flip this earth

Accounts I have deleted, closed, or deactivated so far:

• Alignable
• LoseIt
• Quora
• PaperLi
• Ask.fm
• myspace

I tried to close Scrazzle, but it's still in beta and apparently they don't have any way set up to deactivate or delete accounts. I'm in limbo there.

I was going to close my Gab account before the censorship rug got yanked out, but missed that opportunity by minutes.

I was going to close part of my twitter accounts because I never play on them. I can't make myself do it yet.

Tumblr and livejournal can sit there, and all my wordpress accounts can, too.

My G+ heads up posts have gone out, and I'll be pulling all my G+ down probably by the holidays in December.

Since Lexxperience is moving to SyfyDesigns and we've got the LittleLexx 'billbored' back up, I may pull Lexx out of facebook sometime this winter. I'm very tired of facebook and have suffered real life security breaches with them several times because of their mistakes, and I may close those accounts after G+ is taken down. I'll have to plan a strategy on that one. I've been piggybacking off free hosting on social medias, maybe it's time to make a real website on a dedicated server with full tech support. I may start transferring material soon, but I'll be juggling other obligations.

Photobucket is a conundrum, hosting thousands of pics across multiple sites. They have doubled my yearly fee twice as they have grown. The content is too massive to move and reconnect all the link breakage that will cause, so I'm kind of stuck with it.

I registered a few hashtags back in 2014 and I can get them verified now, so I'm looking into that. It would be good for my personal branding. I can prove timestamp origination.

This guy keeps retweeting this tweet and it's driving me crazy. Not. a. clue. He's against the world banking system and the memes he retweets are both graphic and necessary for disclosure, but my original tweet tagged a movie director, so I imagine his notifications are looking a little funny, too. The pic of Scott Walker butt naked on a nazi flag was eye opening... Not sure how my aliens meme fits into all that unless it's a hint that the cabal is controlled from off planet, shot in the dark. I really have no clue. Or maybe he retweets and then unretweets just to get my attention so I'll retweet stuff off his timeline, but that's a jolly romp I think he should take full credit for. Heads up on the pic of the kid with his head half blown off at Gaza. Honestly, I think it's high time Americans saw the truth of what life is like when the uber wealthy stage wars over stupidity and so many lives are screwed, so I totally support that picture. If you feel the need to hate, hate on the billionaires who have the money to fund that level of crap, because most of us would have no clue how to even make a missile, much less want to live our lives doing things like that for sport. So here you go, James, Pinky just linked your timeline and you are very welcome to keep showing the world what the hell really goes on out there while we watch our TVs and booze ourselves to sleep so we won't think about how our whole lives are spent in debt slavery.

Ok, where was I. Live blogging at it's finest.

I haven't done this in months. Let's do this. While Pinky really hasn't been thinking about platform and publishing and has been a bit negligent of focusing on a personal work plan, twitter has exploded for me. I don't know if some of you think this way, but Pinky is front lines with the anons now. Pinky is part of the Q army. At first it was a bit intimidating, since most of my feeds on any media are vitriol and spew over the current administration, and I usually just don't touch that stuff with a stick. BUT. More stuff has gotten done and is still happening in the last year than has ever happened in any presidency. While people are distracted with the squabbling (I can't help picturing mainstream media platforms holding marionette strings for Punch and Judy), we've been under a state of national emergency since last Christmas, and most of America has no clue how close we came to an actual military coup. If Trump hadn't gotten into office, we'd have already disintegrated into it. The military was actually ready, they had a real plan they'd worked on for decades, and come hell or high water, they were going to step in and defend the constitution to the bitter end. We very narrowly avoided that. Y'all have Q and Trump to thank for keeping the peace so we could keep watching TV.

I've written in the past that I am a compulsive reader, and some of you know how many rabbit holes I've gone down linking things I would find here and there on the internet. Pinterest is my kryptonite, so I steer clear, but Pinky blogs have linked many official and original sites bursting with information. My blogs are read around the world by people doing specific searches, and I've had reader blitzes that dropped my jaw a few times. I'm not monetized, I barely have a real platform that I built and paid for out of pocket, but I really am taken fairly seriously as an opinion blogger when it boils down. All I'm doing is just being me.

So twitter blew up. I wasn't really pushing anything in particular, no agenda, no hashtagging to my blogs over and over like some do, no lengthy diatribes like many do, no trailblazing into forays. All I did was share what caught my attention, what I thought was important, and what I can identify with. That's all.

I've had months where I worked very hard just to get up to 70K, so 80+K was a surprise. I haven't been looking at stats this autumn because I'm dealing with surgery recoveries and I mostly just go bury myself in minecraft when I feel overwhelmed, and that seems to help me keep my emotional balance.

My engagement keeps bouncing up. I was always happy with a 1.5%. I went over 3% at one point. That is considered a bit stunning in twitter analytics. I know some people are really good at stirring up interaction and gang yap, but I'm autist and I am not a natural chatty person. I do compulsively read every single thing I'm tagged in, which on some days is pretty challenging, but since I'm multitasking so hard every day, I can't do all the click stuff and stay on track with life in general, so this engagement stuff isn't coming from me chatting it up. This first capture is for a 7 day cycle.

This next capture is for a 28 day cycle. I have never been this on fire. E.V.E.R.

