Turkey butt. I was netting fish on a claim I was clearing on server and looked up, cracked me up.
It wouldn't be the holiday slide without something throwing monkey wrenches like my bank being acquired into another bank and breaking my auto payments. What I thought was money working out beautifully was a major payment being missed, so on my birthday, when I finally get more money, I've got to make a final double payment and then that one is over.
I have 4 days to get my driver's license renewed. Don't let me forget that. I know one year I blogged about being happy I remembered it and then promptly forgot and missed it.
I'm otherwise doing really well with my xanax taper, weight is holding steady this month after dropping 6 pounds, switched to organic blue corn chips after nearly two weeks of no nachos at all (no more supporting the big corn companies), and nearly doubled my vegetable intake over what it used to be. ASTYM therapy on my hand was like a magical breakthrough, going up and down stairs on my knee without any problems now, did I mention I'm already talking Christmas tree? Basically, having one of the best Octobers I've had in many years. Allergies are ridiculous between the trees forgetting to turn and suddenly dropping dried leaves during a cold rainy spell, but no problems with ears and glands complications like I used to get regularly. I'm an antihistamine machine this year.
I'm thinking about pumpkin cake for my birthday. I haven't had really good cake in ages, and y'all know I can't use regular flour so cake is a big rare deal. People who blow off gluten free and wheat allergies, try using flour or baking mix that is nearly $10 a pound. I have to make sure the flour is processed in a nut and peanut free facility (you'd be surprised how much gluten free is cross contaminated in manufacturing), so that cuts the cheaper ones out. Also discovered lasagna is fantastic with cabbage in place of the noodles, so I really enjoyed some good old fashioned homemade comfort food lasagna this month. Going to make more this weekend.
My sleep schedule is topsy-turvy more than usual lately, so I'm just going with it. I'm up when I feel like it, sleep when I feel like it, and barely keeping up with anyone in real time. I have been more relaxed lately than I have been in years, so I guess my body has finally turned off alert mode that I used to constantly live in, with all those anxiety and panic attacks and constant self monitoring and powering through and whatnot. I'm actually feeling like I'm enjoying myself just living now. That's never really happened before. I think a lot of it is solid consistent pain control and finally getting much needed surgeries and recoveries out of the way. I'm physically able to just chill and veg now without anything nagging my system constantly. It's nice.
Had a dream about the chickens last night. Somehow they were people, but not like us. I don't remember any more. I've been wondering for some time what the world view of a chicken is like, what it's like to live like that. You really have to bend your brain around just to think about not having hands, having such a flexible neck and moving your head everywhere without being disoriented, having feathers projecting from every inch of your body. I think that would be terribly cumbersome. And then to think about never being able to say how you feel to someone, never having real contact like a hug, the only comfort you ever get is simply in being part of a group, being near each other and hearing each other when you're scared or feeling sick. What would it be like to not know more, not understand the possibility of these things? I've been trying to wrap my brain around the concept of 'being' since I was a small child. I was terrified very early that I had bones in me (grew up on a farm), and that the bones weren't *me*. They go everywhere I go, make it possible for me to do and feel things with my other tissues, but they are the sign of death in every culture. I carry the sign of death around inside of me. I think I was dealing with that before I was even 10. I won't go over everything I've thought since then, I'm sure it would make a book. But I still think about it a lot, about 'being'. About the possibilities we can't imagine, about the limitations we take for granted, about the horrifying thought of seeing ourselves both from the inside and the outside with our perspectives. I think a lot of people can't really do that very well, and I don't know if it's the Asperger's, but I can peel away perspective and put it back together in different shapes and forms, and wonder how in the world can we be stuck in our bodies this way? It seems impossible. Yet here we are, experiencing. I was always intrigued by the old testament guys who got to 'see God', or at least come close. They always fell to their faces and couldn't move, and had to be stood back up by someone else. The experience of being able to see outside this dimension of thought and mind was enough to disable them, either from terror or being so overwhelmed that they couldn't respond to the new sensations and realizations flooding their minds. Maybe being aspie gives me an edge on thinking about it, because so much has been so overwhelming for me in THIS body in THIS dimension of being. I want very badly to be able to go beyond what we are and see all this for myself. I'm sure someone will have to stand me back up.
