-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, this blog is Pinky, ongoing continuation at blogs Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Sunday, December 2, 2018

Janika: reconcile- to make compatible, consistent, harmoni...

Janika: reconcile- to make compatible, consistent, harmoni...: My tumblr is now gone. I've been combing through facebook some more, deleting tons of junk I probably never would have looked at agai...

Monday, November 5, 2018

$20K hammers and $3K coffee cups

Transition in progress.

About.me is my new hub.

Pinky is preparing to go somewhat dormant as I transition to Janika twitter and facebook accounts already in place.  Pinky is a fun interface. I love Pinky. But it's time to be Janika a bit more now.

Might make a Yablo page at some point. For now, Janika is plenty.

Tonight's a big night, tomorrow is a big day. I've been super distracted babysitting and I'm too tired to care, which is probably a good thing. Just sitting tight and waiting for disclosure. First ever pentagon audit info coming soon. I'm excited. But I need sleep. Night, guys.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

here we go

Monday, October 29, 2018

flip this earth

Accounts I have deleted, closed, or deactivated so far:
  • Alignable
  • LoseIt
  • Quora
  • PaperLi
  • Ask.fm
  • myspace
I tried to close Scrazzle, but it's still in beta and apparently they don't have any way set up to deactivate or delete accounts. I'm in limbo there.

I was going to close my Gab account before the censorship rug got yanked out, but missed that opportunity by minutes.

I was going to close part of my twitter accounts because I never play on them. I can't make myself do it yet.

Tumblr and livejournal can sit there, and all my wordpress accounts can, too.

My G+ heads up posts have gone out, and I'll be pulling all my G+ down probably by the holidays in December.

Since Lexxperience is moving to SyfyDesigns and we've got the LittleLexx 'billbored' back up, I may pull Lexx out of facebook sometime this winter. I'm very tired of facebook and have suffered real life security breaches with them several times because of their mistakes, and I may close those accounts after G+ is taken down. I'll have to plan a strategy on that one. I've been piggybacking off free hosting on social medias, maybe it's time to make a real website on a dedicated server with full tech support. I may start transferring material soon, but I'll be juggling other obligations.

Photobucket is a conundrum, hosting thousands of pics across multiple sites. They have doubled my yearly fee twice as they have grown. The content is too massive to move and reconnect all the link breakage that will cause, so I'm kind of stuck with it.

I registered a few hashtags back in 2014 and I can get them verified now, so I'm looking into that. It would be good for my personal branding. I can prove timestamp origination.

This guy keeps retweeting this tweet and it's driving me crazy. Not. a. clue. He's against the world banking system and the memes he retweets are both graphic and necessary for disclosure, but my original tweet tagged a movie director, so I imagine his notifications are looking a little funny, too. The pic of Scott Walker butt naked on a nazi flag was eye opening... Not sure how my aliens meme fits into all that unless it's a hint that the cabal is controlled from off planet, shot in the dark. I really have no clue. Or maybe he retweets and then unretweets just to get my attention so I'll retweet stuff off his timeline, but that's a jolly romp I think he should take full credit for. Heads up on the pic of the kid with his head half blown off at Gaza. Honestly, I think it's high time Americans saw the truth of what life is like when the uber wealthy stage wars over stupidity and so many lives are screwed, so I totally support that picture. If you feel the need to hate, hate on the billionaires who have the money to fund that level of crap, because most of us would have no clue how to even make a missile, much less want to live our lives doing things like that for sport. So here you go, James, Pinky just linked your timeline and you are very welcome to keep showing the world what the hell really goes on out there while we watch our TVs and booze ourselves to sleep so we won't think about how our whole lives are spent in debt slavery.

Ok, where was I. Live blogging at it's finest.

I haven't done this in months. Let's do this. While Pinky really hasn't been thinking about platform and publishing and has been a bit negligent of focusing on a personal work plan, twitter has exploded for me. I don't know if some of you think this way, but Pinky is front lines with the anons now. Pinky is part of the Q army. At first it was a bit intimidating, since most of my feeds on any media are vitriol and spew over the current administration, and I usually just don't touch that stuff with a stick. BUT. More stuff has gotten done and is still happening in the last year than has ever happened in any presidency. While people are distracted with the squabbling (I can't help picturing mainstream media platforms holding marionette strings for Punch and Judy), we've been under a state of national emergency since last Christmas, and most of America has no clue how close we came to an actual military coup. If Trump hadn't gotten into office, we'd have already disintegrated into it. The military was actually ready, they had a real plan they'd worked on for decades, and come hell or high water, they were going to step in and defend the constitution to the bitter end. We very narrowly avoided that. Y'all have Q and Trump to thank for keeping the peace so we could keep watching TV.

I've written in the past that I am a compulsive reader, and some of you know how many rabbit holes I've gone down linking things I would find here and there on the internet. Pinterest is my kryptonite, so I steer clear, but Pinky blogs have linked many official and original sites bursting with information. My blogs are read around the world by people doing specific searches, and I've had reader blitzes that dropped my jaw a few times. I'm not monetized, I barely have a real platform that I built and paid for out of pocket, but I really am taken fairly seriously as an opinion blogger when it boils down. All I'm doing is just being me.

So twitter blew up. I wasn't really pushing anything in particular, no agenda, no hashtagging to my blogs over and over like some do, no lengthy diatribes like many do, no trailblazing into forays. All I did was share what caught my attention, what I thought was important, and what I can identify with. That's all.

I've had months where I worked very hard just to get up to 70K, so 80+K was a surprise. I haven't been looking at stats this autumn because I'm dealing with surgery recoveries and I mostly just go bury myself in minecraft when I feel overwhelmed, and that seems to help me keep my emotional balance.

My engagement keeps bouncing up. I was always happy with a 1.5%. I went over 3% at one point. That is considered a bit stunning in twitter analytics. I know some people are really good at stirring up interaction and gang yap, but I'm autist and I am not a natural chatty person. I do compulsively read every single thing I'm tagged in, which on some days is pretty challenging, but since I'm multitasking so hard every day, I can't do all the click stuff and stay on track with life in general, so this engagement stuff isn't coming from me chatting it up. This first capture is for a 7 day cycle.

This next capture is for a 28 day cycle. I have never been this on fire. E.V.E.R.

Let's see what's going on. Why is my twitter going so crazy when I barely even log on, and when I do I mostly just share something that caught my personal interest. I don't tag people, I don't hashtag much, I just share something pertinent.

I have never had a blog post hit the top like this. The second one down is an actual anon project that went viral, and I was one of the very first people to see it start up and then get the tweet out from the youtube to get it translated into as many languages as possible. The third one was my usual stuff, but it pretty much tripled from my usual numbers. The fourth one down was just me feeling irked at how missing the point twitter was being with all the mainstream media interference setting off the flaming hate fires. The whole #metoo movement completely lost the point that Kavanaugh is going to help stop #themtoo, all the pedos in the human trafficking rings. Oh my god, how lost was that on the masses. Chain yank hate is so frustrating. Let's all hate the guy who is going to put child rapists behind bars, ok? Damn.

