Chickens Being, and turkey butt

Turkey butt. I was netting fish on a claim I was clearing on server and looked up, cracked me up.

It wouldn't be the holiday slide without something throwing monkey wrenches like my bank being acquired into another bank and breaking my auto payments. What I thought was money working out beautifully was a major payment being missed, so on my birthday, when I finally get more money, I've got to make a final double payment and then that one is over.

I have 4 days to get my driver's license renewed. Don't let me forget that. I know one year I blogged about being happy I remembered it and then promptly forgot and missed it.

I'm otherwise doing really well with my xanax taper, weight is holding steady this month after dropping 6 pounds, switched to organic blue corn chips after nearly two weeks of no nachos at all (no more supporting the big corn companies), and nearly doubled my vegetable intake over what it used to be. ASTYM therapy on my hand was like a magical breakthrough, going up and down stairs on my knee without any problems now, did I mention I'm already talking Christmas tree? Basically, having one of the best Octobers I've had in many years. Allergies are ridiculous between the trees forgetting to turn and suddenly dropping dried leaves during a cold rainy spell, but no problems with ears and glands complications like I used to get regularly. I'm an antihistamine machine this year.

I'm thinking about pumpkin cake for my birthday. I haven't had really good cake in ages, and y'all know I can't use regular flour so cake is a big rare deal. People who blow off gluten free and wheat allergies, try using flour or baking mix that is nearly $10 a pound. I have to make sure the flour is processed in a nut and peanut free facility (you'd be surprised how much gluten free is cross contaminated in manufacturing), so that cuts the cheaper ones out. Also discovered lasagna is fantastic with cabbage in place of the noodles, so I really enjoyed some good old fashioned homemade comfort food lasagna this month. Going to make more this weekend.

My sleep schedule is topsy-turvy more than usual lately, so I'm just going with it. I'm up when I feel like it, sleep when I feel like it, and barely keeping up with anyone in real time. I have been more relaxed lately than I have been in years, so I guess my body has finally turned off alert mode that I used to constantly live in, with all those anxiety and panic attacks and constant self monitoring and powering through and whatnot. I'm actually feeling like I'm enjoying myself just living now. That's never really happened before. I think a lot of it is solid consistent pain control and finally getting much needed surgeries and recoveries out of the way. I'm physically able to just chill and veg now without anything nagging my system constantly. It's nice.

Ten years ago I wrote Chickens Being.

Had a dream about the chickens last night.  Somehow they were people, but not like us.  I don't remember any more.  I've been wondering for some time what the world view of a chicken is like, what it's like to live like that.  You really have to bend your brain around just to think about not having hands, having such a flexible neck and moving your head everywhere without being disoriented, having feathers projecting from every inch of your body.  I think that would be terribly cumbersome.

And then to think about never being able to say how you feel to someone, never having real contact like a hug, the only comfort you ever get is simply in being part of a group, being near each other and hearing each other when you're scared or feeling sick.  What would it be like to not know more, not understand the possibility of these things?

I've been trying to wrap my brain around the concept of 'being' since I was a small child.  I was terrified very early that I had bones in me (grew up on a farm), and that the bones weren't *me*.  They go everywhere I go, make it possible for me to do and feel things with my other tissues, but they are the sign of death in every culture.  I carry the sign of death around inside of me.  I think I was dealing with that before I was even 10.

I won't go over everything I've thought since then, I'm sure it would make a book.  But I still think about it a lot, about 'being'.  About the possibilities we can't imagine, about the limitations we take for granted, about the horrifying thought of seeing ourselves both from the inside and the outside with our perspectives.  I think a lot of people can't really do that very well, and I don't know if it's the Asperger's, but I can peel away perspective and put it back together in different shapes and forms, and wonder how in the world can we be stuck in our bodies this way?  It seems impossible.  Yet here we are, experiencing.

I was always intrigued by the old testament guys who got to 'see God', or at least come close.  They always fell to their faces and couldn't move, and had to be stood back up by someone else.  The experience of being able to see outside this dimension of thought and mind was enough to disable them, either from terror or being so overwhelmed that they couldn't respond to the new sensations and realizations flooding their minds.  Maybe being aspie gives me an edge on thinking about it, because so much has been so overwhelming for me in THIS body in THIS dimension of being.  I want very badly to be able to go beyond what we are and see all this for myself.  I'm sure someone will have to stand me back up.

lyrics

me and java joe having a little talk

click pic to visit official site

In the shower going ok, so Cat Boy has super cat speed, cat balance, and cat ears, Gecko has lizard grip, invisibility, and super gecko muscles, and Owlette has owl wings, owl eyes, and...? Oh, yeah, projectile feathers. Had to go look that one up. In case you wonder what I think about in the shower.

And then during my monthly fibro maintenance massage the other day I was thinking about the cool ways I need to finish up my player shop on the game server. So I started work on that this morning. Took awhile because I can't count right for beans any more nowadays, but I got my Thunderbird moved over to start, so it has survived both a server transfer and a claim move now. I should add up what it's worth sometime, spared no expense designing it.

Had my first real ocular migraine over the last 24 hours. It was a lot like that in the demo pic on that site if you click over, but more shimmery. It was like a kaleidoscope edge that kept shimmering and moving and pulsing, while the center of my eye was all blurry and shimmery, but I could see in the periphery all around between the central blur and the outer shimmery edge encircling it all.

Another thing to watch, I guess. My mom had vision problems from time to time and loads of headaches, and eventually we found out she'd been having hundreds of TIAs that whole time. After several years she started having the big strokes. It's horrible watching a parent go down like that. It's worse realizing you're on the same path and you know your future.

I may have to stop drinking coffee altogether. Remember I caved and bought ice cream? It was my favorite, coffee. The last time I had coffee ice cream it affected me so badly that I dumped the rest out. I love coffee. But not enough to wind up with migraines and possible strokes. I also put off starting the statin my new cardiac doctor prescribed until after my surgeries. Guess I'd better get on that.

So today I'm dealing with this ugmo headache. I seem to be fine otherwise. My eye feels a little strained so I got back off game and after I post this I'm not going to read or watch anything. Really pushed it yesterday, to the point of having to ice my hand again, which I'm sure would make my entire medical team frown at me. It's not cute that I'm powering through and hurting myself. It's hard on my family. I need to be considerate and take better care of myself. And seriously, I think I'll make a plan to get back down to half a cup a coffee in the morning like I used to in the old days. One of my better years had less coffee in it and a lot more calorie and carb restraint. I know I'll feel better if I get back on that discipline.