I've rerun into the concept lately that 'God', or a sort of universal consciousness or the Source or whatever, burst apart into a super multiplicity of 'selves' in order to experience all possible experiences for whatever reason. Uri Geller proposed that God was lonely. David Wilcock reiterated this. A long time ago I decided Uri was missing something and went to see for myself, which you can read about in a post I wrote called process and being. What I found was very surprising.
So I'm watching the world stage blowing up between the Cabal and the #QCrisis (reinventing the hashtag since no one else has) and thinking about all the new things I've absorbed over the last few months about surviving ascension as we complete another orbit around our galaxy, and how exquisitely timed this is with the ultimate tragedian- Earth.
And I've been asking God lately- Why did you do it? Why did you fall into this self harming bingefest where all the selves you created for 'experience' deteriorated into hate induced fear trama and the blind ravaging of our own souls? Why are we caught up in this scenario? Are we all suffering because the original 'I' needed an experience? And how in the world did it come to this stooping so low before other selves became strong enough to mount a rescue?
Every day I have wondered about this. If rumors are true, our planet is a novelty, aged and yet still very behind developmentally, compared to other much more evolved life bearing planets in much less time. Four billion years and we are still in the cosmological 'cave man' era. And if other rumors are true, this was manufactured purposefully by a life form so bereft of soul that it creates new DNA/tech combos just to shred the soul as much as possible for food.
If all of us have come from one Source, methinks Source is in a pickle.
And tonight I got an answer. Tonight, on the eve, on the cusp of a planetwide red revenge, as I was finally letting go and drifting into sleep, I was Looked At.
I have been noticing eyes look at me all my life, which I've talked about before in a post I wrote called Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes. I won't get into that now. I'll put it into the book. These eyes were different. I usually just see eyes. I usually immediately ask God to make them go away and stop looking at me, which actually seems to work, and I switch my mind to other things. Some of the eyes I see are very disturbing, some are beautiful, but I don't fall for that. I know better than to assume anything or to trust looking back into them. I know eyes can lie.
The eyes tonight were in a boy of about nine or ten, I guess. I knew right away it wasn't a real child, and that this was a communication scene, because it was almost monochromatic and a bit flat, but it was living, a boy looking at me. It was the kind of look that said something. I see that look sometime here and there in other real faces, like they know something, they might even want to tell something, and they keep their mouths shut, and just before they look away I can briefly see that they wish they could talk about it. But for whatever reason, that moment is over very quickly. Tonight that was a frozen moment, caught on a canvas in my mind, shown to me.
I nearly pushed it back out of my mind, like I automatically do, but the scene around the eyes made me hesitate. Eyes that look at me in my mind outside of dreams are only eyes, they don't bring in baggage. Whoever was looking at me was able to create a medium. It might not matter exactly how that presented except that it made me hesitate long enough to ask, What do you want? If you are the one I've been asking why you did this, what is it you want?
Forgiveness.
That was a surprise. Of course it made sense, I had been hotseating the Source of all of us all week, asking hard questions, maybe even impossible questions. I've blogged in years past, probably much of it private (but you'll see it in the book) about asking God point blank when I was still pretty young, certainly preteen and even still in elementary school, what the point was of throwing us down here and then saying we wouldn't be forgiven for not knowing we did something wrong. I realized later that was a concoction of my parents, and bigger picture much later revealed an entire human history wrapped tightly around using this horror as a control mechanism in societies. I went on to achieve a master of science in sociology because, basically, I was mad at God.
So yeah, I demand to know. I constantly harangue the guy. I can't just assume anything, or fill in the blanks with any old answer, no, I have to spend my whole life digging through whole libraries of philosophies, weird sciences, alt consciousness, anything and everything experienceable from every possible angle in human existence.
