Finally. Got assessed into hand therapy today. Came home with a light splint, a squeezy gel egg, and a couple of instructions. My right hand is officially only half as strong as my left hand right now. Today was the first time anyone said it's ok to use heat for the pain, which was bliss. I'm five weeks out from the surgery and everyone else is still saying use ice. Now that I'm back home in slight shock at the amount of pain increase over such a tiny amount of focused therapy baselines, I'm running into a spike in wrist pain, and now I'm seeing there is a wrist tendonitis dynamic with carpal tunnel and a whole page about the art of icing... 😕
~this is today~
My resolve to cut coffee down is happening, just in time for National Coffee Day, lol. I'm down to one cup a day now, and *bing* suddenly much more awake. Not a clue if that means I'm finally past the surgery exhaustion or it's really my system breaking a little more free from chemicals, since I'm also finally off the daily opioids now. Or it could be the cold front that moved in and is messing with me, who knows. Whatever is going on, I dropped another pound, so huzzah.
all my pix click out 🎃
Today is my last follow up with knee surgeon, possibly, unless there is a 3-month or something down the road. I have 3 more physical therapy appointments for knee and a sparkly new grueling occupational hand schedule that goes up through November 1st, which is also my last follow up with the hand surgeon. Somewhere in the middle of October I have primary care checkup and likely a flu shot. All the driving so far has flared impinged shoulder nerve on 'good' side, which lately is spiking up my neck into headaches (driving is bad, mkay), because it's been hurting to drive with my surgery hand, so you can imagine I will be thrilled when all this driving into town slows down in November.
Got my bank and calendar super synced this week. I'm already missing sending a couple of birthday cards (not cool when your dad makes it to 89!), so it's crucial I get all my ducks in a row before my brain collapses into an alt dimensional state of mush during the holiday slide. I usually have all my stuff lined out as far ahead of Thanksgiving as possible because by the time that gets here, I'm just done the rest of the year while Christmas blurs by and I stumble back out of my daze later in the winter.
Stuff I need to work on (super facepalm fail this month, I'm soooo sorry, guys) are getting back with Mike and Myke and Emily on stuffs we're working on, wrapping my brain around plugins so my tech-moderator tag is more than just a pretty badge, and writing. I have so many things I want / need to write / get written. There is always too much going on, and when there's not, there's depression, so swimming in syrup is just a lifestyle. That reminds me, I also had a great talk with psychiatrist about my super low dose xanax being a psychological crutch, and goal over the next six months is get it shaved down to half of what I'm taking now (very laughable in the medical world, not funny at all in the addict world), and from there get ready to leap off again. The gabapentin is my fallback for that safety net feeling, thank goodness it's good on anxiety along with the nerve pain.
click to get lost in pinterest
I know I get too blabby repeating some of this stuff, but sometimes I look back a few years at how hard it used to be just rounding up my brain to type a few sentences out, and I can see how easy this has become, and that it really has helped me stay on track and not slide into the decay of weight gain, self incrimination, hiding, justifying, and more depression. Eat your salads, kids.
I'm trying not to eat ice cream or chocolate chips. My house is a little noisier than usual so I'm feeling compelled to fake my way through an old desire to medicate my brain into a warm fuzzy place to hang out while the noise floats over. It's not bad noise at all, even maybe cute because another kiddo hanging out, but I just don't do noise very well.
I saw that meme up there and cracked up. My typos have been super outrageous since the carpal release, and trying to type commands in a hurry on the game server have put my little game life in danger so many times. I have never lost so many weapons and tools as I have this last 4 weeks. I've lost at least 3 powered up infinity bows, several silk tools, my souped up diamond tools and sword twice over, a couple of really sweet god level silver swords, and entire inventories of whatever I had on me. Every bit of it was after-surgery typo errors. Nothing will train you to travel light like having to remake all your stuff every other day. Oh, and all that armor, even my backup sets. Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny that I could lord taking my losses like a big kid over the whiny players.
I'm not into whiny. Survival is s urvi v alfor a reason.
This isn't my usual fun stuff. Don't follow me down this path if you don't want to feel sick.
Halloween is a fun time. I love Halloween, it's one of my favorite holidays. I love autumn, I love the fun, I love everyone having a spooky good time.
Part of the fun is watching scary movies. I have nothing against scary movies. I have nothing against enjoying Halloween for the spooky fun of it.
But that's where it stops.
The flip side of the entire Halloween movie industry is that it callouses people to believing the acting and the stories in the films could be 'real'. Or, they become so far removed from anything on film being real that they can't believe real people could actually do anything like the films in their normal lives. The portrayal of the psychopath has become so stereotyped that we believe only psychopaths can behave that way, and that a psychopathic lifestyle is a singular incident that happens due to psychological stresses.
To accept that the things we see on Halloween films can be a real way of life for a large network of people around the world is difficult. The idea of actually hurting and killing each other for sport brings up enough repulsion in most of us that we can't cross the line of taboo and imagine feeling that way ourselves, or even if when we mentally experiment about crossing that line, we know we'd never really do anything like that. It's very difficult for us to believe that scary stuff about death and blood and fear is a real lifestyle that people live out all year. Not psychopaths. Real people like you and me. People who teach their children that it's normal to live like that.