Let's see what's going on. Why is my twitter going so crazy when I barely even log on, and when I do I mostly just share something that caught my personal interest. I don't tag people, I don't hashtag much, I just share something pertinent.

I have never had a blog post hit the top like this. The second one down is an actual anon project that went viral, and I was one of the very first people to see it start up and then get the tweet out from the youtube to get it translated into as many languages as possible. The third one was my usual stuff, but it pretty much tripled from my usual numbers. The fourth one down was just me feeling irked at how missing the point twitter was being with all the mainstream media interference setting off the flaming hate fires. The whole #metoo movement completely lost the point that Kavanaugh is going to help stop #themtoo, all the pedos in the human trafficking rings. Oh my god, how lost was that on the masses. Chain yank hate is so frustrating. Let's all hate the guy who is going to put child rapists behind bars, ok? Damn.

Because DAMN.

And then this. How many people completely missed that George Herbert Walker Bush's indictment went VIRAL. I grabbed it off discord and ran with it in a blog post.

Y'all can sit there and froth all you want. Pinky has bigger, better things to do. Pinky is being awesome because the mainstream is dropping the ball so badly. Click this next for an awesome cute page full of pink heroes.

It's not about left and right. It's about bad guys.

And if you don't know by now that Bush Sr is a really bad guy, again, blame the mainstream. All your dreams of the torments of hell visited on the right are going to come true, thanks to Trump and Q. All you lefties who think I've lost my mind, this is only the beginning. W is going down, too. The right vilifies Hillary, yes, but the target is much bigger than simply taking left and right down. They're taking the banks down. That is already ready to roll out. I've been hearing since last January that we need to be ready, have a month's worth of food, water, toilet paper, keep your vehicles gassed up, keep some cash on you, make sure you've got everything you need to make it through a big natural disaster, and you will survive the banking flip. Spread the word, tell everyone you can.

From gesarahelp.org

The Global Economic Security and Reform Act is a global prosperity program on the verge of being announced and activated. This program is backed by precious metals deliverable well above quattuordecillion of US dollars (40 zeros).

All 8 billion of the human population will benefit from GESARA.

And the Earth will finally be free to experience itself as the abundant planet it was created to be.

Few realize that there is more than enough gold to make all human currencies in circulation.

You can get much more super quick info with this twitter thread. FYI, the person organizing that research into information threads is a Q-appointed drops officer on discord. Front lines, people.

I grew up with a conspiracy theorist father. He followed every lead as far as it would go. Back then it was all in print or on radio. It was super rare to get real photos, especially in real time.

Nowadays, we are so saturated with fiction that we easily take for granted or dismiss reality, even when it's right under our noses. It's easy to scoff when the mainstream media platforms aren't spoonfeeding us vital information. They all repeat the same things and that's all we hear all day and night. Why might the people who own news agencies have an agenda to suppress news? We've all heard about water powered cars. Why don't they exist? We know we can charge our phones wirelessly. Why not our houses? Have you ever thought about how easy life might get if we could actually use the kind of science we see in sci-fi shows? Especially since we've had these inventions for decades...

Information is about to explode. The world is about to change. Get ready.




Wait, here's a blue pill for ya. I know that was a lot to take.

tip-toeing around regret or something

*weeks rip past me at the speed of Barry Allen*

Srsly, I try not to die a  little inside every time I miss TWD and Flash live tweets now.

Ok, so I wasn't really done with my thought organizing in the last post, due to time constraints, but let's jump back into that, shall we?

• I have finally titled a piece I'm working on about *entire brain stifles fingers and mouth*
• Still 6 pounds down from August. I'm hungry. Oh, yeah, I haven't had nachos in a week. I know everyone in the Force just felt my starvation pain. Thank you. I felt you feel that.
• Cut my coffee in half again this week. Officially down to exactly one measured cup. My big mugs look half empty now. The withdrawal headache is easing up a bit.
• The size 7-8 slippers I finally caved to picking up from Walmart this week feel like size 6. The disappointment is real. The saddest part is me having the smallest feet, so I can't gift them to anyone.
• Now that I've managed to establish a somewhat firm fuzzy boundary around my bedroom (extremely fuzzy), my entire brain of cells is chanting TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE TAKEBACKTHEHOUSE and I'm doing my best to plug my ears and go lalalalala.

I met a woman in therapy today who has nearly 20 years on me. She was there after reconstruction on thumb because arthritis ate up a bone in her wrist. Even with the usual 'growing old' rhetoric, which I heartily agree with, the context was still so lopsided that I was glad when she had to leave so our convo could be over. I'm still having difficulty empathizing with people way older than me who have less difficulty than I do and think something is so hard when clearly they've been enjoying more capability far longer than I ever dreamed, although yes, a thumb reconstruction sounds horrid. (She was literally able to do way more than I was with the exercise putty, and I'm 7 weeks out from carpal tunnel release, so clearly something is still wrong with my hand.) It's not so much feeling self pity as ok, I already dealt with that, is there anything more interesting to talk about kind of thing. I mean, so many other drops and mentions about a real life, I wouldn't have minded hearing about what she assumed was boring, right. When I'm with a therapist, I generally try to talk about something we both find interesting since they must hear pain junk every single day and they're probably sick of it, I know I am, and I'm not there to find new friends to whine about the cold snap with. She suddenly blurted all the interesting stuff as she was walking out and I felt so gypped. Really? You just leave me dangling full of questions now...