I guess me and God are same paging it in this life experience as a tiny little self in a very huge multiplex of universes, I dunno. I just know I very thoroughly question everything. And if there is ever to be an end to suffering as selves, it will be through the resolution of the problem, whatever that was in the first place. I'm not sure whether an entity of itself can experience what we know loneliness to be on this miserable earth, to the point of creating a mass of selves to find out why and what is to be done about it. And if that is what happened, could it possibly have been a mistake? Is it sacrilege to accuse God of creating a situation that saw the rise of Hitler and even the millennia of human enslavement created by an exceedingly selfish life form? Because if we get full disclosure, like a few insiders are hoping happens with all this Q stuff, we may be finding out some pretty rough shit about who we really are and why our lives suck so bad.
Drama. Humans are very good at storytelling, drama, and inflicting trauma. But if this all started with a Source launching an explosion of itself out of loneliness, omg, how is there any hope at all???
Unless hope is what it was looking for in the first place... That sounds odd, speculating that a One could hope when that One could control all. But that One unleashed a universe of Us, didn't it? That alone created wild cards galore. What point is there in creating all of Us only to control all of Us? Because that's just a very elaborate game of dolls. No, this whole thing was a risk. And it needs a resolution. In the end, according to the wise in all kinds of religions and spiritual quests, we go back to the One, our Source. God. Some say we go back through judgement, some insist not all of us will make it back, some believe eventually we all will, and the entire collective experience will have been for... what? Because if we all go back into the One, that's a whole lot of experience back to square one, if the reason for all this in the first place was loneliness.
So that just looks like a big mistake to me, if it's true.
And that One looking at me after a solid week of asking what it wants and it saying it wants forgiveness makes sense.
I don't know if you all can follow me into this weird dark to light thing. If we are all the same Person from infinite angles and positions, that means We inflict Ourselves. If karma is just, we become the person we unjustly inflicted somewhere down the road. Hitler becomes every person who died because of him, in essence. All those people then must choose between hate and forgiveness.
I see a red tide rising. On the one hand, they do not forgive, they do not forget, and that seems a very good thing in light of our dire plight all over the globe. We want someone to save the children, don't we? I know *I* do. But WE are the ones who must all understand and help if we can. It does no good to shut our eyes and not be part of the rescue, to turn our heads away and not notice not only the tattered souls around us, but to add that on to our karma and become the tattered soul in one of our next lives. Sooner or later, we open our eyes.
Children are innocent, it is true. It would be easy to get caught up in past lives and karma and say the suffering are receiving their due penance from a past life, and #walkaway. How shameful is that, to see wrong and not do something to change the wrong in the world? Even more, how dumb does it seem in hindsight to say a One became Us to learn these things? To experience first hand what life is, even at the peak of its heinous worst? To become both oppressor and oppressed. Inflictor and inflicted. User and used. How could a One stoop so low to become so cruel for pleasure, for greed and gluttony of luxury, for a sad mimicry of the 'divine'?
I once asked God, several years ago, how we can be expected to be better than a god, to forgive others when God himself would send them to hell. The answer I got back was swift and firm- People saying that doesn't mean it's true. The swiftness almost caused me to lose my breath. And the challenge right back was for me to ask PEOPLE why they do this. Look at what makes people the way they are. Things are not always evident on the surface, and as the anons are kindly obsessing through stacks of historical documents (thank you, Galaxy Quest, for the answer to the riddle of whether it's all real), we are seeing the biggest picture ever assembling out of many bits and bytes of seemingly *cough* lost information.
Back to the eyes I saw tonight.
What do you want?
Forgiveness.
The problem with rooting out evil on our planet is that we're so layered over so many centuries with 'fake news' and propaganda politics backed and justified through one religion or another that we don't know how to behave even when it's written in black and white right in front of us.
Golden Rule - Wikipedia "The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated. It is a maxim that is found in many religions and cultures. The Golden Rule can be considered a law of reciprocity in some religions, although other religions treat it differently."
Just because someone is in the wrong, we don't spit on them. That is very poor behavior, especially for those who preach in any form, and that includes nearly all of us.
Very many people are entrenched in hating even more than ever all over the earth as this Q stuff plays out and the medias fight back. It's just conspiracy, go back to sleep while we advertise how much Satan loves it when you donate blood to the Red Cross. That's a real ad, and if you know all the clues, the irony in people thinking it's cute is the height of really bad taste, whether you believe Satan is a real being or not.