Meeting people who've escaped this is very life transforming. They escape from people who look like us. They sound like us. They seem like us. You can't even imagine them being malicious. They are model citizens, good people with good values and morals. You'd never dream and you just can't imagine. And their kids never get rescued because no one believes them when they say something outrageously offensive about someone doing something. Like burying a baby in the yard before they moved to another state. Like being excited about earning their first 50 cents at the age of 11 from an uncle. Like being chased around a table by a father hellbent on rape, and then being tied down multiple times by a mother doing abortions in a basement. I personally cannot imagine a marriage like that, or doing that to my kids, but I've met people who've been so physically scarred from abuse that they could not have their own children.
I've indicated over several years that I'm familiar with death. I've also talked about walking along the edge of the underground. I've met people. I know things. I've done enough to know what's real and what isn't real. I've been places most people wouldn't believe could be on their own streets without anyone being any the wiser.
I know I am capable of things most people I've met would recoil from. Most people wouldn't be able to put their own pet or even a wild animal out of extreme misery, much less dismember and eat their own pets. Having said that, I'm very much against animal abuse and torture, and believe all pets are slaves. I cannot conscientiously own a pet beyond a few chickens after years of farm life. My kids have a couple of pets in my house and it's very difficult for me navigate around the personal triggers when I feel like the pets are miserable or lonely. Imagine how difficult it is for me to be around children being treated poorly. I feel people love animals more than they do other humans, and thinking about that makes me feel so sad that I can barely manage, so I have to shut that feeling down. The anger and sadness that people carry around constantly is very hard for me to be around, which has led to a very reclusive lifestyle.
So imagine meeting people who've done things to other people that are so awful you would never not have nightmares again just knowing about it. Imagine seeing something in a movie that is so much like something that has happened in real life that it makes you feel too sick to watch it, even though you know it's 'not real'.
If you like scary Halloween movies and want more, there is more. There is a lot out there coming out about real stuff going on around all of us. Death and blood and very horrible fear is a networked worldwide industry. There is a lot of money in providing children for parties and films. Some of those children survived growing up living this way, and now they are finding their voices. The irony is how deaf and blind the world around them is to what they have to say while the fascination is turned toward an industry aimed at fake gore. We all know that stuff is fake, right? It's fun.
Over the last couple of years there has been a virtual explosion of social media hate around truths coming out. The trolls have been relentless, while even CEOs of social media platforms are being called in for hearings over whether their networks protect this underground networked industry. The explosion around politics and conspiracy theories rage on and on, often enraging citizens right off the scent of the truth behind what is really going on behind the fronts on mainstream media.
Why? What is so bad about truth that it can't be allowed out into the open? Unless there are some very familiar names winding up in the investigations...
There are now over 51,000 sealed indictments on the biggest human trafficking investigation in human history in the last 8 months. That's in the U.S. Word is out that the UK is next. This is going worldwide. People are going down. People that many of you believe in and still fight for are being nailed for obstructing truth and even supporting human trafficking. Politicians. Public servants. Celebrities.
You want a really awesome thrill this Halloween? Start paying attention to what is really going on beneath all the hate on the social medias. They are going down kicking and screaming, and they are trying to keep you guys so full of hate for each other that we'll miss seeing what they are going down for.
This is it, guys. Halloween has come to the movie industry. Everything you never wanted to know or believe about people you adore in upper crust is being ripped open.
CAUTION: These videos get graphic and may be upsetting or set off PTSD triggers.
#PIZZAGATE SURVIVOR DESCRIBES HORRIFIC ABUSE!
MUST WATCH! JOHNNY DEPP EXPOSED #PIZZAGATE (I'm not picking on Johnny, anyone who knows me knows I have a long history of being a huge fan. Some of the things in this video are pointedly leading, but they have a point in the compiled history and some of the industry involvement. I don't care about the religion or orientation debate. The point is that the actual victims got buried under the celebrity distraction. One has to ask why. I grew up with the whole Satanism in the movie and music industry conspiracy. It was a great way to get a few people really rich and goes way back beyond the Beatles to stuff back in the 50s. I could care less about that. Again, the point is that violently murdered children were dismissed by this industry.)
Worldwide paedophile ring busted in sting operation
Snuff Films - Child Murder #Pizzagate Documentary
Happy Halloween to everyone who made money in the human trafficking industry. Time to nail lids on a few coffins. These are only a few samples, and this has been going on a very long time. You can choose to dismiss this and continue chiming in the knee jerk hate fest on social medias, but like I've mentioned in a few comments here and there, trolling anyone trying to break truth through about human trafficking and especially child sexual abuse trafficking is basically saying they're fine with pedophilia. Something to think about.
Also, hats off to those with inside knowledge who wound up 'suicided'. I don't believe celebrity suicides are what the mainstream media makes them out to be, and the very heavy depression in the industry is the cost for keeping quiet.
If you'd like to wake up more (keeping in mind that all it takes to put you back to sleep is the phrase 'fake news', which basically means you've been brain trained)-