I looked up scleroderma, since my therapist thinks I have it. I have follow up with primary the day before my birthday. I'll likely get a flu shot and now possibly donate blood to see how much worse my life might have been all this time behind my back. Meh. It could certainly explain a few things, but I'm already beyond my personal life expectancy, so it's not really bothering me, aside from it also explaining a lot of how my mom went down. One of my sisters has sjogrens, the other has I think 3 kinds of arthritis all over her body, and other things abound as well, so I'm just not terribly surprised. What did you get for your birthday? Scleroderma. Oh, sounds nice. I am really appreciating the wicked sense of humor a friend of mine on my street had before she moved away, and I'm missing it lately. It didn't matter how badly something sucked, she lived her life the way she wanted and always presented as having it all together, and that humor was a sort of mockery I didn't understand back then. Totally getting it now.

I'm the sort that pulls back into a corner making sure other people are doing ok first. That's a tough challenge, especially since I'm not at all mousy about how I feel. I shut up because I love them. Well, poor @bonenado hears it, and I do regret that more often than not, but I have so many memories of what I thought of people around me as a kid, and I know how ugly grown ups can be even when they think they are being kind. I'd like to think I'm living up to this life challenge, being a natural narcissist and definitely being territorial in a matriarchal way, meaning that my challenge is about learning to be sweet. It's hard. I wasn't born sweet.

But yeah, I'm all swimming around in a head full of where are we now kind of month because here comes my birthday, and *bam*, Google pulls the G+ rug out from under me, and inside a very dark room I don't generally share even with my psychologist, the swears I can hear inside are making even me cringe.

Our world revolves around the whims of the uber wealthy, you know that right. I should have gotten slippers from my local sheepskin guy. I should have stayed my course instead of following people on wayward ventures over the many years, and there have been several. I should have branded by now. I should be merchandising already. *quietly rests head on table because banging my head on a wall would only make it worse...*

My birthday number is fascinating me this year. I mentioned becoming this age in my #Pinkyblog post pink is the new dark, or, my life without any meth whatsoever.

Kinda got lost in this. Cue the video!

me and java joe having a little talk

click pic to visit official site

In the shower going ok, so Cat Boy has super cat speed, cat balance, and cat ears, Gecko has lizard grip, invisibility, and super gecko muscles, and Owlette has owl wings, owl eyes, and...? Oh, yeah, projectile feathers. Had to go look that one up. In case you wonder what I think about in the shower.

And then during my monthly fibro maintenance massage the other day I was thinking about the cool ways I need to finish up my player shop on the game server. So I started work on that this morning. Took awhile because I can't count right for beans any more nowadays, but I got my Thunderbird moved over to start, so it has survived both a server transfer and a claim move now. I should add up what it's worth sometime, spared no expense designing it.

Had my first real ocular migraine over the last 24 hours. It was a lot like that in the demo pic on that site if you click over, but more shimmery. It was like a kaleidoscope edge that kept shimmering and moving and pulsing, while the center of my eye was all blurry and shimmery, but I could see in the periphery all around between the central blur and the outer shimmery edge encircling it all.

Another thing to watch, I guess. My mom had vision problems from time to time and loads of headaches, and eventually we found out she'd been having hundreds of TIAs that whole time. After several years she started having the big strokes. It's horrible watching a parent go down like that. It's worse realizing you're on the same path and you know your future.

I may have to stop drinking coffee altogether. Remember I caved and bought ice cream? It was my favorite, coffee. The last time I had coffee ice cream it affected me so badly that I dumped the rest out. I love coffee. But not enough to wind up with migraines and possible strokes. I also put off starting the statin my new cardiac doctor prescribed until after my surgeries. Guess I'd better get on that.

So today I'm dealing with this ugmo headache. I seem to be fine otherwise. My eye feels a little strained so I got back off game and after I post this I'm not going to read or watch anything. Really pushed it yesterday, to the point of having to ice my hand again, which I'm sure would make my entire medical team frown at me. It's not cute that I'm powering through and hurting myself. It's hard on my family. I need to be considerate and take better care of myself. And seriously, I think I'll make a plan to get back down to half a cup a coffee in the morning like I used to in the old days. One of my better years had less coffee in it and a lot more calorie and carb restraint. I know I'll feel better if I get back on that discipline.

I'm going to my happy place today. I'm going to shut my eyes and listen to this while I wander through minecraft in my mind and think about the weird dream I had last night about finding out the smaller rural post offices across America were covers for something, one of those wow moments, but waking up I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember thinking so that's why they wanted to shut down the smaller post offices... I think I tweeted something once about back when you could mail a child. (Feel free to check that on Snopes, lol.)

K, see ya. Hope your weekends (and Mondays already for some) are going well. 💗💝

getting so much experience right now

click for a Shannara write up

Random thought- I see "antimicrobial" as a sell point on things like plastic covered dish drainers, but I never see that word used on toys designed for water (pool, bathtub) play, especially when water can sit inside a toy and mold. Just a thought. Really grosses me out to see kids pretend toys are things to get a drink out of.

My. Hand. HURTS. That is all.