Answers come in strange ways sometimes, and questions are usually asked with an elaborate set of blinders on. What does God want in all this mess? What does the cosmic consciousness, the Source, or whatever feels like listens to us want out of all this?
It wants us to forgive. The crisis might not be just the nasty baddies horribly mistreating and even eating humanity's own babies, as per the mass of testimonials exploding out this year like fireworks, but the retributional mass of hatred in the wake of the rising red tide, although I agree this needs to happen before there is no coming back. This really is our last chance.
Hatred is what started this. The only way to cure hatred is through forgiveness. We cannot advance back to the Source as long as we hold on to our hate. Source loves us. Call it what you will, you know deep down you want to be loved. You know love is life changing, it heals the soul. If we want for Us to heal, we must be the ones who make it possible to keep changing the world for the better, in this life, in the next, and the next.
Where we go one we go all. Well, we're about to go to hell. We're doing it wrong. I don't mean the hearings or the reveals. I mean the sheer hatred on social medias. It's one thing to troll and pound the feeds with memes, it's another to froth with vitriol and spew filth. It's unbecoming. It doesn't help the cause.
The best way you can help aside from cheering the Q team on is realize we are all human, we were all babies and children, and the pour souls who were raised in the dark madness are very, very broken. This is far bigger than Hitler, with massive consequences and damage, perhaps for decades or even centuries to come. This will impact all our futures, and if we choose to go forward through this in hatred, we will negatively impact the overall outcome. Just because we purge it out doesn't mean sparkly rainbows for everybody afterward. There will be years of trauma people will still have to live with all over the world. We need to love to heal. It's hard to hate and love at the same time.
I have never once said, ever, that I hate the guy who murdered my best friend. Something just feels off about that. It's awful yes, and the crime was quite shocking. But what the hell did he go through to arrive at that point, you know? What did someone do to him as a child? I'm not saying he wouldn't do it again after sitting in prison for decades, but as much as I still hurt from the event demoralizing me and flipping my life upside down for years into a life of mistake after mistake, I can't bring myself to hate him. For all I know he hates himself. Who knows. Whatever I think, it might not change that in his next life he'll be the one murdered like that so he'll know how it feels. If that is really how karma works, and I beg to differ in several places, then what we dish out comes back to bite, and if we don't wise up and learn that, we get caught in a loop of making the same mistake over and over, which is inflicting ourselves on others.
You can totally be the good guy and still inflict others. The really good guys do their jobs without inflicting. You don't need to be an ass in the hero business, like I said, it's unbecoming. It brings out judgmentalism in other people, and that creates more conflict, and ultimately, more hate. Something to think about.
Now go be good patriots and save the children. Help the anons share, show your Q support, cheer on the powers that be going up against a world of elites knowing that their lives are literally on the line every minute of every single day doing it and only a tenth of one percent of people in the world actually even get that, so there's very little reward for that level of heroism in a twisted world like ours. Funny, we love the fiction heroes...
It's ok if you don't believe in souls. Let's heal each other anyway while we're saving the children.
When this is all done, if the good guys win, the names in this video will be more chilling than Hitler's. That old guy on the right wants us all to die. We need to be culled. I heard him say that in a different video. He happens to be one of the richest men on the entire planet and doesn't give a dime to helping any of us actually live better, easier lives. He likes that we are bound in debt slavery that supports a banking system more powerful than any nation. Go git 'im, Q.
Once in awhile I will write something in response to what I see coming in on trackers. Normally I focus on my own stuff, since #pinkyblog is about me, but when I see a very determined visitor hitting a particular tag for an hour or two straight, or someone checking back over and over for awhile, I do respond to those visitors in another post, although not always clearly.
This one is a direct response to a very different visitor showing up after I wrote "long before I ever heard of the law of one". So far there are 14 total visits (according to statcounter) that started on August 18th at 9:55 a.m., I assume my time.
They've been showing up like this on blogger, as 'unknown region', since they are their own nation. Blogger shows more hits because the metrics are a little different, but since Blogger also counts other areas in the world as unknown region, I won't get into that right now.