Because DAMN.

And then this. How many people completely missed that George Herbert Walker Bush's indictment went VIRAL. I grabbed it off discord and ran with it in a blog post.

Y'all can sit there and froth all you want. Pinky has bigger, better things to do. Pinky is being awesome because the mainstream is dropping the ball so badly. Click this next for an awesome cute page full of pink heroes.

It's not about left and right. It's about bad guys.

And if you don't know by now that Bush Sr is a really bad guy, again, blame the mainstream. All your dreams of the torments of hell visited on the right are going to come true, thanks to Trump and Q. All you lefties who think I've lost my mind, this is only the beginning. W is going down, too. The right vilifies Hillary, yes, but the target is much bigger than simply taking left and right down. They're taking the banks down. That is already ready to roll out. I've been hearing since last January that we need to be ready, have a month's worth of food, water, toilet paper, keep your vehicles gassed up, keep some cash on you, make sure you've got everything you need to make it through a big natural disaster, and you will survive the banking flip. Spread the word, tell everyone you can.

From gesarahelp.org

The Global Economic Security and Reform Act is a global prosperity program on the verge of being announced and activated. This program is backed by precious metals deliverable well above quattuordecillion of US dollars (40 zeros).

All 8 billion of the human population will benefit from GESARA.

And the Earth will finally be free to experience itself as the abundant planet it was created to be.

Few realize that there is more than enough gold to make all human currencies in circulation.

You can get much more super quick info with this twitter thread. FYI, the person organizing that research into information threads is a Q-appointed drops officer on discord. Front lines, people.

I grew up with a conspiracy theorist father. He followed every lead as far as it would go. Back then it was all in print or on radio. It was super rare to get real photos, especially in real time.

Nowadays, we are so saturated with fiction that we easily take for granted or dismiss reality, even when it's right under our noses. It's easy to scoff when the mainstream media platforms aren't spoonfeeding us vital information. They all repeat the same things and that's all we hear all day and night. Why might the people who own news agencies have an agenda to suppress news? We've all heard about water powered cars. Why don't they exist? We know we can charge our phones wirelessly. Why not our houses? Have you ever thought about how easy life might get if we could actually use the kind of science we see in sci-fi shows? Especially since we've had these inventions for decades...

Information is about to explode. The world is about to change. Get ready.

Wait, here's a blue pill for ya. I know that was a lot to take.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018


Saturday, October 20, 2018

Chickens Being, and turkey butt

Turkey butt. I was netting fish on a claim I was clearing on server and looked up, cracked me up.
It wouldn't be the holiday slide without something throwing monkey wrenches like my bank being acquired into another bank and breaking my auto payments. What I thought was money working out beautifully was a major payment being missed, so on my birthday, when I finally get more money, I've got to make a final double payment and then that one is over.

I have 4 days to get my driver's license renewed. Don't let me forget that. I know one year I blogged about being happy I remembered it and then promptly forgot and missed it.

I'm otherwise doing really well with my xanax taper, weight is holding steady this month after dropping 6 pounds, switched to organic blue corn chips after nearly two weeks of no nachos at all (no more supporting the big corn companies), and nearly doubled my vegetable intake over what it used to be. ASTYM therapy on my hand was like a magical breakthrough, going up and down stairs on my knee without any problems now, did I mention I'm already talking Christmas tree? Basically, having one of the best Octobers I've had in many years. Allergies are ridiculous between the trees forgetting to turn and suddenly dropping dried leaves during a cold rainy spell, but no problems with ears and glands complications like I used to get regularly. I'm an antihistamine machine this year.

I'm thinking about pumpkin cake for my birthday. I haven't had really good cake in ages, and y'all know I can't use regular flour so cake is a big rare deal. People who blow off gluten free and wheat allergies, try using flour or baking mix that is nearly $10 a pound. I have to make sure the flour is processed in a nut and peanut free facility (you'd be surprised how much gluten free is cross contaminated in manufacturing), so that cuts the cheaper ones out. Also discovered lasagna is fantastic with cabbage in place of the noodles, so I really enjoyed some good old fashioned homemade comfort food lasagna this month. Going to make more this weekend.

My sleep schedule is topsy-turvy more than usual lately, so I'm just going with it. I'm up when I feel like it, sleep when I feel like it, and barely keeping up with anyone in real time. I have been more relaxed lately than I have been in years, so I guess my body has finally turned off alert mode that I used to constantly live in, with all those anxiety and panic attacks and constant self monitoring and powering through and whatnot. I'm actually feeling like I'm enjoying myself just living now. That's never really happened before. I think a lot of it is solid consistent pain control and finally getting much needed surgeries and recoveries out of the way. I'm physically able to just chill and veg now without anything nagging my system constantly. It's nice.

Ten years ago I wrote Chickens Being.

Had a dream about the chickens last night.  Somehow they were people, but not like us.  I don't remember any more.  I've been wondering for some time what the world view of a chicken is like, what it's like to live like that.  You really have to bend your brain around just to think about not having hands, having such a flexible neck and moving your head everywhere without being disoriented, having feathers projecting from every inch of your body.  I think that would be terribly cumbersome.

And then to think about never being able to say how you feel to someone, never having real contact like a hug, the only comfort you ever get is simply in being part of a group, being near each other and hearing each other when you're scared or feeling sick.  What would it be like to not know more, not understand the possibility of these things?

I've been trying to wrap my brain around the concept of 'being' since I was a small child.  I was terrified very early that I had bones in me (grew up on a farm), and that the bones weren't *me*.  They go everywhere I go, make it possible for me to do and feel things with my other tissues, but they are the sign of death in every culture.  I carry the sign of death around inside of me.  I think I was dealing with that before I was even 10.

I won't go over everything I've thought since then, I'm sure it would make a book.  But I still think about it a lot, about 'being'.  About the possibilities we can't imagine, about the limitations we take for granted, about the horrifying thought of seeing ourselves both from the inside and the outside with our perspectives.  I think a lot of people can't really do that very well, and I don't know if it's the Asperger's, but I can peel away perspective and put it back together in different shapes and forms, and wonder how in the world can we be stuck in our bodies this way?  It seems impossible.  Yet here we are, experiencing.

I was always intrigued by the old testament guys who got to 'see God', or at least come close.  They always fell to their faces and couldn't move, and had to be stood back up by someone else.  The experience of being able to see outside this dimension of thought and mind was enough to disable them, either from terror or being so overwhelmed that they couldn't respond to the new sensations and realizations flooding their minds.  Maybe being aspie gives me an edge on thinking about it, because so much has been so overwhelming for me in THIS body in THIS dimension of being.  I want very badly to be able to go beyond what we are and see all this for myself.  I'm sure someone will have to stand me back up.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Happy Halloween, ya filthy animals!

So Bush Sr., right? I know! omg O_O I got this off the new Q discord, btw. Click this screensnip to see the ENTIRE document.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what 'draining the swamp' means. This has nothing to do with right vs left. This has everything to do with bad guys running governments. Haven't I been saying crime lords run governments? And this is only the beginning.