I'm going to my happy place today. I'm going to shut my eyes and listen to this while I wander through minecraft in my mind and think about the weird dream I had last night about finding out the smaller rural post offices across America were covers for something, one of those wow moments, but waking up I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember thinking so that's why they wanted to shut down the smaller post offices... I think I tweeted something once about back when you could mail a child. (Feel free to check that on Snopes, lol.)

K, see ya. Hope your weekends (and Mondays already for some) are going well. 💗💝

Source

from my private collection circa 2007
click pic for source

Here is proof I took that pic.

I'm constantly seeing people share beautiful pix on medias saying they took the pix themselves, but they never source themselves. Guys, this is how you source yourself. Link back to storage.

I just feel like the world is getting so much sloppier nowadays. And then everyone runs to Snopes to prove whether something is true or not. All Snopes does is source something. That's all. The very best they can do is prove where the original source as of what is currently cached in search engines is from. And 'cached' disappears after a timer tics down. If content isn't brought back up by the owner for the web crawlers to keep caching, they eventually just drop off the radar.

I've been sourcing material for many years. I am one of the very few Lexx fans in the United States that still properly sources really old material, especially when the links start breaking. I am very good at researching original source content. When people poke me with "Snopes said that isn't true", they fail to understand that Snopes can only verify what they can find in researches. They cannot say without a doubt that a picture from 1994 was saved on someone's A drive before you saw it sling around Facebook for the hundredth time in 2018. I still have mountains of old storage of stuff that you can no longer find or source on the internet at all, like things from other people's now closed deviantart accounts.

Why am I saying this?

Anonymous, as a generalized hacktivist group, are like me. They source stuff. They archive and properly timestamp everything that falls in line with their obsessions. Every time the web gets scrubbed of something crucial, you can bet an anon somewhere has a copy of that original content, screenshots of those original pages, backups of original servers, something. And a lot of that is coming back to bite this year.

Many people remember something, but very few can legitimize what they remember with timestamped material that was captured before it was scrubbed off the internet. So. Much. Stuff. is coming back out this year.

Those of you mocking the qanon movement might wanna step it back a little. My readers know I love stats. Well guess what. So does Q. And when Q says there are tens of millions of us around the world, I believe it.

Q has thanked autists twice that I know of for help with all the researching, indexing, compiling, sifting, and organizing content data and lots and lots of timestamps. Autists are my people.


O_O  *live blogging*

I wish I had caught that before I clicked to close a tab. I had a facebook tab open and as I moved my mouse up and clicked I noticed a speaker symbol in the tab. You know that symbol that is used for turning up volume, or like when you put your phone on speaker phone? That was showing up in the tab. I've never seen that happen on facebook before. Interestingly, @bonenado had just come home from a political rally and we had just been talking. I guess when they say you can be heard any time, they mean it. I have chat turned off on my facebook, audio is turned completely off, mics are off, and that speaker symbol in the tab obviously meant the opposite of mute.

Interesting.

Ok, back to my thing. People new to Q stuff have no idea we've been getting daily briefings from a White House insider who is in charge of what's going on in the military. We knew so many things months ahead of what came out on mainstream news. We've known since the holidays last year this huge thing was going down. We've been part of the dissemination and even the discussion. We've been told that the reason we've been getting information like this is because they are doing everything in their power to hold back a very real war. We are literally IN World War III right now. They have been planning this for years, with one of the top priorities being as little loss of life as possible, and keeping people as calm as possible, no inciting, no rioting, no looting and tearing up cities. The whole point is to save the people.

What are we being saved from?

• Lifetime debt slavery with no escape.
• Being culled against our knowledge and our will.
• Being trafficked for greed and sport.
• Being lied to by our governments around the world.

We are being saved from very wealthy people who buy off (or murder, if they can't be bought off) inventors of anything and everything that will make life easier and more affordable, because we can't be allowed to be free of our bonds. These very wealthy people already know about cancer cures, cars that run on water, free and cheaper energy models, and ways to easily feed the world and give us all health care, but that wouldn't keep them rich, would it?

Insurance fraud is a very messy game. Don't look too closely at it. Insurance is a form of frauding people out of promised care. Something to think about. Our entire medical industry is dictated by the insurance industry. Our medical diagnostic policies are dictated by big pharma. Something to think about.

The working class works so hard to get so little back. The people pay out of pocket for being taken care of and still aren't taken care of. We are encouraged to blame the dependent, but if we'll notice, there are lots more people running and employed in giant offices shunting paperwork around the dependent than there are dependent on the programs. If you looked at all the incomes and perks from those people in those offices and compared them to the people on the programs, you would wonder if that was an elaborate money laundering scheme, since the people on the programs still remain so destitute.

I was once nearly brought into lawsuit by the state for frauding the welfare system because my caseworker didn't tell me that being restatused from college student to grad student without me doing the proper paperwork meant I was abusing the system for illegal gain. Nothing else in my life changed. I was eating a can of corn for supper so my kid would be able to eat all month, I had no furniture, and I didn't have child support. The paperwork problem was not my fault, but I was nearly sued because someone making real money with perks didn't do their job correctly and I fell through the cracks. Thankfully my life has moved on and things are a bit better now.

There are many people like me, falling through cracks.

Q and the anons want to save us from this mess. They want to clean up the mess. They want to fix things so we never get stuck in a mess like this again. No more programs designed by the filthy rich to abuse the poor they keep tied down in debt. No more punishment for trying to get out of debt. Unless you've been 'down there', you have no idea how hard it is to break out of that awful cycle, because for every dollar you might make, two are taken away, and you cannot break free from that. I did everything in my power to work and make ends meet and be a good person, and the programs kept me locked in poverty until I married out of it. Thankfully, there are kind people in this world.

I didn't plan on writing this out tonight. I was looking through old pics for a different reason entirely, and then that just popped into my head. I've said a few times a particular person is the reason I'm out here on the internet, because it's not in my nature to be public. I think she is still inspiring me.

It's important that we understand just caring about each other will solve so many problems.

I love this song. The fandom part is a perk in case the rest of this bores you.

getting so much experience right now

click for a Shannara write up

Random thought- I see "antimicrobial" as a sell point on things like plastic covered dish drainers, but I never see that word used on toys designed for water (pool, bathtub) play, especially when water can sit inside a toy and mold. Just a thought. Really grosses me out to see kids pretend toys are things to get a drink out of.

My. Hand. HURTS. That is all.

That is not all. I keep remembering all these scenes in TV shows where a character slices the palm of their hand for some reason, to prove they they are human, to make a pact, whatever. Now that I know what a cut that deep feels like and how long it takes to heal and how easily it gets infected, I'm imagining characters down the road with withered hands from nerve damage, missing hands because gangrene, and fumbly klutzy hands for weeks while they heal kind of thing. You don't just slice a hand and then go wield a sword. Or put a saddle on a horse. I can still barely lift my coffee cup.