I was a little puzzled at first. I'm familiar with the Zuni, Hopi, and Navajo reservations around where I grew up in the Four Corners region, which I've brought up before in "Real Things You Might Not Know About Me" on my Surveypalooza blog.
I've been to Chaco, grew up with a cat named Chaco, and have a desert village named Chaco on a minecraft server. I've also been to the Mesa Verde cliff dwellings in Colorado. I had never before seen direct hits from a reservation area on any of my blogs, so that really caught my attention.
So what is important about the Zuni showing up in my stats? I often mention synchronicity, so I don't take things for granted, especially when it gets my attention over and over.
It made sense to connect a few dots and put that into a search engine, so naturally I paired Zuni with David Wilcock (since I'd written that post just before the hits) and Corey Goode ('star people' show up in Native American legends). I immediately got interviews with Clifford Mahooty, the first of which I'll link here.
I'm about halfway through right now. The best part was Clifford saying that the reason the Zuni and Hopi got together last year was to come out with the truth about the Blue Star Kachina misunderstanding, which was a story that happened for tourism (like we have around the Branson area about the Bolin Gang on the train ride at Silver Dollar City), and it's not like that at all. Right away in this video we see that a dance map was really a 'technology' given to the Zuni to remember for a prophecy about our solar system going through a change, which is now in our near future. The steps precisely spell out what happens in which order, and everything around this prophecy is about astronauts that came from other star systems.
Lexx fans know I am fascinated with the Blue Star scene in Super Nova. Some fans know from The Wheel, It Turns that I think the Lexx property was buried by corporate elite who own our media because it doesn't sell the proper mass brain training. No one knew yet until just now that I think Poet Man is the Lexx symbolism for the 'left behind' who can't escape our Earth and have been working on DNA and experimentation to regain control of their own future in a secret space program so that they can escape.
And of course, Corey Goode has worked in the secret space program and now speaks for the Sphere-Being Alliance, and David Wilcock has researched and scientifically documented that our galaxy regularly travels through higher energy areas and that it's about time for another event, this one being called the Ascension Event. All these things are easy to find on youtube and fun to listen to whether you believe in any of it or not. I've been incredibly bored this month taking it easy on a bad knee and now recovering from a combination carpal release and arthroscopy, so I have caught up on hours of these talks, very refreshing because I love scifi, love science, love new thought, love what ifs, love thinking. I have been very entertained throughout August by everything I can find on David and Corey, and it falls right into line with what I'm doing on #pinkyblog to promote positivity.
So there you go, the Zuni have something important to say before the Event that was long ago predicted and prophesied by multiple cultures that would usher our world into a fifth age. There is more about that in another article.
You can see there are more youtube videos, if you are interested. 🙂
I've had the opinion for years that one of the reasons humans are being/have been pushed to develop a way off the planet was so the fallen can escape an inevitable doom. If the Ascension Mysteries are right, everyone stuck here will experience this energy change as our solar system migrates through a particular territory in our long orbit around the center of the galaxy. The fallen, the cast down know this, and they are not in forms that can survive this, like humans. That is my own opinion and not something I got off the internet.
This playing card is from the the board game 24: Countdown
which I have in my house
In 2008 I struggled with who I feel like I'm supposed to be being. I struggled with my belief system and what I inherently feel is right. I struggled to express myself against a mainstream grain that had me rigidly locked into formation to the point of self destruction. I struggled for my life, my soul, my sanity in a world full of locked rooms, rules about keeping secrets, and masks we were all supposed to be wearing. Colors suddenly seemed very important to me, and it was crucial that I find my color. I kept remembering blue, it permeated my dreams throughout my life, and I could feel it was time to migrate somehow.
Always dreaming, never sleeping, kind of seeming I'm ok,
Touching no one, having no fun, wishing to go out and play.
Hear me whisper, feel me passing, wonder what they think of me,
See me fading, I'm just shadows, tasting only what is free.
No commitment, no surrender, nothing to pretend to hide,
Live forever, slowly dying, falling out of either side.
Keep me running, flying nowhere, prancing round a misty dawn,
Racing stillness, moonlight standing, floating wreaths of breathy prawn.