The major prize is the top Rothschild. I'm hoping that's a Christmas present.

If you'd like to keep up with more *actual* breaking news that goes way deeper than mainstream media blurbs and viral buzz, get a discord account and hang out with the people on the front lines of the info wars. Like Q told us today, "Information is free."

And at the heart of this war, for real, is saving the children. There is a real actual video of a particular very high up person in U.S. politics slicing the face off a little girl and putting it on her own face to scare her. That video was put on the dark web by an insider as collateral (birds sing in the cage, as Q says), and the cops that have seen it have been shown sobbing and even throwing up while they watched it. I've seen part of the vid. That kind of stuff puts you off make believe horror movies.

The question comes up- why? Why in the world do this? Because spiking blood and adrenaline with fear and pain is a very real drug. Think vampires were made up? They're real. They grow up this way. They raise their kids this way. They have kids to sell and use. Kids being sold as commodities around the world is hugely real. It's not just pedo rape, guys. It's actual cannibalism. This is on record, and all you have to do is start looking. There are so many people coming out this year with their survival stories, their escape stories, their nightmare lives with PTSD from living like this. (This hugely begs the question of why so many horror films are made- as if they are callousing us to a reality so we'll think it's fun and nonsense. It's so easy to dismiss survivors telling their stories.) 

By the way, I know my biggest traffic drive is facebook, worldwide. I see the stats. Just because no one is responding to the stuff I share there doesn't mean people aren't hanging on it. You're not alone, guys, and lurking is good. I'll never call anyone out for lurking.

Those of you still coming back to #Pinkyblog know I've been saying these things for years, mostly in hints, but this year there is a surge of people of people around the world coming out with the truth about things they've seen, lived through, heard from people they know. They are all over youtube and twitter trying to tell their stories, and the medias keep kicking their accounts. Why?

***Because rich people don't want to go to jail.***

And some of these rich people are in so deep over collusion for drug and human trafficking, illegal deals with other countries, buying off and silencing authorities at every turn, even having planes crashed to stop the truth from coming out.

This is a terrible, horrible game they play. We are at the very bottom of the literal food chain. We are kept inebriated, frustrated, distracted, and too indebted to escape our grinds, and we feel so helpless sometimes that it's all we can do to lash out at medias keeping us upset all. the. time.

For the first time in my entire life, I actually have hope. I have seen the New World Order coming for nearly 20 years. Before Q came along I had just about given up and decided there is nothing any more now that can stop it. Globalism would eventually wind up with a world police state governing all of us, and the United Nations would be our court system. How many scifi shows have already demo'd this for us? It's like they're getting us used to the idea. If you've never seen the TV show Lexx, that first episode is what I imagined our world becoming once all that was finally established.

We are in World War 3 right now. It is already being fought, feverishly. This war is our last possible chance to escape the coming World Bank of us all, the final marriage of church and state over all our money in the whole world. Once this is locked down, our freedoms will keep being repealed until we are so disillusioned with media driven frothing and depression that we will beg social services to give us anything to numb us. We'll line up for brain chips. We'll gladly become drones. Why do you think they talk about depression and A.I. nonstop?

I have hope now. I am having the best year I've had in a very long time. I feel happy and lighthearted and grateful, and every day is so much easier than past years. I had no idea how suppressed I felt just feeling like there was no escape from the daily grind of just living my life. I saw no good future for my kids and grandkids, and that was hard. All the news is bad, all the time. Well, now there is good news.

The good news at the top of this article is that U.S. Presidents are not above the law, and that no matter how old they become, they are not free of answering to the crimes they commit. The good news is that our military decided to stop being mercenary pawns and made a plan to take themselves back from their owners, the world bankers. Because that's who were telling our Presidents what to do. Our Presidents, both right and left for many years, have been puppets helping the Rothschilds and other uber wealthy families bully other countries into joining the world banking system. Behind this are many murders, many illegal drug protection rackets, many stupid and ridiculous 'wars' killing our loved ones.

They think they own us.

Well, Q says they don't. The anons can take over the web ANY. TIME. Some of them are working with the Q team to make sure all the information that keeps being scrubbed and redacted is available for judicial systems to peruse. The Q team is helping POTUS pave the way for good guys to do their jobs without their hands being tied. So many of our cop shows are about good police vs bad police. Real life stuff is going down this year, much more exciting that fictionalized cop shows. Pay attention.

Everything we need to know is available, it's out there. We have to do our own digging and researching and brain storming with other people like us, because the stuff we are being spoonfed on medias and news shows is keeping us distracted. Free energy? That's real. Anti-gravity? That's real, too. We already have so much technology that keeps being squashed out of existence. The smart people either get murdered or get paid off and sent to live somewhere nice so they won't talk. The rich people don't want their cash flow to stop.

And behind all of it, half a million kids disappeared in the United States last year. Well, 490K, but let's get real, that's an average of 9800 kids per state. How in the world is that not a national security issue in our mainstream news???

Well, it's definitely a national security issue now.

Q loves children enough to go save them.

Monday, October 15, 2018


Had a good think about medias. This year is a mess, big platform CEOs winding up in congressional hearings, some of their motives, agendas, and ethics coming into question about humans being used for gain behind their backs (and Google now helping an entire country super surveille its citizens while stifling information into state run 'news'), basic dark future run amok stuff, so who knows how many rugs will get yanked around. People left and right are closing accounts anyway for a variety of reasons, and you really don't have to have an entire fleet of medias to keep a sales platform, it's just that it's so fashionable, right.

And then there's the 5G rollout. The testing has been going on for months and several companies have announced 'live' dates by the end of this year up through 2019, and basically by 2020 everyone around the world will be on 5G. I'm not keen on 5G. If you guys think it's already intrusive that nearly every site or app you open pleasantly shoves in your face something you'd probably like to buy while you're reading something (and how unnerving it is that anywhere you wind up, every site knows what your size and color preference is), imagine 5G knowing when you get in and out of a car when your phone isn't even hooked up to internet yet and actually turned off. According to the test done in this video starting at 2:20, that actually already happens and is measurable.

So I can totally see where they'd be able to make a list of every restroom stop you make around town and then offer you something off the pharmacy shelf for the problem while you're looking at your phone in the bathroom...

Anyway, stuff is overwhelming enough, I'm plate way too full busy, and I just want a break. So I'm taking one.

Lexxperience twitter has been moved to a more relevant account. Pinky on twitter is just around for friends and down time now.

Lexxperience everything else will be moving to the dedicated SyfyDesigns server.

I'm done with Facebook. I'm fried. I'll leave accounts open to check on people and keep the fan group/page on touch base, but I'm so done.

When I came back out on medias, I was incognito. No one but the closest handful of people even had a clue who I am. I'm to the point now that if I were to go back to my own real name, not a soul would be able to find me. Even if they knew my real name, there are so many of me that I would be in a literal sea of hundreds. If Facebook ever reaches the point of routing out incognitos, you guys won't see me there again, even if I am there, because I will never connect to anyone. I never got Facebook of my own volition in the first place. I'm only there because it's convenient to stay in touch with a handful of people in private, which is funny because we can easily text each other.