That is not all. I keep remembering all these scenes in TV shows where a character slices the palm of their hand for some reason, to prove they they are human, to make a pact, whatever. Now that I know what a cut that deep feels like and how long it takes to heal and how easily it gets infected, I'm imagining characters down the road with withered hands from nerve damage, missing hands because gangrene, and fumbly klutzy hands for weeks while they heal kind of thing. You don't just slice a hand and then go wield a sword. Or put a saddle on a horse. I can still barely lift my coffee cup.

Doi, here's a whole discussion about it.
Movie and TV characters always slice their palm open when they have to give blood

And another.
The Dramatic Palm-Slice: A Fantasy Trope I've Never Understood

Anyway, I can tell you everything that can go excruciatingly wrong with that palm slice now.

And I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking having a carpal release and knee arthroscopy on the same day, get it all done on only one plop of anesthesia, right. WRONG. Quick surgeries even back to back require extended medications in two different areas and I have had a horrible time coming off all that. It took a few days just for the anesthesia and local numbing agents to wear off, and I got so mean. I was eating people over nothing. The pain med barely covered both areas once that set up regular residence in my body, and then I got so sick and nauseated I had to get off it for a couple days, and then the pain was so brutal I had to get back on it, and I've been clocking out smaller doses so I can balance between the pain med and the actual pain without feeling sick.

I am 22 days out from surgery. I am still in this much pain.

They were not kidding when they said it would take awhile on both wrist and knee. I know I've had some tough issues in my life, but all this getting complicated, even with really fast and smooth healing, has been almost nightmarish to get through. I have a really high pain tolerance, and yowza.

I think the biggest challenge is needing to move around. The rest of my body is so tired of sitting with my leg elevated, my hand is overworked because I'm so bored, my neck is getting spiky pain and yelling at me to get up and go do stuff, and every time I do stuff I swell my knee up again, and this is just a no win situation. There is no comfort, no real rest without scrambling my brain up on meds that screw my baditude, and I cannot wait for this part to be over. Everything I'm reading says 4 to 6 weeks on both knee and wrist for some kind of 'normal' to come back.

I could go into more detail but the enraged dragon in me wants to set my laptop on fire right now, so I'd better just go.

Where's my distraction?!!!!!

snapping out of that hypnotic stare at a screen

click for good advice about healthy teeth

This isn't my usual fun stuff. Don't follow me down this path if you don't want to feel sick.

Halloween is a fun time. I love Halloween, it's one of my favorite holidays. I love autumn, I love the fun, I love everyone having a spooky good time.

Part of the fun is watching scary movies. I have nothing against scary movies. I have nothing against enjoying Halloween for the spooky fun of it.

But that's where it stops.

The flip side of the entire Halloween movie industry is that it callouses people to believing the acting and the stories in the films could be 'real'. Or, they become so far removed from anything on film being real that they can't believe real people could actually do anything like the films in their normal lives. The portrayal of the psychopath has become so stereotyped that we believe only psychopaths can behave that way, and that a psychopathic lifestyle is a singular incident that happens due to psychological stresses.

To accept that the things we see on Halloween films can be a real way of life for a large network of people around the world is difficult. The idea of actually hurting and killing each other for sport brings up enough repulsion in most of us that we can't cross the line of taboo and imagine feeling that way ourselves, or even if when we mentally experiment about crossing that line, we know we'd never really do anything like that. It's very difficult for us to believe that scary stuff about death and blood and fear is a real lifestyle that people live out all year. Not psychopaths. Real people like you and me. People who teach their children that it's normal to live like that.

Meeting people who've escaped this is very life transforming. They escape from people who look like us. They sound like us. They seem like us. You can't even imagine them being malicious. They are model citizens, good people with good values and morals. You'd never dream and you just can't imagine. And their kids never get rescued because no one believes them when they say something outrageously offensive about someone doing something. Like burying a baby in the yard before they moved to another state. Like being excited about earning their first 50 cents at the age of 11 from an uncle. Like being chased around a table by a father hellbent on rape, and then being tied down multiple times by a mother doing abortions in a basement. I personally cannot imagine a marriage like that, or doing that to my kids, but I've met people who've been so physically scarred from abuse that they could not have their own children.

I've indicated over several years that I'm familiar with death. I've also talked about walking along the edge of the underground. I've met people. I know things. I've done enough to know what's real and what isn't real. I've been places most people wouldn't believe could be on their own streets without anyone being any the wiser.

I know I am capable of things most people I've met would recoil from. Most people wouldn't be able to put their own pet or even a wild animal out of extreme misery, much less dismember and eat their own pets. Having said that, I'm very much against animal abuse and torture, and believe all pets are slaves. I cannot conscientiously own a pet beyond a few chickens after years of farm life. My kids have a couple of pets in my house and it's very difficult for me navigate around the personal triggers when I feel like the pets are miserable or lonely. Imagine how difficult it is for me to be around children being treated poorly. I feel people love animals more than they do other humans, and thinking about that makes me feel so sad that I can barely manage, so I have to shut that feeling down. The anger and sadness that people carry around constantly is very hard for me to be around, which has led to a very reclusive lifestyle.

So imagine meeting people who've done things to other people that are so awful you would never not have nightmares again just knowing about it. Imagine seeing something in a movie that is so much like something that has happened in real life that it makes you feel too sick to watch it, even though you know it's 'not real'.