Nothing matters, worldly guessing, logic hopeless reason chance,
Sculpted meaning, mindless treasure, my place is to sing and dance.
Ever since that spring I've felt like if I don't say what I'm supposed to say, what I'm here to say, I will fail. This is one of the first really honest pieces I ever wrote for public. Bluejacky (originally on xanga) is here to be honest. Going back now and rereading this after running into the Law of One is blowing me away. (That is a simplistic link for easy condensed thought, nothing else.)
(I'm struggling with the format moving this over from original since the coding went through a webkit grinder during server move years ago, and blogger won't let me preview correctly, so I'm winging this. I got it wrestled into a box on the laptop, no telling how it will look on mobile.)
Stars on a blue spectrum are moving toward us. Ever since I was born I have been fascinated by this kind of blue, blue light, blue in nature. I even wanted to be blue. Blue skin, blue hair. I sometimes dream in vivid blue.
Sometimes I feel like I have memories of something other than here as I am now. I have tried reading a few new age books and am a little disappointed at the consistent romanticism, although I long ago reached the conclusion in my childhood without anyone telling me this, that we are here to learn, and that if we fail to learn while we have the chance we get 'stuck' or something. Getting stuck is far worse suffering than any suffering we go through learning to sacrifice ourselves for love. Respect and courtesy for others in any shape or form is more important than any ideas we get in our heads that drive us apart with disdain and violence. Appreciation and contentment are more important than acquisition and pride. Truth is good, forgiveness is better. Our learning boils down to whether we pick being selfish or being selfless. Will we destroy others, or will we become wise and puzzle a way to get along?
If it is true that we travel around this universe (and others?) in all kinds of bodies while our spirits learn and grow wise, then I know I have been other places than here.
Time and distance have no meaning outside this box that contains time and distance.
As a child I looked up at the night sky and knew I came from out there. I felt this long before I ever encountered the idea. I feel like this place now, although I like it very much, is a place I am visiting. This feeling is congruent with many beliefs, including Christianity, Buddhism, and atheism.
When I first was, I was joy. I was energy- glorious, thrilling, exhilarating energy. I knew nothing else. I swam in an endless world of joyful energy, all of us bouncing and rebounding, racing, feeling nothing but joy.
That is what being alive starts out as, I am sure of it. I feel like I remember it. It's a very old memory, one I cherish, one I miss sometimes, without really knowing this or understanding it. But I want to feel that joy again. I want to feel that exhilaration and energy and swim in a sea of joy.
Was that the big bang? Was that the beginning of this universe? Will I ever know?
Over a great deal of time, I feel I became aware of a little bit going on around me. This is me, that is not me. I bump into that. That is what being alive starts teaching us. We are not alone. We interact. And over a great deal of time, we learn that we affect one another.
We start simply. Photons? Were we light? They say we come from the stars, but I'm sure that assumes our bodies are made of the elements created in the stars. What about our spirits, who we are? Is there more than this body? I feel like there is way, way more.
Over another great deal of time we learn concepts. Survive. Work to survive. Cooperate to survive. Absorb to survive. Kill to survive. Rocks don't do this. Algae, viruses, cells, organisms. Are cells self aware in some tiny way? Is that how a universe of cells in a body can communicate and cooperate so quickly? Can we become more than knee-jerk reaction, more than mindless consumption?
Over another great deal of time we learn feelings and the actions they inspire. Loyalty. Protect. Help. Give. Die to insure the survival of the whole. We become a society, aware of others. Tiny birds do this. Some insects do this. Some plants do this. Basic training for everything from the least of these to higher organisms like dogs and people.
Over more time we learn emotional pain. Loss. Anguish. The absence of others. The idea that we cherished others. The need for others. To learn from. To love. To share joy with.
And over more time we learn the strength to withstand all of this, to grow into a new kind of joy that transcends time and place, and who we are. We learn to see it all, appreciate it all, and become- what?
What is next? Please tell me it's not some inert heaven or nirvana where we stop growing. I think we have that concept all wrong.
Perhaps this universe is preparing us for the next one. Or perhaps one day we'll be outside the cauldron of universe bubbles in an completely new way of being, seeing, and feeling.