I will be dismantling G+ over the winter. I know that's how some of you get notifications on me, sorry about that, but all our G+ pages are going away anyway, right. Since Google runs blogger and my feedburners, not a clue what the fallout will be on that. I'll probably download my blogs like I did when Xanga migrated in case of fail. Google also owns youtube, but since I've already nearly closed mine down, that's not a problem.

I'll be doing an inventory of all my accounts on the web and shut at least half of them down. Most of them are barely used. Beyond that, I'll still be around, but I'll likely stop cross posting links. I'll make one last cross post from here to twitter and that's it.

I'm very curious how long my old Pinky blog stuff will stay cached if I make that blog private. In the old days (ten years ago) something would stay cached for a year to several years, but nowadays things can drop off pretty quickly from search because there is just so much. So if old Pinky blog blinks out, I'm doing an experiment. You guys know I like watching that kind of stuff.

I've been planning on pulling together a comprehensive inventory of my stuff into one area for several years. Maybe this is the year that will happen, most likely on my Janika dotcom.

I'm facepalming because it just hit me I haven't checked my email in a couple of weeks again. I really do need a break.

~~~ hours later ~~~

Ok, real life.
  • I cut two fingers at the same time with a ginsu knife in the weirdest way this afternoon on the nonsurgery hand while I was cutting up a chicken.
  • That's because the surgery hand (nearly 8 weeks out now) has been super fumbly all day since it got super ASTYM'd first thing this morning. My wrist still hurts, too.
  • So I'm typing with bandaids and it sucks.


One of the players on the game server built that awesome house, and I was invited to see since I crafted and sold all that red netherbrick.

I know, right? My colors.

I could live there in real life.

Weekend was super busy. While my jetsetters came and went, I deep cleaned all the bathrooms including floors and rugs, laundry, dishes, cooking, and hanging out in game practically all weekend. If I ever learn and test on the plugins I'll really be crushing it.

Basically, energy level didn't bomb out on me too badly, hand and knee kept up really well, and my brain worked the whole time. THAT is a really big deal for me.

I'm already thinking Christmas. I'm going to set up @bonenado's Vikings tree in our bay window off the kitchen. The kids can have the livingroom for their tree.

*runs off to orthopedic therapy*

Friday, October 12, 2018

media moguls

I know, right.

~CAUTION~ There is a rant further down. Don't scroll if you don't wanna see it.

Two more months of payments until I can revert back to my original path. I'm feeling terribly impatient. I haven't been able to get into my original Yablo blog on xanga since 2017. All the private stuff is inaccessible. Same with a couple of my other blogs.

I'm kind of looking over bluehost. Not sure yet if that's where I'm going with my personal blogging.

In 6 months my G+ platform will be gone. All the Lexxperience stuff needs to move within the next 6 months. All of that will be going to SyfyDesigns.

I'm not worried about the WordPress stuff. My blogger stuff is at risk. Google is a mess, and they own blogger, which, by the way, has the easiest manual coding I've ever seen for a free blog. That's why #Pinkyblog settled into blogger.

Google+ to shut down after 500,000 users' data may have been exposed: Users may have been exposed by a bug that was present in Google systems for more than two years

Google’s iron grip on Android: Controlling open source by any means necessary

I'm pretty sure Google is breaking up with me

The Case Against Google: Critics say the search giant is squelching competition before it begins. Should the government step in?

Google admits giving hundreds of firms access to your Gmail inbox

And of course, Google has been building that big censor engine for China, so 1984 is officially live and well now.

Speaking of censored brutality, how many of you knew acid attacks are a thing in London now? Some activist groups around the world are groomed for public legal gathering attacks via throwing acid on people, causing severe disfigurement and even death. That's a real thing. Is it happening in the U.S. too? How can we tell if the media platform giants censor their news? And they obviously are. Nearly 1000 more pages were scrubbed off Facebook this week. I guess if they figure they're going down, may as well be as childish as they can on their way out.

Facebook's prolonged struggle to nullify the spread of misleading information on its platform took a bold step on Thursday, when the company scrubbed over 800 pages for promoting what it calls "inauthentic behavior."

Ok, hop off now if you don't wanna see the rant.

First of all, this wasn't a struggle until Trump got into office, secondly, it's hugely biased while child porn and human trafficking pages remain untouched, and thirdly, that's exactly what they're going down for with the congressional hearings, even though mainstream media isn't reporting it that way. The sealed indictment count is over 71K, and we're so close now to being able to legally dismantle (because human trafficking is such a huge industry, and that is a crime against humanity) the elite Cabal of world banking families holding all our countries in a vice grip that if we fail, humanity will literally move into mass slavery within the next generation. We will never have another chance after this to free ourselves of debt slavery tyrants.

When social media giants voluntarily purge free human trafficking accounts from their platforms, I will believe they actually care about this world. The only way I can report twitter accounts openly spamming the actual words "sex slave trade" every two minutes (complete with teenage model) is to report them for spamming. There is absolutely no other way to report criminal activity concerning sex and children on twitter.

Let me repeat that.


And the same with Facebook. Several child farming accounts have tried to follow me, and I reported them, and that's how I know how difficult it is to report child sex trafficking.

Number of NCIC missing persons files in the United States in 2017, by age and gender

"There were 260,977 cases of missing females under the age of 21 in 2017."

Um... there were nearly 500K missing children in the U.S. last year. How many of those kids are being kept around as sex toys? How many are sold off and slipped out of the country? How many are brutalized to the point of murder? I'm watching mainstream media bring the entire country to a froth this last month over one woman, and the ones frothing don't stop and ask what is behind all this? Why in the world is it so important to stop one man from getting a position? It's just a job. Well, it's the kind of job that will allow the prosecution of 71K sealed indictments...

If media giants are protecting trafficker rights over child safety, shouldn't someone be doing something about that?

They're trying.

I've had my fill of media bias, people who froth over someone crying on TV vs actually listening to real survivors who can name names but fear for their lives, and distraught parents with missing children being blown off by justice systems that could have done something all these years. I know someone whose daughter was abducted. I cannot think of a more horrific way to live than to wonder who is raping my child. The saddest part of saying that is remembering my first marriage. I cannot convey the sadness that sticks with a person their entire life when they realize...

493, 156 missing children in the U.S. last year. That is unacceptable. And if your first thought is Well, not all of them are rape victims, give me an acceptable number. Stand up for acceptable child rape.

Because that's what you're doing.

This rant is now over. Please pick up some complimentary nachos on the way out. Have a nice day.

Ok, I feel better now. That's been bottled up awhile.

People generally don't talk to me very openly about much. This is why. I understand it's my own personal problem and I'm learning to accept that. But I know if a single one of my friends lost a child to an abduction, they would go insane tearing up the medias.

You cannot imagine the pain until you've been there. You cannot envision a world without blinders until you've had them ripped off. You cannot understand why the world is the way it is until you see it through the eyes of the survivors. You cannot say what is right and what is wrong until you know what is really going on. You cannot trust corporate media to stand up for your humanity, your dignity, and your freedom to be unassaulted when they are owned by those who own the whole world. Why do you think it's so hard to do the right thing? Why is there a maze of walls at every turn? Because someone with big money doesn't want to go to jail.