Doi, here's a whole discussion about it.
Movie and TV characters always slice their palm open when they have to give blood

And another.
The Dramatic Palm-Slice: A Fantasy Trope I've Never Understood

Anyway, I can tell you everything that can go excruciatingly wrong with that palm slice now.

And I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking having a carpal release and knee arthroscopy on the same day, get it all done on only one plop of anesthesia, right. WRONG. Quick surgeries even back to back require extended medications in two different areas and I have had a horrible time coming off all that. It took a few days just for the anesthesia and local numbing agents to wear off, and I got so mean. I was eating people over nothing. The pain med barely covered both areas once that set up regular residence in my body, and then I got so sick and nauseated I had to get off it for a couple days, and then the pain was so brutal I had to get back on it, and I've been clocking out smaller doses so I can balance between the pain med and the actual pain without feeling sick.

I am 22 days out from surgery. I am still in this much pain.

They were not kidding when they said it would take awhile on both wrist and knee. I know I've had some tough issues in my life, but all this getting complicated, even with really fast and smooth healing, has been almost nightmarish to get through. I have a really high pain tolerance, and yowza.

I think the biggest challenge is needing to move around. The rest of my body is so tired of sitting with my leg elevated, my hand is overworked because I'm so bored, my neck is getting spiky pain and yelling at me to get up and go do stuff, and every time I do stuff I swell my knee up again, and this is just a no win situation. There is no comfort, no real rest without scrambling my brain up on meds that screw my baditude, and I cannot wait for this part to be over. Everything I'm reading says 4 to 6 weeks on both knee and wrist for some kind of 'normal' to come back.

I could go into more detail but the enraged dragon in me wants to set my laptop on fire right now, so I'd better just go.

Where's my distraction?!!!!!

psyops

click for some beautiful pictures
scroll down the page for a list of links to more Ozarks pictures

Despite last night's live tweet falling pretty flat, I had decent enough returns on it to be worth my time, plus I actually enjoyed the movie.

O_O Um...

So y'all know I crawl all over twitter and am very familiar with its structure, because I use its library system constantly to find stuff. Since twitter is real time and most people on there are either half bombed on something or just too busy to notice (or don't care), I find all kinds of patterns in the seeming chaos. I see people knee jerking their lives away. I see puppet masters making y'all dance. I see all your mood swings pretty much go up and down and in and out on cue, over and over and over. I've blogged before how every year, sometimes almost to the day, friends of mine around the world will say almost identical sentences about their depression, which raises tons of questions in someone who has a bachelor of science degree in sociology. So let's think a little bit.

What are psyops?

• Psychological operations (PSYOP) are planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motives, and objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of governments, organizations, groups, and individuals.
• PSYOP can encourage popular discontent with the opposition's leadership and by combining persuasion with a credible threat, degrade an adversary's ability to conduct or sustain military operations. They can also disrupt, confuse, and protract the adversary's decision-making process, undermining command and control.
• PSYOP involves the careful creation and dissemination of a product message. There are three types of products that are used to create these messages. They include White products which are used in overt operations and Gray and Black products which are used in covert PSYOP. White, Gray, and Black don't refer to the product's content but rather the methods used to carry out the operation.
• In order for PSYOP to be successful they must be based in reality. All messages must be consistent and must not contradict each other. Any gap between the product and reality will be quickly noticed. A credible "truth" must be presented which is consistent to all audiences. Primarily it is a component of offensive counterinformation but can be used defensively as well. 
• White PSYOP is attributable to PSYOP as a source. White is acknowledged as an official statement or act of the U.S. government, or emanates from a source associated closely enough with the U.S. government to reflect an official viewpoint. 
• The source of the gray PSYOP product is deliberately ambiguous.
• The activity engaged in appears to emanate from a source (government, party, group, organization, person) usually hostile in nature. The interest of the U.S. government is concealed and the U.S. government would deny responsibility. It is best used in support of strategic plans. Covert PSYOP is not a function of the U.S. military but instead is used in special operations due to their political sensitivity and need for higher level compartmentalization. Further, black PSYOP, to be credible, may need to disclose sensitive material, with the damage caused by information disclosure considered to be outweighed by the impact of successful deception.
• PSYOP conveys messages via visual, audio, and audiovisual media. Military psychological operations, at the tactical level, are usually delivered by loudspeaker, and face to face communication. For more deliberate campaigns, they may use leaflets, radio or television. Strategic operations may use radio or television broadcasts, various publications, airdropped leaflets, or, as part of a covert operation, with material placed in foreign news media.

Everything that goes viral is a psyop.

• #plaidshirtguy was an unpaid impromptu individual act but was still designed to get attention.
• #qanon is a White House supported military operation halting illegal acts against the U.S. Constitution, if what they purport to be doing is true.
• A whole bunch of stuff in between is about yanking your chain to either awww or froth with hate- Body shaming, racism, puppies and kittens, pictures of elite vacation spots and high class cars, sports, popular movie enculturation, celebrity deaths- it's all there molding your brain every time you scroll a feed.

When you do your research, you find out how connected many of these people are in real life. They are related by family and/or college/business friends/associates (CEOs of social media platforms), they all seem to be working under an unseen umbrella (finding out facebook was established the same day a military operation was closed was enlightening, especially when pointed out they have identical goals), high paid celebrities working with companies and making political and corporate contacts all over the world behind the scenes, 'big' money/pharma/sports/manufacturing/food being run by political interests from outside our own country, and since this is all out there and easy to research, I'll just stop there.

'We' are little people. Most of us barely have enough money to live check to check. Some of us have nest eggs that probably wouldn't last five years if there were some calamity or illness in our lives. Many of us feel helpless, frustrated, and live our entire lives depressed, watching rich people do things on our televisions.

Some of you are not ready to wake up yet. This is where you click back off the page and go back to what you were doing. I don't want to trigger you if you aren't ready yet.

I like watching rich people on social media. I'm lately in and out of the upper crust gangs who say hello and stuff to each other every day, but if you'll notice, they never really talk. Just start moving around in these groups and pretty quickly the question pops up- What is their motivation? All they ever do is say hello and good night and post beautiful pictures of wonderful places (hints that they might even really be there), that they know each other (happy birthday shows up, but very differently from the regular talking groups), and platitudes that hint of covering darkness with brave but very fragile beauty. I really do enjoy their feeds, but sometimes something gets a little too obvious, especially when someone else retweets them in a row into your incoming feed. Is this a covert message?

