money to live check to check. Some of us have nest eggs that probably wouldn't last five years if there were some calamity or illness in our lives. Many of us feel helpless, frustrated, and live our entire lives depressed, watching rich people do things on our televisions.

Some of you are not ready to wake up yet. This is where you click back off the page and go back to what you were doing. I don't want to trigger you if you aren't ready yet.

I like watching rich people on social media. I'm lately in and out of the upper crust gangs who say hello and stuff to each other every day, but if you'll notice, they never really talk. Just start moving around in these groups and pretty quickly the question pops up- What is their motivation? All they ever do is say hello and good night and post beautiful pictures of wonderful places (hints that they might even really be there), that they know each other (happy birthday shows up, but very differently from the regular talking groups), and platitudes that hint of covering darkness with brave but very fragile beauty. I really do enjoy their feeds, but sometimes something gets a little too obvious, especially when someone else retweets them in a row into your incoming feed. Is this a covert message?

There are several common triggers in the above pic tweets that people inside a certain circle know. Those three pictures are all about a belief system that isn't *cough* supported in mainstream, so it must be encoded. The first pic is a child/adult relationship demo'd with goats, which is an obvious Baphomet reference. I say obvious because many Baphomet depictions show adoring children gazing up at his face. The second pic is about Moloch, a god who required child sacrifice. When you see owls showing up in some feeds, they are rather obviously not about nature so much as a trigger for something else. The third pic is as NAMBLA as it gets. A 'bear' is euphemism for a man who likes boys or children. In and of themselves, all these pictures are innocent and natural in real life. I love pictures of animals, who doesn't? But as stupid as this sounds, they've come to symbolically represent human ideologies.

Not picking on anyone in particular, but this just happens to be such an easy account to demo. Mio is a real word (and the name of many businesses and companies) but it is followed by 666 (unclear whether that is deliberate), and something I've noticed about many of these accounts- nearly all of them say 'no DMs', many of them add 'no porn' (wonder why they'd need to add that if all they do is tweet beautiful pix), and nearly all of them never respond to anyone else in any way aside from their own following. They are clearly there to touch base with each other and nothing else, no convos at all, no indication of preferences or thoughts of any kind. Once you get used to the interaction, you see they are globally networked and apparently living in the upper crust, since they occasionally hint at where they are actually sitting when they take a beautiful picture at a table with a high dollar beautiful background. It's like a game they play.

I like to look up names and definitions and see what all is out there. This one got interesting.

So MIO, 666, and suggestive natural pictures about adult/child 'relationships' might really be a thing. No wonder accounts like that have to say no DM and no porn.

I'm the kind of person who walks right by this stuff because I'm super ace and it just never occurs to me. Thanks to experiences throughout my adulthood, my eyes have been opened and I'm able to see it all around me now. These things are not coincidences. They are very carefully crafted to look like innocent coincidences, but they get into all our brains. We become so used to seeing this 'innocence' repeated over and over that we essentially become brain trained to automatically associate some things with innocence until we are staunchly defending things we'd normally find extremely offensive. I see this all the time. It's very hard for us to believe, much less imagine, that a person we've come to put on a pedestal could be involved in something heinous and reprehensible, something that would make us feel very sick. It's easier to shunt it to the automated 'innocent' pile and walk past it.

Our lives are not a series of random blunders through depression. These are carefully crafted structured mental walks through very horrible things all around us by very rich people. We are virtually blindfolded in cattle pens with no way out. Our lives suck. Their lives don't.

Until you can open your eyes, you will never understand this depression you live in. You will defend your lifestyle to its depressing end because every day we are rewarded with legal intoxication and lots of entertainment. They keep us sedated while they constantly pull strings to make us angry, awww, sad, laugh at a joke, froth at a sentence, aww again...


You can turn that off. You can make it stop. Turn off your tech for a day, or a week. Walk away. I once walked away for a whole year. I left behind the brain yanking and found MYSELF. And then when I came back I saw all of it through different eyes. They could no longer brain yank me. They could no longer make me depressed and angry. I saw them yanking people all around me like puppets, all of them responding on cue, none of them realizing this was happening. I started walking among them and around them, free of my own chains. I found other free people trying to make the brain yanking stop, trying to wake the puppets up. I found the counter psyop. I found the revolution.

This revolution is very real. It's worldwide. It's strong. It's taking down the rich people who keep puppets in pens with blindfolds making money for them while the puppets live sad lives and die depressed.

The revolution is going to hurt some of the puppets who can't wake up. They won't understand what is happening. They'll be angry and keep defending the puppet masters. They won't know what they are defending if they won't open their eyes.

Please don't defend human trafficking and child sex rituals. Please don't defend the rich abusing the world while they play mind games on us. Please don't defend religions that aren't 'real'. Please pray for the ones who will be killed if they don't do what they are told. Please understand what celebrity suicides really are. Please open your eyes.

We are here with you, all around you. Don't be afraid. Be ready. Get ready. The revolution is upon us.

If (WHEN) the revolution is successful, #relasethepatents will happen and technology will be unhindered, and we will feed the world. There are cancer cures being suppressed, there is free energy that inventors have been murdered over to suppress, people are giving their lives trying to get truth out to the public.

Get ready. #wakeup (You will never see the #wakeup hashtag in the beautiful feeds.)