I love being here. I love learning geology, cosmology, anthropology- the histories of everything I can see. I feel like I am so lucky to be living right now, in this time and place. At no other time in human history has so much information been accessible with my fingertips while I sit in a chair. At no other time has so much knowledge been amassed. We almost know the entire history of the earth, the sun, how long they'll last, the history of our galaxy, it's probable future, and we even now know how old the universe itself is, and so many of its secrets. We were blind like salamanders in a cave only a handful of years ago, and now we can see what seems like everything.
This will never come again in human history. If anything happens to this earth, all this knowledge will be lost. If anyone survives over the next several thousand, or even a few hundred years, what's left of knowledge will become myth and legend. It will be as if we never really existed.
Blue is much more than a color to me. It is something I once was, a state of being, information I don't know how to access, a strong feeling I'm not able to verbalize. Somehow it is part of who I am, and for some reason, it feels important. I realize this could just be a manifestation of my weird aspie brain. But I also wonder if my weird aspie brain is able to feel more than this box world we live in. I have a feeling many more people can feel more than they are able to understand or willing to admit.
Enjoy learning on this earth while we have time. Enjoy that we are all precious.
I've spent years living a double life, tearing my head apart in one direction while I soak up entertainment in another. I love to think. Over the years it's become almost stupidly obvious that entertainment is a brain training medium that seems designed to stultify the actual thought process. I brought up the movie Equilibrium in an old Autisable submission called Psyching Up – Becoming Liberated. I've made a lot of progress since 2011, but even back then my dichotomies were glowing like neon.
I think it’s really bothering him that I can so easily skate around morals and ethics in noncommittal ways. I have a few opinions, but I’ve already realized a long time ago that opinions can change and that having opinions doesn’t necessarily affect the reality around my life. In fact, I believe opinions are rather useless in most instances unless they directly relate to the way I behave toward other people, and we all know I tend to believe the person in front of me is more important than any opinions I might have. I think I’ve lost him somewhere in all that.
I can see now that he was holding space for me as I navigated my way through my jungle. I know now that I learned to dissociate, that I passive aggressively displaced blame, and that I didn't live what I instinctively feel inside is right. I spent many years pinging around in my head like a pinball, defending things I actually don't even believe in. I was trained to do that. All the same, it bothered me, and I felt compelled to sift down meaning before I lost myself in wasted time.
This spring and summer I've been catching up on David Wilcock's stuff. I had always liked all the people on Ancient Aliens and often picked up books some of them wrote, but I had never chased David around the webs. Until this year. Wow, I missed a lot all this time, probably the most and the best, but like all the other synchronicity I talk about, I probably wasn't ready for it yet. As I've been listening to several years of talks, I was very surprised to hear thoughts I'd previously had coming right out of his mouth. I've run into this before, where I think something and then run into it somewhere, and have written about how ideas seem to hit a lot of people all over the world around the same time, and I joke about how all I have to do is relax and wait for someone else to do all the work developing the ideas that I feel compulsed to get into, and it's amazing how many times that has happened. It's like I just think something, I'd like to know more about this or that, and pretty quick, I run into it all over the place. Weirdly, though, quite a lot more poured out of David that I've been thinking about for years and had never run into before, because I've honestly just never looked that hard. It's been exhilarating.
But another very surprising thing showed up in David's talks. He brought up the Cabal... I've been going deep on that for awhile now, shows up on posts going back a few years, figuring out how I fit into the world picture and why I might know more than some others, but then David connected a whole buncha dots putting logic together with spirituality in a world going down a political sinkhole, tossed in Corey Goode (so fitting that his website is down right now, everyone mentioning the Cabal is being ripped out of spacetime) and everything just lit up. The whole point to being here is on the line. Our long line of evolutionary development is right on the edge of tipping over because a few super wealthy people think they own the planet. I already knew millions have been suffering for decades (millennia) for the rich and their games, but I had no idea the portent of now.
I love Jack Bauer. I love Kiefer. I'm sad Kiefer is a tool, but I'm glad I saw his existence. In spite of fails, seeds were planted.
And this was my song when I needed it most during the hardest parts of my life.