There are several common triggers in the above pic tweets that people inside a certain circle know. Those three pictures are all about a belief system that isn't *cough* supported in mainstream, so it must be encoded. The first pic is a child/adult relationship demo'd with goats, which is an obvious Baphomet reference. I say obvious because many Baphomet depictions show adoring children gazing up at his face. The second pic is about Moloch, a god who required child sacrifice. When you see owls showing up in some feeds, they are rather obviously not about nature so much as a trigger for something else. The third pic is as NAMBLA as it gets. A 'bear' is euphemism for a man who likes boys or children. In and of themselves, all these pictures are innocent and natural in real life. I love pictures of animals, who doesn't? But as stupid as this sounds, they've come to symbolically represent human ideologies.

Not picking on anyone in particular, but this just happens to be such an easy account to demo. Mio is a real word (and the name of many businesses and companies) but it is followed by 666 (unclear whether that is deliberate), and something I've noticed about many of these accounts- nearly all of them say 'no DMs', many of them add 'no porn' (wonder why they'd need to add that if all they do is tweet beautiful pix), and nearly all of them never respond to anyone else in any way aside from their own following. They are clearly there to touch base with each other and nothing else, no convos at all, no indication of preferences or thoughts of any kind. Once you get used to the interaction, you see they are globally networked and apparently living in the upper crust, since they occasionally hint at where they are actually sitting when they take a beautiful picture at a table with a high dollar beautiful background. It's like a game they play.

I like to look up names and definitions and see what all is out there. This one got interesting.

So MIO, 666, and suggestive natural pictures about adult/child 'relationships' might really be a thing. No wonder accounts like that have to say no DM and no porn.

I'm the kind of person who walks right by this stuff because I'm super ace and it just never occurs to me. Thanks to experiences throughout my adulthood, my eyes have been opened and I'm able to see it all around me now. These things are not coincidences. They are very carefully crafted to look like innocent coincidences, but they get into all our brains. We become so used to seeing this 'innocence' repeated over and over that we essentially become brain trained to automatically associate some things with innocence until we are staunchly defending things we'd normally find extremely offensive. I see this all the time. It's very hard for us to believe, much less imagine, that a person we've come to put on a pedestal could be involved in something heinous and reprehensible, something that would make us feel very sick. It's easier to shunt it to the automated 'innocent' pile and walk past it.

Our lives are not a series of random blunders through depression. These are carefully crafted structured mental walks through very horrible things all around us by very rich people. We are virtually blindfolded in cattle pens with no way out. Our lives suck. Their lives don't.

Until you can open your eyes, you will never understand this depression you live in. You will defend your lifestyle to its depressing end because every day we are rewarded with legal intoxication and lots of entertainment. They keep us sedated while they constantly pull strings to make us angry, awww, sad, laugh at a joke, froth at a sentence, aww again...

BACK TO PSYOPS.

You can turn that off. You can make it stop. Turn off your tech for a day, or a week. Walk away. I once walked away for a whole year. I left behind the brain yanking and found MYSELF. And then when I came back I saw all of it through different eyes. They could no longer brain yank me. They could no longer make me depressed and angry. I saw them yanking people all around me like puppets, all of them responding on cue, none of them realizing this was happening. I started walking among them and around them, free of my own chains. I found other free people trying to make the brain yanking stop, trying to wake the puppets up. I found the counter psyop. I found the revolution.

This revolution is very real. It's worldwide. It's strong. It's taking down the rich people who keep puppets in pens with blindfolds making money for them while the puppets live sad lives and die depressed.

The revolution is going to hurt some of the puppets who can't wake up. They won't understand what is happening. They'll be angry and keep defending the puppet masters. They won't know what they are defending if they won't open their eyes.

Please don't defend human trafficking and child sex rituals. Please don't defend the rich abusing the world while they play mind games on us. Please don't defend religions that aren't 'real'. Please pray for the ones who will be killed if they don't do what they are told. Please understand what celebrity suicides really are. Please open your eyes.

We are here with you, all around you. Don't be afraid. Be ready. Get ready. The revolution is upon us.

If (WHEN) the revolution is successful, #relasethepatents will happen and technology will be unhindered, and we will feed the world. There are cancer cures being suppressed, there is free energy that inventors have been murdered over to suppress, people are giving their lives trying to get truth out to the public.

Get ready. #wakeup (You will never see the #wakeup hashtag in the beautiful feeds.)

just once I'd like to see a UFO land in my yard when JWs show up

Random thoughts-

• When I drag in from a long day out in the heat including physical therapy and physically running into 5 other buildings doing errands, get home and peel off in the AC into some awesome soft loungewear, get all the stuff untangled and put away, get ready to settle in for some real rest, and remember something I stowed something in the glove box that will probably reach a high enough temp to melt if I don't go get it. +_+
• Last week was worse limping through the hours long deluge with a cane until I came home soaked up to my shoulders even with an umbrella, but the funniest part was just before I could pull out of my driveway to even leave, Jehovah Witness whipped their van in to stop me and frantically tried to do a literature touchbase before they'd let me leave, but not before they asked TWICE whether I'd like them to come back later. Clearly sitting in my car with a cane in the deluge saying I had an appointment to go to. Their dedication is both disturbing and amusing, and I'm pretty sure now that they live up the street from me and that's apparently how they've managed to keep such a sharp eye on my house all these months. The lengths I've gone to avoiding them catching me in my driveway has been movie level intense, and I guess since the last time they caught me was around Mother's Day, that little screech and whip into my drive as they were zooming by and caught sight of me in my car about to leave wasn't deterred by a little deluge. (This has gone on 8 months now, *click here for the fun*.)

That's it. My brain is gone now. Now that I've had a snack and a pain pill I'm going to go lay in bed with my leg up and listen to David talk. I've shared a bunch of bootleg stuff here and there because it's cool fun stuff to think about (and I feel important in many respects), but this one is legal, lol.

connecting dots between Zuni prophecy and the secret space program

pic clicks to the youtube video it came from

Once in awhile I will write something in response to what I see coming in on trackers. Normally I focus on my own stuff, since #pinkyblog is about me, but when I see a very determined visitor hitting a particular tag for an hour or two straight, or someone checking back over and over for awhile, I do respond to those visitors in another post, although not always clearly.

This one is a direct response to a very different visitor showing up after I wrote "long before I ever heard of the law of one". So far there are 14 total visits (according to statcounter) that started on August 18th at 9:55 a.m., I assume my time.