If you like scary Halloween movies and want more, there is more. There is a lot out there coming out about real stuff going on around all of us. Death and blood and very horrible fear is a networked worldwide industry. There is a lot of money in providing children for parties and films. Some of those children survived growing up living this way, and now they are finding their voices. The irony is how deaf and blind the world around them is to what they have to say while the fascination is turned toward an industry aimed at fake gore. We all know that stuff is fake, right? It's fun.

Over the last couple of years there has been a virtual explosion of social media hate around truths coming out. The trolls have been relentless, while even CEOs of social media platforms are being called in for hearings over whether their networks protect this underground networked industry. The explosion around politics and conspiracy theories rage on and on, often enraging citizens right off the scent of the truth behind what is really going on behind the fronts on mainstream media.

Why? What is so bad about truth that it can't be allowed out into the open? Unless there are some very familiar names winding up in the investigations...

There are now over 51,000 sealed indictments on the biggest human trafficking investigation in human history in the last 8 months. That's in the U.S. Word is out that the UK is next. This is going worldwide. People are going down. People that many of you believe in and still fight for are being nailed for obstructing truth and even supporting human trafficking. Politicians. Public servants. Celebrities.

You want a really awesome thrill this Halloween? Start paying attention to what is really going on beneath all the hate on the social medias. They are going down kicking and screaming, and they are trying to keep you guys so full of hate for each other that we'll miss seeing what they are going down for.

This is it, guys. Halloween has come to the movie industry. Everything you never wanted to know or believe about people you adore in upper crust is being ripped open.


CAUTION: These videos get graphic and may be upsetting or set off PTSD triggers.


#PIZZAGATE SURVIVOR DESCRIBES HORRIFIC ABUSE!

MUST WATCH! JOHNNY DEPP EXPOSED #PIZZAGATE
(I'm not picking on Johnny, anyone who knows me knows I have a long history of being a huge fan. Some of the things in this video are pointedly leading, but they have a point in the compiled history and some of the industry involvement. I don't care about the religion or orientation debate. The point is that the actual victims got buried under the celebrity distraction. One has to ask why. I grew up with the whole Satanism in the movie and music industry conspiracy. It was a great way to get a few people really rich and goes way back beyond the Beatles to stuff back in the 50s. I could care less about that. Again, the point is that violently murdered children were dismissed by this industry.)

Worldwide paedophile ring busted in sting operation

Snuff Films - Child Murder #Pizzagate Documentary

Happy Halloween to everyone who made money in the human trafficking industry. Time to nail lids on a few coffins. These are only a few samples, and this has been going on a very long time. You can choose to dismiss this and continue chiming in the knee jerk hate fest on social medias, but like I've mentioned in a few comments here and there, trolling anyone trying to break truth through about human trafficking and especially child sexual abuse trafficking is basically saying they're fine with pedophilia. Something to think about.

Also, hats off to those with inside knowledge who wound up 'suicided'. I don't believe celebrity suicides are what the mainstream media makes them out to be, and the very heavy depression in the industry is the cost for keeping quiet.

If you'd like to wake up more (keeping in mind that all it takes to put you back to sleep is the phrase 'fake news', which basically means you've been brain trained)-

Revealed: The symbols that pedophiles use to signal their sordid sexual preferences on social media

Stop the Pedophiles

Inside suspected pedophile’s lair, a glimpse at a global child rape epidemic

Elite Hollywood Pedophile Ring

An Open Secret

That's probably enough for now. Lot more out there if you are still hooked on being actually shocked.

down time

click for South Korean memes

My biggest mistake is opening the fridge door with the surgery hand. +_+

click to get lost in pinterest

I tried a little singleplayer last night, it hurt. Not back on game yet.

click for surgeon skin in minecraft

Caught up on The 100 yesterday, 3 left for Killjoys, probably watch that today.

click for a Canadian TV blog

Got my Halloween wallpapers on a slideshow screensaver. This was on Google chrome search for 'Halloween bats wallpaper'. I tried several variations and got a few really good ones.

Decided to custom order Christmas cards this year because cheaper than the store. I think I'm done looking around for pix right now.

respawn

Big storms blowing thru and can't stay on server without being continually kicked, so I went back to single player where I've been working on my 'casual crisis' approach to conquering stress in my life. Totally forgot you can't sleep in a bed in the nether...

Survival in singleplayer is pretty intense. Probably the hardest part is not having someone to strategize with or whine to. It's all on ME.

I've enjoyed watching others play on server because we're all so different, and nearly everyone has a unique style or quirk that puts more spunk into playing together. If everyone played the same it would get boring really fast, probably not very different from an ant farm. Every single day on the multiplayer server is very different from the day before, like variables constantly being shaken up and piles of dice rolling our fates out.

In the meantime, this bone chip in my knee is hurting like crap and I can't wait to get it out of there.

I don't get to live tweet much any more nowadays, but I do a lot of thinking about Gotham. Gotham isn't a place, it's a truth. It's a compact fictionized visual of real things. We know these things are real, but we think they are far away, somewhere else, in a different sort of life. We're all in Gotham. Some of us just don't know that's what this is.

Yet.