Point blank.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

tip-toeing around regret or something

*weeks rip past me at the speed of Barry Allen*

Srsly, I try not to die a  little inside every time I miss TWD and Flash live tweets now.

Ok, so I wasn't really done with my thought organizing in the last post, due to time constraints, but let's jump back into that, shall we?
  • I have finally titled a piece I'm working on about *entire brain stifles fingers and mouth*
  • Still 6 pounds down from August. I'm hungry. Oh, yeah, I haven't had nachos in a week. I know everyone in the Force just felt my starvation pain. Thank you. I felt you feel that.
  • Cut my coffee in half again this week. Officially down to exactly one measured cup. My big mugs look half empty now. The withdrawal headache is easing up a bit.
  • The size 7-8 slippers I finally caved to picking up from Walmart this week feel like size 6. The disappointment is real. The saddest part is me having the smallest feet, so I can't gift them to anyone.
  • Now that I've managed to establish a somewhat firm fuzzy boundary around my bedroom (extremely fuzzy), my entire brain of cells is chanting TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE and I'm doing my best to plug my ears and go lalalalala.
I met a woman in therapy today who has nearly 20 years on me. She was there after reconstruction on thumb because arthritis ate up a bone in her wrist. Even with the usual 'growing old' rhetoric, which I heartily agree with, the context was still so lopsided that I was glad when she had to leave so our convo could be over. I'm still having difficulty empathizing with people way older than me who have less difficulty than I do and think something is so hard when clearly they've been enjoying more capability far longer than I ever dreamed, although yes, a thumb reconstruction sounds horrid. (She was literally able to do way more than I was with the exercise putty, and I'm 7 weeks out from carpal tunnel release, so clearly something is still wrong with my hand.) It's not so much feeling self pity as ok, I already dealt with that, is there anything more interesting to talk about kind of thing. I mean, so many other drops and mentions about a real life, I wouldn't have minded hearing about what she assumed was boring, right. When I'm with a therapist, I generally try to talk about something we both find interesting since they must hear pain junk every single day and they're probably sick of it, I know I am, and I'm not there to find new friends to whine about the cold snap with. She suddenly blurted all the interesting stuff as she was walking out and I felt so gypped. Really? You just leave me dangling full of questions now...

I looked up scleroderma, since my therapist thinks I have it. I have follow up with primary the day before my birthday. I'll likely get a flu shot and now possibly donate blood to see how much worse my life might have been all this time behind my back. Meh. It could certainly explain a few things, but I'm already beyond my personal life expectancy, so it's not really bothering me, aside from it also explaining a lot of how my mom went down. One of my sisters has sjogrens, the other has I think 3 kinds of arthritis all over her body, and other things abound as well, so I'm just not terribly surprised. What did you get for your birthday? Scleroderma. Oh, sounds nice. I am really appreciating the wicked sense of humor a friend of mine on my street had before she moved away, and I'm missing it lately. It didn't matter how badly something sucked, she lived her life the way she wanted and always presented as having it all together, and that humor was a sort of mockery I didn't understand back then. Totally getting it now.

I'm the sort that pulls back into a corner making sure other people are doing ok first. That's a tough challenge, especially since I'm not at all mousy about how I feel. I shut up because I love them. Well, poor @bonenado hears it, and I do regret that more often than not, but I have so many memories of what I thought of people around me as a kid, and I know how ugly grown ups can be even when they think they are being kind. I'd like to think I'm living up to this life challenge, being a natural narcissist and definitely being territorial in a matriarchal way, meaning that my challenge is about learning to be sweet. It's hard. I wasn't born sweet.

But yeah, I'm all swimming around in a head full of where are we now kind of month because here comes my birthday, and *bam*, Google pulls the G+ rug out from under me, and inside a very dark room I don't generally share even with my psychologist, the swears I can hear inside are making even me cringe.

Our world revolves around the whims of the uber wealthy, you know that right. I should have gotten slippers from my local sheepskin guy. I should have stayed my course instead of following people on wayward ventures over the many years, and there have been several. I should have branded by now. I should be merchandising already. *quietly rests head on table because banging my head on a wall would only make it worse...*

My birthday number is fascinating me this year. I mentioned becoming this age in my #Pinkyblog post pink is the new dark, or, my life without any meth whatsoever.

Kinda got lost in this. Cue the video!

Touch base Oct 11

Waiting in a parking lot for time to pass, so power pointing stuffs.

  • Over the last month I have cleared 216+ expired claims spanning up to 485 days since login on a game server. Disentangling multiple trusts across claims in friend groups was pure joy. I really do love inventory. I think this has been very good brain work. My retention is being strengthened a bit more, my focus is being challenged, and its like solving 4D puzzles. This is not a paid job, for those wondering what I've been up to.
  • Therapies continue on both knee and hand. Latest revelation with deeper knee assessment is that I seem to have a blank area in my mind regarding legs below knees. I've had to consciously remain aware and visualize walking just to keep from stumbling constantly, which is bringing up more questions about possible concussion damage during my car accident at 19. We've started deep tissue ASTYM on my entire right forearm and hand and the question of possible scleroderma has come up.
  • I no longer struggle with the friend concept, which has come up many times in my blogging. I seem to be done with the 'answer' to that. It's a relief. I simply love my people, whether they tolerate me or not, and most of them kindly do. The rest are easily forgiven. We are all human.
Time for my appointment now. Hope you guys have a great day. 💖

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

G+ You have failed this city

Aaaaand there goes my platform.

Guess it's time to get busy.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Pinkyween countdown

That's a home growed punkin.

That thing in my door has given me so many heart attacks today.

She'll scare the Jehovah Witness off for me.

My housemates are into Halloween. This is more decorating than I've done in years.

The Halloween hell bun chillin till the big night. This is my spirit animal.

Time to pull the ol' Pinkyween playlist out.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

it's ok to look for more squirrel pix

click for neat article on squirrel photoshoots
I would love to do stuff like that
Directionless but very focused. Today I inventoried a complex tangled mash of player claims with shared trusts. I don't get paid to do this. I actually find it mentally relaxing to focus so hard on details. I often miss doing inventory in big retail.

I miss a lot of things. But there are new things happening. I don't miss that chip in my knee at all. I nearly ran up the stairs the other day without even thinking because I thought I heard the rabbit out. I had never been able to do that in the 25 years I've lived in this house. Neato. 😁

I've been keeping up with the Q drops almost since it began nearly a year ago. It was all so touch and go. Nothing like that had ever happened in any kind of political history in any age on this earth. We got confirmation yesterday that if we hadn't made it to this point, force would have come next.

I linked that to qmap.pub
There are redudant backup sites everywhere
We're supposed to look back on Paul Revere sneaking through with a message, right? Qanon is practically the Star Wars equivalent of Paul Revere. If you haven't caught that yet, you will soon.

The most important thing I've ever learned is not hating people just because they think differently than me. I feel like it has become normalized to hold up hating with esteem, like the proper way to froth and hate kind of stuff. There are many people I've come to care for across the medias who still haven't figured this out. If you choose hate, you aren't going to make it. I'm so sorry. I'd love to say it's not the end of the world if someone ticks you off over something, but yeah, actually it is. If you ever in your life believed in saving humanity, now is the time to remember that. Hating doesn't save anyone, and it especially doubles back in awful ways on our souls.