They've been showing up like this on blogger, as 'unknown region', since they are their own nation. Blogger shows more hits because the metrics are a little different, but since Blogger also counts other areas in the world as unknown region, I won't get into that right now.

I was a little puzzled at first. I'm familiar with the Zuni, Hopi, and Navajo reservations around where I grew up in the Four Corners region, which I've brought up before in "Real Things You Might Not Know About Me" on my Surveypalooza blog.

I've been to Chaco, grew up with a cat named Chaco, and have a desert village named Chaco on a minecraft server. I've also been to the Mesa Verde cliff dwellings in Colorado. I had never before seen direct hits from a reservation area on any of my blogs, so that really caught my attention.

So what is important about the Zuni showing up in my stats? I often mention synchronicity, so I don't take things for granted, especially when it gets my attention over and over.

It made sense to connect a few dots and put that into a search engine, so naturally I paired Zuni with David Wilcock (since I'd written that post just before the hits) and Corey Goode ('star people' show up in Native American legends). I immediately got interviews with Clifford Mahooty, the first of which I'll link here.

I'm about halfway through right now. The best part was Clifford saying that the reason the Zuni and Hopi got together last year was to come out with the truth about the Blue Star Kachina misunderstanding, which was a story that happened for tourism (like we have around the Branson area about the Bolin Gang on the train ride at Silver Dollar City), and it's not like that at all. Right away in this video we see that a dance map was really a 'technology' given to the Zuni to remember for a prophecy about our solar system going through a change, which is now in our near future. The steps precisely spell out what happens in which order, and everything around this prophecy is about astronauts that came from other star systems.

Lexx fans know I am fascinated with the Blue Star scene in Super Nova. Some fans know from The Wheel, It Turns that I think the Lexx property was buried by corporate elite who own our media because it doesn't sell the proper mass brain training. No one knew yet until just now that I think Poet Man is the Lexx symbolism for the 'left behind' who can't escape our Earth and have been working on DNA and experimentation to regain control of their own future in a secret space program so that they can escape.

And of course, Corey Goode has worked in the secret space program and now speaks for the Sphere-Being Alliance, and David Wilcock has researched and scientifically documented that our galaxy regularly travels through higher energy areas and that it's about time for another event, this one being called the Ascension Event. All these things are easy to find on youtube and fun to listen to whether you believe in any of it or not. I've been incredibly bored this month taking it easy on a bad knee and now recovering from a combination carpal release and arthroscopy, so I have caught up on hours of these talks, very refreshing because I love scifi, love science, love new thought, love what ifs, love thinking. I have been very entertained throughout August by everything I can find on David and Corey, and it falls right into line with what I'm doing on #pinkyblog to promote positivity.

So there you go, the Zuni have something important to say before the Event that was long ago predicted and prophesied by multiple cultures that would usher our world into a fifth age. There is more about that in another article.

You can see there are more youtube videos, if you are interested. 🙂

I've had the opinion for years that one of the reasons humans are being/have been pushed to develop a way off the planet was so the fallen can escape an inevitable doom. If the Ascension Mysteries are right, everyone stuck here will experience this energy change as our solar system migrates through a particular territory in our long orbit around the center of the galaxy. The fallen, the cast down know this, and they are not in forms that can survive this, like humans. That is my own opinion and not something I got off the internet.

It's fascinating to think about, at any rate.

the brilliance of the construct- "The biggest obstacle to establishing the one world government is the rapid political awakening of the masses."

"You DARE bribe Santa?! I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll be coughing up diamonds!"
―Robot Santa Claus
pic clicks to Futurama's Robot Santa wiki

4 months till Christmas.

My hand hurts. My knee is fine. My hand is all like You know those TV shows where people slice the palm of their hand with a big knife to prove something, well that's all big lie now that I know exactly what that crap feels like. My knee is humming and looking at its watch and asking when we can go jogging.

So far the only thing I can do with my right hand is type. I cannot hold my cup of coffee, turn a doorknob, pull the fridge or oven open, work a remote, or the crucial wipe my own butt with my dominant hand. Lefty will hold a coffee cup and turn a doorknob and open the fridge, even work a remote, but it says ohHELLno to the crucial.

I'm feeling very cranky. Opioid kisses only make it worse. I think I'm going to hide out in my room today and listen to David talk. I just linked his official channel, but I'm actually catching the bootleg uploads on the fly. I'm still fussed that no one has made a bad lip reading or fan video homage to this guy, because even though I'm a solid fan, that would just be so cute.

The whole Matrix movement isn't new. The en masse brain training has been going on for decades. Christmas is the perfect picture of how controlled we all are with consumerism and entertainment. Apathy and willful ignorance, guys. What is the agenda? What are we waking up from? "When there is no reaction, they take that as a mandate to pursue their particular agenda."

curious about the sales pitches

Stuff.

Bout fried my phone on this next one hiding the glow under the covers and falling asleep. The upload is viral. I wrote a tweet and a FB status about it earlier, and I pinned it. Is it coincidence it came out the day after the anniversary being talked about in the above video?

My hand hurts like hell, but my typing is already getting better. Also, my throat really hurts to swallow and I finally looked in there and found a small area that looks weird, wondering if I got a small sore or scratch when I swallowed the little airway hose under anesthesia.

Why Does My Throat Hurt After Surgery?

So I got back up out of bed after sleeping an hour and a half and I'm eating Italian nachos so I can get vicoprofen down. For my hand, not my throat. The hand thing is an ongoing problem from the last Pinky blog, if you're new.

Proof that FB is uber intrustive. The other day I bounced on a post from a publisher and next thing you know they are calling my cell phone. I don't put my cell phone out for view, even for friends, and I didn't friend that publisher page. I checked my settings, and sure enough, my phone number was viewable by friends, so I had to reset that to only me. Check your privacy settings, guys. They had another big update rollout, so just check everything. Also, really creepy that a nonfriend was able to hack that and then leave a recording on my phone. Once is bad enough, but still another publisher calling and leaving a message out of the blue within that time frame, and both of these repeat calling really ticked me off. Real publishers don't solicit by phone. Don't worry, I didn't pick up.

So the blocking begins. Again. I wanted to report for harrassment, but FB doesn't allow me to describe what happened, so how would they even know it's going on outside of FB?

Bunny got a cast change on the same day in the same building at the same time as my carpal tunnel surgery. I thought that was cool. 😎

My knee still doesn't hurt. I had to rewrap the compression bandage, definitely swollen and apparently a bit bloody under all that cotton wrap, but I keep it up a lot and use a cane 90% of the time so I'm doing ok. I have felt it squish in there a couple of times, kinda slide a couple more, and click a few times, no pain at all with any of it, even though the pictures the surgeon gave me look pretty impressive.