It would probably be weird to talk about how happy I've felt lately. I know it's weird and a lot of you probably won't understand, but making the decision to stand alone in a spotlight and go rogue against the grain for so many years (bluejacky, Janika Banks, Pinky, Lexxperience, #aspienado) and say all the things I really think that tend to make people take an awkward step back from me for whatever reason has been a very lonely journey. I can't be myself and be friends with people very well, and I say and believe weird things because they aren't mainstream, and even people closest to me take me with enough salt to fill an ocean. Well, some of you have been paying attention for the last 6 years (actually 14 years as a Lexx fan, but srsly really 25 years of internet history), and lately you've seen me jump on a certain political thing, which is very unlike me to do. It turns out I'm not alone at all. There are hundreds, thousands, even millions of people all over the world coming out now with the anon #wakeup movement who think like I do, believe what I do, and want what I do. We see all the ways the masses are kept blind, kept asleep, kept enslaved, and we see the opportunity to change that. I know the world looks especially dark right now, but I am happy. My people have come out to fight the madness that is the New World Order, and I'm not alone at all any more talking about this. It's hard being the only one talking about the Illuminati logo (2016) before anyone else called it that. It's hard being the only one putting Kubrik, Plato, Orwell, and the book of Amos into one post (2015) before anyone else connects all those dots. It's hard discussing human trafficking and women not having any rights being so beautifully filmed in a scifi series (2015) and watching that go viral in Sharia law countries while Americans yawn. I've done none of this for money or attention, and for many years I've been writing about oppression, depression, and surviving being oneself with mental health diagnoses, and to what end? Well, after all these years I can only say I am so very thrilled to be watching all these things come to world attention, to be seeing so many people start standing up for what they really believe in as opposed to viral hype in popularity contests. I am not anon, because I own who I am in a very public spotlight, but I have always stood with anons and you guys know it. I support lurking, I keep saying learn to use your proxies, I make my stuff easy to find and see so no one has to out themselves showing up with an account just to see what I'm doing. #transparency And if the whole would would do that now, just stand up and be yourselves, embrace who we are and what we love in this world, and be kind allowing each other to do that, we might just see World Order and all its slavery toppled. The anons are among us, they have our backs, and they see ways to help free us of tyranny. Trust the plan. We may see the world slave owners tumble down within our lifetimes.

brain trained to fight for our right to ignorance

Click this to get lost in pages of fun stuff.

So if you were interested in what I glossed over the other day about the 12 Monkeys mocking the Nazis having a 'bell' (die glocke) that was important to the time traveling (time ending) city-sized machine called Titan, you might also find this historical compilation of interviews about very real science and experimentation compelling. I loved it.

I've said often enough that what most of us see on television is old science. What most of us barely even understand yet in science fiction is already last decade's antique trash. There's a lot of 'new' science showing up in several scifi shows last five years, but they gloss over it so quickly assuming no one will get it and instead focus on the interrelationships among team members or coping strategies of groups that the science gets lost.

What if you are seeing stuff nearly every day on television that is not only 'new' science for real, but technology we could actually be using now if it weren't for a handful of people at the top of the food chain not allowing us to have access? Because it really is true that people have already invented cars that can run very cheaply on other things than gas, that electricity can be shared and stored more efficiently in other ways than we have access to, that providing food and health care to the entire world would actually be much cheaper than fighting wars for world bankers who are wealthier than whole countries.

It really is true, and people keep dying trying to get that information out to us.

And that struggle to keep truth coming out to the public is scarier and more intense than any movie you've ever watched about fictional espionage, about any series you've ever been glued to about national defense, international strain, or corporate crime.

What if it's all real, and the people committing their lives to keeping truth alive are really in the fight for their lives, right now?

What do we really know about Julian Assange? You can say what you want, but a movie just about this last year would be intensely gripping. What do we really know about mainstream media? You can say what you want, but the timing of certain events have become so conspicuously regular and even perfectly timed that they are being predicted ahead of time regularly now. What do we really know about anything on this earth, except what we hear on opinionated talk shows and see through viral memes? You can say what you want, but no one can say anything any more without either being drowned out in automatic bah humbug or agreeing with a stampeding crowd just to keep peace with friends on social media.

What if everything you ever wanted to know about anything real going on was actually all available right under your noses with simple thumb clicks, and your brain was already so trained to brush it off as ridiculous that you never got to really know something you always really wanted to know?

My dad go so excited about gyros and torsion fields when I was a kid. He never had a real science class in his life. He got so excited about people trying to say things and then they'd be hushed up again. We all kind of shook our heads.

And now I'm finding out every bit of it was true. All the science Hitler was amassing in the brains he stole. All the crazy science that big corporations shut down because they were so busy making money on people not knowing anything. All the really cool far out futuristic science that we all eventually just brushed aside as pipe dreams because anyone who knew anything kept disappearing or dying or something and mainstream media never reported on that kind of stuff...

They kept us stupid. Even the smartest among us are stupid. We think we know stuff, but we barely know half the stuff that died and got buried along with some of the brightest brains on the planet.

Except there are some really bright brains trying their damnedest to share it, and we keep brushing them off.

what if it really is aliens?

I like the whole 'interfered and made things worse' motif coming out in the Cosmic Disclosure talks. Like, you want aliens? We got 'em. You want help? They f*d that up. Why? Because the bad ones are dicks and the good ones couldn't stop 'em. Why don't we know about this? Everything you thought you knew about how the world works is really them, and you can't handle the truth. Wait, you don't think I can handle knowing there are good and bad aliens still fighting over the ownership or freedom of humans? We don't want you to hate them. Is that what will make my head explode? You have been mindwashed to hate everything around you in society. You cannot be free as long as you hate. If I believe in love and live in peace, that will fix everything? Yes.