I used to struggle with being public about who I am and how I feel and what I think. That struggle is over. The people who feel and think the same way I do are coming out of the woodwork now. Funny, I know I say I'm not really anonymous any more since I came out as a real person, but you still can't really see me. At any rate, I stand now with the anons supporting our military through POTUS taking down the Deep State run by the Cabal, and even if people (friends on social media) leave me over it, some of the coolest anons on the planet have hearted, liked, and even commented kindly back to me in places and I have never felt so validated.

"We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us."

In case anyone doubts what is behind my loyalty to this cause, as you watch the news go sour over the coming weeks about human trafficking and child sex slavery, be aware I've been there. My baby was raped before she was even a year old. I have cryptically mentioned my escape here and there. If you have never experienced that level of horror in your life, and I know so many of us floating on the surface of 'nice' haven't, just know that between my best friend's vicious murder rape and being married to a baby raper, I am fiercely at the front of this war to take down the Cabal once and for all, because they have reinforced the disintegration of our morality around the world for decades in order to own us, enslave us, keep us lulled and blaming each other so we won't question who runs the prison planet we're dying on.

Save your hate for the real fight. You're going to be reeling around feeling sick as this all starts coming out now.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

pre global meltdown thoughts

click for a neat article about flavoring your coffee

My hand is very ouch. Arms and hands always were the most brutal therapy.

So here's what I've got going.

  • Coffee is down to one cup a day for the last week. Slight withdrawal headache, nothing terrible.
  • Started slow xanax withdraw per psychiatrist. Even on extremely low dose, my pills are being metered. We both feel the higher gabapentin dose is covering the mood swings ok.
  • Nearly completely done with opioid from the surgeries. I have really drug it out, been down to a quarter pill every other day for about a week. (That actually still works.) Knee surgeon was surprised I didn't ask for a script refill, and that wasn't even counting my hand.
  • I seem to have lost 6 pounds and I don't know where I put them. Pretty sure half of it was the coffee. I figured it up. My coffee creamer alone was 480 calories a day before I cut my coffee way down.
  • Tomorrow is my final knee therapy.
So 6 weeks out from surgeries, hand sucks, actually doing better in some ways but the therapy is wearing it out so much that my grip is tenuous and typing is extra challenging again since starting it. My first day assessing in, my strength score for squeeze pressure was in the teens somewhere, next time in it had doubled, then last time it was 30, so I'm definitely getting that back. It's just once I do something with effort, my hand flops and says ok, taking a break now.

I had a crazy fantastic but weirdly spooky dream last night. Before we fell asleep, I was talking to @bonenado about what it must be like for people having breakthrough memories from the 20 and back work program. We're already getting snippets of disclosure from officials here and there about ETs being real, contact already made, etc, but if we get full disclosure, one of the things we'll be learning is that the 20 and back is definitely real. I mean, it's enough for me that several unconnected people have already come out with this shocking reveal, but it would be nice if it were general knowledge.

So as I was falling asleep I kind of heard a voice that said, Here, let me show you. And then I was someone else. I still felt like me, but I was experiencing someone else, like in so many other dreams I've had all my life. I was a female surgeon, and my job was detailed repairs on top ranking officials, but I never could remember exactly what I had done once it was over. It was like coming to work in the morning, getting ready for the next procedure, doing a really excellent job, cleaning up and debrief, and then once I was off work I couldn't remember what I had done. And I'd go eat supper and relax, sleep, start again the next day. I was able to see a number of days go by like this, and it started bothering me that I couldn't remember what I had been doing each day. I knew what I was trained for, and I knew I had actually done something important, but what?

I feel like I was seeing a more drastic level of mind wipe work, and I could understand the toll it took. I've been through my own memory fails and problems, anxiety and panic attacks, trying to piece timelines together from memories and paper evidence but still not being able to visualize a timeline of events in the order they happened for a period of about ten years. So when I was this other person, I could feel this familiar strain to hang on to a timeline of days, several months of work and no memory each day of what I'd done. Then without warning, a few ragged memories of doing this or that for a brief few seconds would break through, and they made no sense, and I wound up obsessing over what had I actually been doing to the point where I couldn't competently do my work any longer and had to be relieved and fully debriefed of all of it.

There are rumors that quite a large number of people have been taken into these programs and brought back and have no clue, but that when they do have breakout memories or meltdowns, they have to be re-debriefed. Some people have been through the program multiple times, which is quite a lot of experience and memories to have to deal with. Given a worldwide obsession with space in general wanting to know what's going on between NASA 'stalling out', weird stuff in the sky, and science falling flat despite all the supposed new breakthroughs and discoveries, best we can do is grumble and watch space shows on TV. Why are we obsessed with space?

Anyway, I woke up from that feeling like I had been pulled back out. There was no hazy dream state, no thought of 'me', just the first thing I remember thinking was wow, that poor woman...

This happened. It is autumn coconut meringue.

I've had a few other dreams this year that I should have written down. I know I need to go gather them all up now. I've got my dreams scattered here and yon on the webs, and it's time to put them together. They tell a story, like a dream I had when I was very young, where I was shown everything from the camels to how they could open up the sky.

I don't usually look at the download part of my stats, so I missed it a few months ago. I also didn't realize until today that this >>> the last war  <<< is the all-time top post on this blog.

I know a lot of people are being careful on the medias, and that's fine. But I 'came out' as a real person, and my flagship is the Lexx, the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes, stolen by ordinary people escaping from horrific slavery and genocide. I'm all over anyone who will stop the rape of humanity and our planet. This is our last chance, guys. There's the Q plan, there's the anons ready to launch full out cyber war, and there's us. If there really are ETs, if the SSP is real, if the Cabal doing this is real, if the world pedo trafficking is real... #wakeup! I'm not even Catholic and I can barely watch you guys eating up the entertainment like it's all a big sick joke. Well, Lexx fans know what the Cleansing is...

Anyway, someone liked this enough to swipe it.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

all the pings in my whole brain

Here we go, the elation, awake all nights, forgetting to eat, hours passing without noticing...

I can barely begin to describe the high I'm in.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

And if the joke I made was true, I'll never know

Suffering every time I miss a chance.

Monday, October 1, 2018


click for more funny memes
I've rerun into the concept lately that 'God', or a sort of universal consciousness or the Source or whatever, burst apart into a super multiplicity of 'selves' in order to experience all possible experiences for whatever reason. Uri Geller proposed that God was lonely. David Wilcock reiterated this. A long time ago I decided Uri was missing something and went to see for myself, which you can read about in a post I wrote called process and being. What I found was very surprising.