The best part is the vicoprofen. I hadn't had hydrocodone in any form since 2014 until my gall bladder removal last fall, and that was overwhelming because I'm like a permanent protracted withdrawal person, clenched muscles and mild hallucinations when I have to take it nowadays because I was on low dose vicodin for nearly 30 years. Today has been lovely, though. I asked for a lower dose since I tolerate pain so well, and I'm feeling wrapped in beautiful fuzzy blanket kind of love. Going to suck stopping it again, so I'm already alternating breaking pills in half. So far I'm needing every 4 hours on the dot for the hand pain, but dang it, I keep forgetting and automatically doing stuff. Every little grasp and tug is horrible and barely functioning, or like using that hand for leverage getting into bed earlier, yowza that sucked.

I spent pre surgery eating plenty of vegetables, alternating salads with cabbage soup, pan roasted brussels sprouts, microwaved sweet potato, crockpot corn on the cob, and I'm focusing on more proteins and yogurt while I'm healing. They gave me precautionary ancef (cephalasporin antibiotic) in my IV during sugery. Also got decadron (corticosteroid, precautionary for inflammation, allergic reactions, and edema), fentanyl (narcotic), lactated ringers (aggressive fluid replacement during fluid and blood loss), lidocaine (numbing agent), midazolam (benzo that induces drowsiness and acts like a roofie so you don't remember), zophran (for nausea, I'm a documented puker during and after surgeries), phenylephrine (antihistamine, also raises blood pressure), and propofol (" a short-acting medication that results in a decreased level of consciousness and lack of memory for events").

And that was on top of a serious lack of coffee and calories, so the first 48 hours are my body cleaning all that out on top of serious healing from intrusion. I'm cautiously already following slow withdrawal guidelines on the vicoprofen. Part of the jolt for a lot of people recovering from surgery is not understanding the meds going on.

From Legend of the Seeker:

Sorry no click to merch, I think it was a short-lived flash sale.
The back has the wizards rules.

Wo, stood up to do something and I'm so wasted I barely made it across the room. Funny how sensitive I am now to small dose anything after decades of handfuls of meds that I spent over 2 years cleaning off of. I felt like I had a little tiny bug crawling in my shirt nipping me, usually a protracted benzo symptom for me, but turned out to be petechaie. Every time I have something done I get new ones. I have a petechia for every spinal tap I've had, stuff like that. Some of them never go away.

I had some super cool dreams this afternoon dozing off and on. Going to try some stuff on Mo Creatures (minecraft server) when I can log back on. I'm generally not a very creative builder, even though I have huge claims with builds on them. The stuff in my dreams was like TIME TO REMODEL. I'm very excited but really can't do that till I start the therapies.

I've gotta get back to bed while the pain level is back down. See ya.

long before I ever heard of the law of one

This playing card is from the the board game
24: Countdown
which I have in my house

In 2008 I struggled with who I feel like I'm supposed to be being. I struggled with my belief system and what I inherently feel is right. I struggled to express myself against a mainstream grain that had me rigidly locked into formation to the point of self destruction. I struggled for my life, my soul, my sanity in a world full of locked rooms, rules about keeping secrets, and masks we were all supposed to be wearing. Colors suddenly seemed very important to me, and it was crucial that I find my color. I kept remembering blue, it permeated my dreams throughout my life, and I could feel it was time to migrate somehow.

Always dreaming, never sleeping, kind of seeming I'm ok,
Touching no one, having no fun, wishing to go out and play.

Hear me whisper, feel me passing, wonder what they think of me,
See me fading, I'm just shadows, tasting only what is free.

No commitment, no surrender, nothing to pretend to hide,
Live forever, slowly dying, falling out of either side.

Keep me running, flying nowhere, prancing round a misty dawn,
Racing stillness, moonlight standing, floating wreaths of breathy prawn.

Nothing matters, worldly guessing, logic hopeless reason chance,
Sculpted meaning, mindless treasure, my place is to sing and dance.

Ever since that spring I've felt like if I don't say what I'm supposed to say, what I'm here to say, I will fail. This is one of the first really honest pieces I ever wrote for public. Bluejacky (originally on xanga) is here to be honest. Going back now and rereading this after running into the Law of One is blowing me away. (That is a simplistic link for easy condensed thought, nothing else.)

(I'm struggling with the format moving this over from original since the coding went through a webkit grinder during server move years ago, and blogger won't let me preview correctly, so I'm winging this. I got it wrestled into a box on the laptop, no telling how it will look on mobile.)

Stars on a blue spectrum are moving toward us. Ever since I was born I have been fascinated by this kind of blue, blue light, blue in nature. I even wanted to be blue. Blue skin, blue hair. I sometimes dream in vivid blue.

Sometimes I feel like I have memories of something other than here as I am now. I have tried reading a few new age books and am a little disappointed at the consistent romanticism, although I long ago reached the conclusion in my childhood without anyone telling me this, that we are here to learn, and that if we fail to learn while we have the chance we get 'stuck' or something. Getting stuck is far worse suffering than any suffering we go through learning to sacrifice ourselves for love. Respect and courtesy for others in any shape or form is more important than any ideas we get in our heads that drive us apart with disdain and violence. Appreciation and contentment are more important than acquisition and pride. Truth is good, forgiveness is better. Our learning boils down to whether we pick being selfish or being selfless. Will we destroy others, or will we become wise and puzzle a way to get along?

If it is true that we travel around this universe (and others?) in all kinds of bodies while our spirits learn and grow wise, then I know I have been other places than here.

Time and distance have no meaning outside this box that contains time and distance.

As a child I looked up at the night sky and knew I came from out there. I felt this long before I ever encountered the idea. I feel like this place now, although I like it very much, is a place I am visiting. This feeling is congruent with many beliefs, including Christianity, Buddhism, and atheism.

When I first was, I was joy. I was energy- glorious, thrilling, exhilarating energy. I knew nothing else. I swam in an endless world of joyful energy, all of us bouncing and rebounding, racing, feeling nothing but joy.

That is what being alive starts out as, I am sure of it. I feel like I remember it. It's a very old memory, one I cherish, one I miss sometimes, without really knowing this or understanding it. But I want to feel that joy again. I want to feel that exhilaration and energy and swim in a sea of joy.

Was that the big bang? Was that the beginning of this universe? Will I ever know?

Over a great deal of time, I feel I became aware of a little bit going on around me. This is me, that is not me. I bump into that. That is what being alive starts teaching us. We are not alone. We interact. And over a great deal of time, we learn that we affect one another.