I have to admit, we share the same goals.

I'm still enjoying listening to all that stuff. It's just cool, whether you believe it's real or not. It's cooler than any fiction podcast ever, it's cooler than everything on TV right now, the portent about the reality behind everything going on in politics is hella exciting to think about, and this has pretty much replaced watching TV lately.

I mean, we did finally catch the very last 2 eps of 12 Monkeys, very gracefully finale'd, brava. I wanna marathon rewatch sometime because having it all dragged out over years left gaping holes in my head.

And then of course I dreamed about all of that last night, all smooshed together, plus minecraft.

cosmic ricochet

New fave search phrase that came in yesterday on the old pinky blog- images.google.com — spongebob old lady with glasses

So David Wilcock is recovering beautifully from the bad contracting and slinging out what he legally can on a new channel, in case you love hearing super cool stuff about alien contact, government conspiracy, and insider stuff going back decades. Personally, I just really like his voice. I've been a David fan since Ancient Aliens first started years ago.

Maybe we're just not ready for the future yet because we've been taught to be afraid of everything, not believe anything, shoot down anyone who says different, and toe the line for the rich rich holding us financially hostage. Whatevs. Humans have a way of backfiring all over the place.

pinkscape

click for texture pack

Pretty sure I've done that pic before. One of these days...

So yay, I was told to stop taking the amlodipine! 😁 24 hours is making such a difference already. Don't know yet if blood pressure probation is over now or what, go back in next week for a recheck.

I'm thinking about doing a Farscape marathon while my people are on vaca. Making a list this week for my kind of goodies so I can live on salads, nachos, eggs, and cheese while I have the house to myself. I'm going to cook as little as possible and let my brain fall out.

no one ever screams that, be real

So. I ran off and stopped blogging, much. For all you guys know, I could have won the lottery and disappeared onto a yacht somewhere.

That mug was perfect. I am the only person in this household history who has received an actual 4th of July present in a gift bag. The coffee I drank late in the day in that mug cured a nasty headache. I've decided this summer is not the time to cut my coffee down that drastically no matter how gradually I do it, and I was a fool for even thinking about doing that to myself. Pretty sure Kylo doesn't know how to use caffeine properly. I don't know about the rest of the movie, but that kid is the most perfect representation I've ever seen of psychotic Dark Side. The rest are all boring compared to his seething sullen rage. Too bad he's codependent on sane people around him to do his bidding, he could never have semi-conquered alone and then lost humiliatingly in front of everyone like that. Surely half his own fleet melted in his rage. I'm disappointed if the writers didn't even think of that.

We started catching up on the Lost in Space series on Netflix this week. I nearly bailed on the super slow start but we're good now. Made it through Will coaching Robot through personality alters, which seems over the top anthropomorphic yet still believable, and now I'm waiting for sulky Judy and bootstrap Don to get a believable magical moment. I'm glad they broke Maureen out of the space mom mold. Those of you too young to know this, the original June Lockhart was the stereotypical TV mom from Lassie onward. The Netflix incarnation is believably super flawed, but I'm so ready for John to stop whining, bit of overkill on his trying to live up to her emotionally punishing ways. I used to want to be the original Penny, so of course I'm identifying a bit with her again. They should have changed the Oreo packaging a little bit, but I can let that slide. Dr. Smith is perfect in every way. Every. Way. I could easily expect a mass murder out of her without anyone suspecting a thing.

I have successfully backed down on the gabapentin so the extra is over. I did about 3 months on a little extra coming through the shoulder nerve pinge therapy, but once amlodipine was tacked onto my blood pressure treatment during that, the edema showed up and those happen to be the top 2 meds for edema side effect. Sweet. Can only control one of those meds on my own, and I'm not stupid. I have bony ankles, so the goal is to keep them bony looking. I got a good grip on that and then it kinda went off track again, so I checked on amlopidine with diabetes and *bam*! Bad one. I went on a 3-day carb binge over the holiday and felt like my heart was beating out of my chest and doing 100 bpm. Welp, that's what happens when your blood glucose goes frickin up to bottle rocket level, everything in there goes a little wonky trying to deal. I hate that feeling. So I cinched the carb belt real tight again and had a very nice day yesterday, slept great. Gotta keep it paleo so that doesn't happen again. It's hard having to research and figure things out, but I refuse to go quietly sedated while my body bloats up from stupidity.

Short version- I can't be trusted with chocolate chips ever again. I did really well while I failed to keep them stocked up. Second I brought some home, uber fail straight into mocha cheesecake and beyond.

People who wanna wrecklessly go sliding into their graves like it's a blast being a crazy old person- you're all idiots. Most of you will drag your families through various hells watching you fumble awkwardly into lengthy drawn out expensive battles with impending death that you could have at least made easier with a glucose meter and some semblance of dietary dignity, but since my mom's insistence on noncompliancy in the hopes of swift salvation from this life (that backfired into life in a nursing home) is still fresh in my mind, I just can't follow her in all good conscience when I look at my own kids struggling with their own kids. I cannot be that burden that society says it's cool and fun for me to be.

click to get lost in pinterest

When doctors take one look and ask me how I'm doing something, like oh I dunno, WALKING, and this has happened over several things through my life, then you know I'm already skidding to my grave and I'd likely already be there if I hadn't changed a few things along the way. Like I've said before, I actually know people who say they'd rather die than give up something as silly as Pepsi, and dang if they don't go and actually do it. I outlived someone who said that. Seriously.