So I'm watching the world stage blowing up between the Cabal and the #QCrisis (reinventing the hashtag since no one else has) and thinking about all the new things I've absorbed over the last few months about surviving ascension as we complete another orbit around our galaxy, and how exquisitely timed this is with the ultimate tragedian- Earth.

And I've been asking God lately- Why did you do it? Why did you fall into this self harming bingefest where all the selves you created for 'experience' deteriorated into hate induced fear trama and the blind ravaging of our own souls? Why are we caught up in this scenario? Are we all suffering because the original 'I' needed an experience? And how in the world did it come to this stooping so low before other selves became strong enough to mount a rescue?

Every day I have wondered about this. If rumors are true, our planet is a novelty, aged and yet still very behind developmentally, compared to other much more evolved life bearing planets in much less time. Four billion years and we are still in the cosmological 'cave man' era. And if other rumors are true, this was manufactured purposefully by a life form so bereft of soul that it creates new DNA/tech combos just to shred the soul as much as possible for food.

If all of us have come from one Source, methinks Source is in a pickle.

And tonight I got an answer. Tonight, on the eve, on the cusp of a planetwide red revenge, as I was finally letting go and drifting into sleep, I was Looked At.

I have been noticing eyes look at me all my life, which I've talked about before in a post I wrote called Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes. I won't get into that now. I'll put it into the book. These eyes were different. I usually just see eyes. I usually immediately ask God to make them go away and stop looking at me, which actually seems to work, and I switch my mind to other things. Some of the eyes I see are very disturbing, some are beautiful, but I don't fall for that. I know better than to assume anything or to trust looking back into them. I know eyes can lie.

The eyes tonight were in a boy of about nine or ten, I guess. I knew right away it wasn't a real child, and that this was a communication scene, because it was almost monochromatic and a bit flat, but it was living, a boy looking at me. It was the kind of look that said something. I see that look sometime here and there in other real faces, like they know something, they might even want to tell something, and they keep their mouths shut, and just before they look away I can briefly see that they wish they could talk about it. But for whatever reason, that moment is over very quickly. Tonight that was a frozen moment, caught on a canvas in my mind, shown to me.

I nearly pushed it back out of my mind, like I automatically do, but the scene around the eyes made me hesitate. Eyes that look at me in my mind outside of dreams are only eyes, they don't bring in baggage. Whoever was looking at me was able to create a medium. It might not matter exactly how that presented except that it made me hesitate long enough to ask, What do you want? If you are the one I've been asking why you did this, what is it you want?


That was a surprise. Of course it made sense, I had been hotseating the Source of all of us all week, asking hard questions, maybe even impossible questions. I've blogged in years past, probably much of it private (but you'll see it in the book) about asking God point blank when I was still pretty young, certainly preteen and even still in elementary school, what the point was of throwing us down here and then saying we wouldn't be forgiven for not knowing we did something wrong. I realized later that was a concoction of my parents, and bigger picture much later revealed an entire human history wrapped tightly around using this horror as a control mechanism in societies. I went on to achieve a master of science in sociology because, basically, I was mad at God.

So yeah, I demand to know. I constantly harangue the guy. I can't just assume anything, or fill in the blanks with any old answer, no, I have to spend my whole life digging through whole libraries of philosophies, weird sciences, alt consciousness, anything and everything experienceable from every possible angle in human existence.

I guess me and God are same paging it in this life experience as a tiny little self in a very huge multiplex of universes, I dunno. I just know I very thoroughly question everything. And if there is ever to be an end to suffering as selves, it will be through the resolution of the problem, whatever that was in the first place. I'm not sure whether an entity of itself can experience what we know loneliness to be on this miserable earth, to the point of creating a mass of selves to find out why and what is to be done about it. And if that is what happened, could it possibly have been a mistake? Is it sacrilege to accuse God of creating a situation that saw the rise of Hitler and even the millennia of human enslavement created by an exceedingly selfish life form? Because if we get full disclosure, like a few insiders are hoping happens with all this Q stuff, we may be finding out some pretty rough shit about who we really are and why our lives suck so bad.

Drama. Humans are very good at storytelling, drama, and inflicting trauma. But if this all started with a Source launching an explosion of itself out of loneliness, omg, how is there any hope at all???

Unless hope is what it was looking for in the first place... That sounds odd, speculating that a One could hope when that One could control all. But that One unleashed a universe of Us, didn't it? That alone created wild cards galore. What point is there in creating all of Us only to control all of Us? Because that's just a very elaborate game of dolls. No, this whole thing was a risk. And it needs a resolution. In the end, according to the wise in all kinds of religions and spiritual quests, we go back to the One, our Source. God. Some say we go back through judgement, some insist not all of us will make it back, some believe eventually we all will, and the entire collective experience will have been for... what? Because if we all go back into the One, that's a whole lot of experience back to square one, if the reason for all this in the first place was loneliness.

So that just looks like a big mistake to me, if it's true.

And that One looking at me after a solid week of asking what it wants and it saying it wants forgiveness makes sense.

I don't know if you all can follow me into this weird dark to light thing. If we are all the same Person from infinite angles and positions, that means We inflict Ourselves. If karma is just, we become the person we unjustly inflicted somewhere down the road. Hitler becomes every person who died because of him, in essence. All those people then must choose between hate and forgiveness.

I see a red tide rising. On the one hand, they do not forgive, they do not forget, and that seems a very good thing in light of our dire plight all over the globe. We want someone to save the children, don't we? I know *I* do. But WE are the ones who must all understand and help if we can. It does no good to shut our eyes and not be part of the rescue, to turn our heads away and not notice not only the tattered souls around us, but to add that on to our karma and become the tattered soul in one of our next lives. Sooner or later, we open our eyes.

Children are innocent, it is true. It would be easy to get caught up in past lives and karma and say the suffering are receiving their due penance from a past life, and #walkaway. How shameful is that, to see wrong and not do something to change the wrong in the world? Even more, how dumb does it seem in hindsight to say a One became Us to learn these things? To experience first hand what life is, even at the peak of its heinous worst? To become both oppressor and oppressed. Inflictor and inflicted. User and used. How could a One stoop so low to become so cruel for pleasure, for greed and gluttony of luxury, for a sad mimicry of the 'divine'?

I once asked God, several years ago, how we can be expected to be better than a god, to forgive others when God himself would send them to hell. The answer I got back was swift and firm- People saying that doesn't mean it's true. The swiftness almost caused me to lose my breath. And the challenge right back was for me to ask PEOPLE why they do this. Look at what makes people the way they are. Things are not always evident on the surface, and as the anons are kindly obsessing through stacks of historical documents (thank you, Galaxy Quest, for the answer to the riddle of whether it's all real), we are seeing the biggest picture ever assembling out of many bits and bytes of seemingly *cough* lost information.

Back to the eyes I saw tonight.

What do you want?


The problem with rooting out evil on our planet is that we're so layered over so many centuries with 'fake news' and propaganda politics backed and justified through one religion or another that we don't know how to behave even when it's written in black and white right in front of us.