We start simply. Photons? Were we light? They say we come from the stars, but I'm sure that assumes our bodies are made of the elements created in the stars. What about our spirits, who we are? Is there more than this body? I feel like there is way, way more.

Over another great deal of time we learn concepts. Survive. Work to survive. Cooperate to survive. Absorb to survive. Kill to survive. Rocks don't do this. Algae, viruses, cells, organisms. Are cells self aware in some tiny way? Is that how a universe of cells in a body can communicate and cooperate so quickly? Can we become more than knee-jerk reaction, more than mindless consumption?

Over another great deal of time we learn feelings and the actions they inspire. Loyalty. Protect. Help. Give. Die to insure the survival of the whole. We become a society, aware of others. Tiny birds do this. Some insects do this. Some plants do this. Basic training for everything from the least of these to higher organisms like dogs and people.

Over more time we learn emotional pain. Loss. Anguish. The absence of others. The idea that we cherished others. The need for others. To learn from. To love. To share joy with.

And over more time we learn the strength to withstand all of this, to grow into a new kind of joy that transcends time and place, and who we are. We learn to see it all, appreciate it all, and become- what?

What is next? Please tell me it's not some inert heaven or nirvana where we stop growing. I think we have that concept all wrong.

Perhaps this universe is preparing us for the next one. Or perhaps one day we'll be outside the cauldron of universe bubbles in an completely new way of being, seeing, and feeling.

I love being here. I love learning geology, cosmology, anthropology- the histories of everything I can see. I feel like I am so lucky to be living right now, in this time and place. At no other time in human history has so much information been accessible with my fingertips while I sit in a chair. At no other time has so much knowledge been amassed. We almost know the entire history of the earth, the sun, how long they'll last, the history of our galaxy, it's probable future, and we even now know how old the universe itself is, and so many of its secrets. We were blind like salamanders in a cave only a handful of years ago, and now we can see what seems like everything.

This will never come again in human history. If anything happens to this earth, all this knowledge will be lost. If anyone survives over the next several thousand, or even a few hundred years, what's left of knowledge will become myth and legend. It will be as if we never really existed.

Blue is much more than a color to me. It is something I once was, a state of being, information I don't know how to access, a strong feeling I'm not able to verbalize. Somehow it is part of who I am, and for some reason, it feels important. I realize this could just be a manifestation of my weird aspie brain. But I also wonder if my weird aspie brain is able to feel more than this box world we live in. I have a feeling many more people can feel more than they are able to understand or willing to admit.

Enjoy learning on this earth while we have time. Enjoy that we are all precious.

I've spent years living a double life, tearing my head apart in one direction while I soak up entertainment in another. I love to think. Over the years it's become almost stupidly obvious that entertainment is a brain training medium that seems designed to stultify the actual thought process. I brought up the movie Equilibrium in an old Autisable submission called Psyching Up – Becoming Liberated. I've made a lot of progress since 2011, but even back then my dichotomies were glowing like neon.

I think it’s really bothering him that I can so easily skate around morals and ethics in noncommittal ways. I have a few opinions, but I’ve already realized a long time ago that opinions can change and that having opinions doesn’t necessarily affect the reality around my life. In fact, I believe opinions are rather useless in most instances unless they directly relate to the way I behave toward other people, and we all know I tend to believe the person in front of me is more important than any opinions I might have. I think I’ve lost him somewhere in all that.

I can see now that he was holding space for me as I navigated my way through my jungle. I know now that I learned to dissociate, that I passive aggressively displaced blame, and that I didn't live what I instinctively feel inside is right. I spent many years pinging around in my head like a pinball, defending things I actually don't even believe in. I was trained to do that. All the same, it bothered me, and I felt compelled to sift down meaning before I lost myself in wasted time.

This spring and summer I've been catching up on David Wilcock's stuff. I had always liked all the people on Ancient Aliens and often picked up books some of them wrote, but I had never chased David around the webs. Until this year. Wow, I missed a lot all this time, probably the most and the best, but like all the other synchronicity I talk about, I probably wasn't ready for it yet. As I've been listening to several years of talks, I was very surprised to hear thoughts I'd previously had coming right out of his mouth. I've run into this before, where I think something and then run into it somewhere, and have written about how ideas seem to hit a lot of people all over the world around the same time, and I joke about how all I have to do is relax and wait for someone else to do all the work developing the ideas that I feel compulsed to get into, and it's amazing how many times that has happened. It's like I just think something, I'd like to know more about this or that, and pretty quick, I run into it all over the place. Weirdly, though, quite a lot more poured out of David that I've been thinking about for years and had never run into before, because I've honestly just never looked that hard. It's been exhilarating.

But another very surprising thing showed up in David's talks. He brought up the Cabal... I've been going deep on that for awhile now, shows up on posts going back a few years, figuring out how I fit into the world picture and why I might know more than some others, but then David connected a whole buncha dots putting logic together with spirituality in a world going down a political sinkhole, tossed in Corey Goode (so fitting that his website is down right now, everyone mentioning the Cabal is being ripped out of spacetime) and everything just lit up. The whole point to being here is on the line. Our long line of evolutionary development is right on the edge of tipping over because a few super wealthy people think they own the planet. I already knew millions have been suffering for decades (millennia) for the rich and their games, but I had no idea the portent of now.

I love Jack Bauer. I love Kiefer. I'm sad Kiefer is a tool, but I'm glad I saw his existence. In spite of fails, seeds were planted.

And this was my song when I needed it most during the hardest parts of my life.

A quick look at empowerment and politeness vs hidden disability

So an older gentleman with obviously cancer surviving wife beat me to a powered door out of the building. His wife probably had at least 10 years on me, but he may have assumed I'm much younger like people often do. Bless her heart, she shoved right through that power door without the button like it was soft butter. In my experience, powered doors are much more difficult to open than non powered doors if you don't press the button.

Welp, he saw me coming, snapped into polite male toward female mode, and stepped right in front of that power button and said "You first" with an outstretched gesture. He didn't push the door open, just stood there in front of the power button.

Of course, I'm put on the spot. I had to explain that I appreciate it, but I was in a car accident and can't push the door. It got even more awkward that his wife came back and opened the door for me while he froze up to process.

If you are near a power door and want to be polite, PUSH THE BUTTON.

I do not look like I have a disability. I have spent years with the neurologist in that building over a car accident that shredded soft tissue and left me as crippled as if I were 80 before I was even 20 years old. I look good for my age, yes, but I have spent years in physical therapy getting some of my life back. I depend on power buttons as much as anyone in a wheelchair.