Golden Rule - Wikipedia
"The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated. It is a maxim that is found in many religions and cultures. The Golden Rule can be considered a law of reciprocity in some religions, although other religions treat it differently."

Just because someone is in the wrong, we don't spit on them. That is very poor behavior, especially for those who preach in any form, and that includes nearly all of us.

Very many people are entrenched in hating even more than ever all over the earth as this Q stuff plays out and the medias fight back. It's just conspiracy, go back to sleep while we advertise how much Satan loves it when you donate blood to the Red Cross. That's a real ad, and if you know all the clues, the irony in people thinking it's cute is the height of really bad taste, whether you believe Satan is a real being or not.

Answers come in strange ways sometimes, and questions are usually asked with an elaborate set of blinders on. What does God want in all this mess? What does the cosmic consciousness, the Source, or whatever feels like listens to us want out of all this?

It wants us to forgive. The crisis might not be just the nasty baddies horribly mistreating and even eating humanity's own babies, as per the mass of testimonials exploding out this year like fireworks, but the retributional mass of hatred in the wake of the rising red tide, although I agree this needs to happen before there is no coming back. This really is our last chance.

Hatred is what started this. The only way to cure hatred is through forgiveness. We cannot advance back to the Source as long as we hold on to our hate. Source loves us. Call it what you will, you know deep down you want to be loved. You know love is life changing, it heals the soul. If we want for Us to heal, we must be the ones who make it possible to keep changing the world for the better, in this life, in the next, and the next.

Where we go one we go all. Well, we're about to go to hell. We're doing it wrong. I don't mean the hearings or the reveals. I mean the sheer hatred on social medias. It's one thing to troll and pound the feeds with memes, it's another to froth with vitriol and spew filth. It's unbecoming. It doesn't help the cause.

The best way you can help aside from cheering the Q team on is realize we are all human, we were all babies and children, and the pour souls who were raised in the dark madness are very, very broken. This is far bigger than Hitler, with massive consequences and damage, perhaps for decades or even centuries to come. This will impact all our futures, and if we choose to go forward through this in hatred, we will negatively impact the overall outcome. Just because we purge it out doesn't mean sparkly rainbows for everybody afterward. There will be years of trauma people will still have to live with all over the world. We need to love to heal. It's hard to hate and love at the same time.

I have never once said, ever, that I hate the guy who murdered my best friend. Something just feels off about that. It's awful yes, and the crime was quite shocking. But what the hell did he go through to arrive at that point, you know? What did someone do to him as a child? I'm not saying he wouldn't do it again after sitting in prison for decades, but as much as I still hurt from the event demoralizing me and flipping my life upside down for years into a life of mistake after mistake, I can't bring myself to hate him. For all I know he hates himself. Who knows. Whatever I think, it might not change that in his next life he'll be the one murdered like that so he'll know how it feels. If that is really how karma works, and I beg to differ in several places, then what we dish out comes back to bite, and if we don't wise up and learn that, we get caught in a loop of making the same mistake over and over, which is inflicting ourselves on others.

You can totally be the good guy and still inflict others. The really good guys do their jobs without inflicting. You don't need to be an ass in the hero business, like I said, it's unbecoming. It brings out judgmentalism in other people, and that creates more conflict, and ultimately, more hate. Something to think about.

Now go be good patriots and save the children. Help the anons share, show your Q support, cheer on the powers that be going up against a world of elites knowing that their lives are literally on the line every minute of every single day doing it and only a tenth of one percent of people in the world actually even get that, so there's very little reward for that level of heroism in a twisted world like ours. Funny, we love the fiction heroes...

It's ok if you don't believe in souls. Let's heal each other anyway while we're saving the children.

When this is all done, if the good guys win, the names in this video will be more chilling than Hitler's. That old guy on the right wants us all to die. We need to be culled. I heard him say that in a different video. He happens to be one of the richest men on the entire planet and doesn't give a dime to helping any of us actually live better, easier lives. He likes that we are bound in debt slavery that supports a banking system more powerful than any nation. Go git 'im, Q.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

holiday brain in 3, 2...

~started yesterday~

Finally. Got assessed into hand therapy today. Came home with a light splint, a  squeezy gel egg, and a couple of instructions. My right hand is officially only half as strong as my left hand right now. Today was the first time anyone said it's ok to use heat for the pain, which was bliss. I'm five weeks out from the surgery and everyone else is still saying use ice. Now that I'm back home in slight shock at the amount of pain increase over such a tiny amount of focused therapy baselines, I'm running into a spike in wrist pain, and now I'm seeing there is a wrist tendonitis dynamic with carpal tunnel and a whole page about the art of icing... 😕

~this is today~

My resolve to cut coffee down is happening, just in time for National Coffee Day, lol. I'm down to one cup a day now, and *bing* suddenly much more awake. Not a clue if that means I'm finally past the surgery exhaustion or it's really my system breaking a little more free from chemicals, since I'm also finally off the daily opioids now. Or it could be the cold front that moved in and is messing with me, who knows. Whatever is going on, I dropped another pound, so huzzah.

all my pix click out 🎃
Today is my last follow up with knee surgeon, possibly, unless there is a 3-month or something down the road. I have 3 more physical therapy appointments for knee and a sparkly new grueling occupational hand schedule that goes up through November 1st, which is also my last follow up with the hand surgeon. Somewhere in the middle of October I have primary care checkup and likely a flu shot. All the driving so far has flared impinged shoulder nerve on 'good' side, which lately is spiking up my neck into headaches (driving is bad, mkay), because it's been hurting to drive with my surgery hand, so you can imagine I will be thrilled when all this driving into town slows down in November.

Got my bank and calendar super synced this week. I'm already missing sending a couple of birthday cards (not cool when your dad makes it to 89!), so it's crucial I get all my ducks in a row before my brain collapses into an alt dimensional state of mush during the holiday slide. I usually have all my stuff lined out as far ahead of Thanksgiving as possible because by the time that gets here, I'm just done the rest of the year while Christmas blurs by and I stumble back out of my daze later in the winter.

Stuff I need to work on (super facepalm fail this month, I'm soooo sorry, guys) are getting back with Mike and Myke and Emily on stuffs we're working on, wrapping my brain around plugins so my tech-moderator tag is more than just a pretty badge, and writing. I have so many things I want / need to write / get written. There is always too much going on, and when there's not, there's depression, so swimming in syrup is just a lifestyle. That reminds me, I also had a great talk with psychiatrist about my super low dose xanax being a psychological crutch, and goal over the next six months is get it shaved down to half of what I'm taking now (very laughable in the medical world, not funny at all in the addict world), and from there get ready to leap off again. The gabapentin is my fallback for that safety net feeling, thank goodness it's good on anxiety along with the nerve pain.

click to get lost in pinterest
I know I get too blabby repeating some of this stuff, but sometimes I look back a few years at how hard it used to be just rounding up my brain to type a few sentences out, and I can see how easy this has become, and that it really has helped me stay on track and not slide into the decay of weight gain, self incrimination, hiding, justifying, and more depression. Eat your salads, kids.