I love that people still try to be nice, but I hope to help people learn to be even nicer. It's so easy to reach out and press a button. No one will pounce you for wasting electricity or looking like a wimp. You don't have to prove anything, and I shouldn't have to apologize and explain my life just to get through a door.

Let's keep evolving, guys. Get past the ablist thinking and use the technology. It's there for reasons and it's time to stop debating whether it's wasteful to use it.

pinky's brain crammed into one post

click for more

~started yesterday~

So I'm doing this 1500 calorie thing again because it worked in 2011, but the main difference now is every time I start keeping track, my day/week winds up remapping into a whole new set of objectives, like lose 4 pounds, drop everything for crisis, put two pounds back on dealing with it, and it's just not a smooth one direction thing like last time. In the last 4 months I've rescheduled several things 2-3 times each until I finally just gave up and said ok, not happening, just toss it way out there a few months ahead and hopefully everything will be settled back down when we come back around to them. Everything from dental cleaning to surgery has gotten tossed around the calendar like I'm rolling dice. I've had some pretty out of control years, but this one feels like I'm hanging on in a rodeo.

Meanwhile I can feel that bone chip sliding around my knee, now that I know what that is, and it's weird how nauseated it makes me feel now thinking about it, so I just try not to. It slipped into a bad spot a few times today, and finally feeling it slide out and get squished to the back behind my knee about made me sick. All these years I've been mentally blocking that pain, and now that I can visualize it (thank you, MRI), I'm so grossed out I can hardly stand it.

These things took precedence on my silver anniversary-

• A loud argument next door that bonenado had to go break up
• A rescheduled birthday party displaced twice between a vacation and then a broken arm
• Someone I don't even know dying but wound up getting texts over
• Another person's cancer announcement from a church I don't even go to any more
•  A few other things but those are the biggies.

I guess the rest of my life will be like that. I guess that's what getting older is like. Everything from now on is all bad news and other people's problems. There's no escape unless I literally go live alone completely off the grid.

I'm getting better at not caring any more. It used to upset me that every time I had *one* day for myself, after maybe months of not having any, that day would be slammed with so much other people's stuff. It took me awhile to realize it's always been that way, and it's like that for everybody. Several people have noticed, though, that it does seem awfully coincidental with me for some reason, like the second it's finally my turn for something, 4 people slam me immediately with bad news or crisis or something. I have literally gotten back to back phone calls of pure meltdown from several unrelated people/situations within seconds of thinking "I feel pretty good today."

So my silver anniversary going by unnoticed was fine with me. I mean, bonenado got me a nice card and even handed me some extra cash to toss into my account, and I joked that I got a good wife bonus, but other than that, it was just another day. If I had spent one second thinking about how it should be special, I'm pretty sure someone would have died just to jinx it, so it's better that it stayed low key so no one would die from the cosmos making a joke about it.

What am I saying. I just said up there someone died. *slaps forehead*

~now it's today~

I know that list up there looked really selfish. That is my narcissist-autism diagnosis. How the universe rebounds off of me and my existence is the first instinctual reaction, which is kinda like being stuck in that 5 year old ego phase. I openly admit this has been one of my biggest challenges all my life. I'm not a naturally forgiving and empathetic person. Of course I feel bad for other people having worse days, good lord. But part of transparency in my personal blogging is allowing public to get a glimpse of how my head works, because I know it's hard being around people like me not understanding what makes us tick.

Every day naturally revolves around me because I am in this body living these moments head on. This is the animal level of our existence. But I have this wonderful mind that can think outside the box, and over the years I've evolved through a whole journey of complex thinking that started with 'everyone is so stupid' to 'why can't they see and fix their own stuff' to 'aw, all our heads are unique' to 'it's actually easy to forgive other people for being unique, kind of like how pets are unique' to 'God, please help all my people have a good day because life is hard and we're having a hard time'. I really do pray that. If I listed all the people I think about every single day, everyone who crosses my mind while I get through my own stuff, you would likely find yourself on this list, unless you're one of the darker lurkers who has never surfaced on the webs in front of me.

I dealt with a lot of autism and narcissism related things on my last Pinky blog before I migrated here, so if you are new and want more, there's your links. I might eventually organize a few pages here like a library system, group up links kind of thing.

I have been crazy 'bizzy' (Bunny says she gets bizzy when she twirls in circles), so I haven't been focus blogging here that much yet. I'll get some specific tags going with this post so that can start happening again.

Months ago I said I need to get back to sharing real life pix again. Time slid crazily by. I've been trying to get back to my Lexxperience work. I feel like I'm hanging on by fingertips to the edge of a tipping iceberg. Lists? HA. Every time I even make a list now my life explodes in 19 different directions.

And yet, things keep getting done...

I have about 6 hours to catch up on a big pile of chores around my house. I'm not sure what happened, but my family suddenly dove in and purged the livingroom and it's looking really nice, so it's my turn to dive back in and keep my regular chores caught up. They don't know I was up nearly all night because pain, but it's all good and I'm functional today and I can totally do this. Just need to wrap my head around and get started.

**********

2 hours just slid by. Dark and raining outside, house is so quiet, cool mood. I just need peace, you know? The world is such a rat race. In my house alone we have 2 1/2 incomes (not counting my meager SSI) and still live check to check. We live on bare basics, nothing fancy, more in the lower end of middle class. It wouldn't take much to cripple us into another bankruptcy. And that's the way the world works now, isn't it? That's just the way it's going to be now. Unless something happens and the world flips. I was halfway joking years ago that all it would take is the grids going down to automatically throw our nation into debt forgiveness. I mean, if you can't access digital debt, it's just gone, right? And then we'd have to start from scratch because our grid system is such a crazy cobbled mess of really old machinery plugged into new tech. Seriously, our national grid system is barely functional as a systemic failsafe for our population. 5G is going up everywhere, and it would be a cinch to knock it all back offline just because our grid system is a mess.

Aging And Unstable, The Nation's Electrical Grid Is 'The Weakest Link'

How Power Grid Hacks Work, and When You Should Panic

The 9 Worst Designed Cities in the US

Iraq Power Grid Shows U.S. Flaws

Energy | ASCE's 2017 Infrastructure Report Card

And that's just the top of a long list in google search looking for flaws in the U.S. grid system.

Ok, back to whatever my in the moment is. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Check out the coolest kickstarter ever.

And if you want something with some crazy cosmic intellectual meat in it, click this next for another youtube that can fill up the void around you while you get through another day. Dismiss how weird it is, just let go and float into the possibilities. It's like real life scifi opening new doors.

For those of you who immediately scrolled down for the walk-off vid, first, this teaser.

Which makes us happyhappyhappy. I can walk away now.