Back to today. Been a long long year already. Last few months have felt especially grueling, and I'm going to take the day off and figure the rest of the summer out. My entire summer calendar has been rescheduled 3 times already, and I haven't checked my bank or emails in ages. Not a clue what's going on with the gangs, no idea if and when I'll ever get back to work on the webs, but at least I can say I'm caught up with laundry.

Taking the day off means deep cleaning my house. Stand way back. Don't wanna get squirted in your eyeball with something through the monitor.

life imitating art imitiating life

click for fun romp thru 'chronic illness demotivational posters'

Those crack me up, lol.

So I finally made it through the rest of the Patrick Melrose miniseries, by the last ep they stopped being so subtle about the idea that the elite of the world are dying out and their children are done with their head games as they have their own children and realize how awful the generation above them are. I've been going through the same revelations myself through my own years. I think they did a really good job with the show.

@bonenado is home with me this week because scary big stuffs, so we're off and on hitting the DVR in between other things. Slammed through the last of the 12 Monkeys, and I've decided I'm going to buy that series and slam marathon the entire series over again sometime. I don't waste my money on entertainment, so that's a big deal. I really don't have the time to sit and watch TV, so I'm barely keeping up, but HUMANS and The 100 are caught up.

The more actual medical documentation I find on Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, the more thankful I  am for the weird synchronicities in my life that led to me even bringing it up with a doctor, because one sentence not being said at the right moment could have changed this path entirely. One particular info document to doctors mentions that expected mortality for untreated RMSF can be as early as 8 days, and people can take months and years to recover from the rapid damage even on antibiotic. That 5 day window is critical to staying ahead of the level of damage that causes 'neurologic changes' among a long list of other very nasty things. I have purposely pulled back just in case something spirals out of control and I don't have any more time to deal with explanations, contacted key people about current activity changes, and now this is here for everyone else. I've been in low grade fever all week, started having the headaches yesterday (brain inflammation is a huge risk with my autoimmune history), and still having difficulty walking on the affected leg with the swollen knee. The fatigue is unreal.

As far as we can tell, onset was around June 11th, BUT IF the sudden blood pressure surge 2 weeks before was part of it, I could be about a month in, and that would mean the critical antibiotic window was missed. The doxycycline *will kill* the RMSF germ, yes, but I could already have damage that could still become life threatening, or at the very least, make the summer feel much longer and more arduous than my normal spoonie summer with allergies and temp changes from AC and heat. I was already living with nerve dysfunctions and arthritis, and both the RMSF and doxy can kick off an autoimmune flare at any time, if I'm not already in one. Treating could get tricky. Best I can do is rest rest rest.

Still on the game server every day. Sorry if I'm slow to see private messages coming in. I know I had a lot more to do online, and I still have plans galore I want to get to, but it's important right now to keep my positivity focused for better healing. In the old days I crawled through coding and tweaks on bad days. I may be getting back into that, and THAT, basically, is what built my web presence in the first place.

Myke, Barry, Sam, Riv, Sploit, Vicki, Lisa Marie, Holly, #Snarkalecs, Matt, Aaron and Mel, Dylan and Dawn, all the Scotts, Mike B and his bois including the boss, movie gang (my rock), moc, fandom friends, everyone who lurks me and I know you're there watching my blunders and boofs and picking back up again- I love you. If I go through another brain crash and it's a slow climb again, I'm putting this here so I'll remember Pinky Robot euphorias started with you guys showing #aspienado how to hang out without blowing up the webs.

how does this even all mix together

Started yesterday.

 😂 omg, got to this part of the vid and rolled, I was doing this crap back in the late 70s whenever I'd get ticked off at someone in high school.

And what made it even funnier was no one ever expected it was me. I did stuff all year long to so many people and never once got caught. I can't say what all I did yet, but this is one reason why I derailed all over that school, staff and students alike. Don't tell me I'm in a triple A school and make me watch a kid OD in a hallway after a teacher supplies him, one of many things not kept terribly secret, yet never coming up in question.

I'm still waiting on a test that'll say whether or not a tick bite next to my swollen knee is the cause of this problem I've had for the last week. Today I had to very strategically park within a few steps of a shuttle pick up, 'walk' a few steps to a desk to ask for wheelchair transport assistance across and up 3 floors of a very big building, that kind of stuff. I can barely walk at all. I've had bad knee problems, but never like this. The x-ray turned out fine, still hafta schedule an MRI. I can't think of a single thing I did that might've fried my knee out. It started clicking with every step one day, then swelled the next, then my entire leg went rigid, and of course then I had no control over balance without a very complex overcompensation maneuver with every step, and finally last night I just flat couldn't even sleep any more. I finally saw and removed a teensy seed tick near the swelling area, couldn't even tell it was a tick at all because such a little dot and nearly left it there. Didn't itch or anything. After I removed it the rigidity in my leg has eased up a bit, but my knee is feeling a bit destroyed after having to walk all over a clinic to lab and imaging and back and forth from the car. No shuttle or transport service at the clinic, as it were.

At any rate, I'm cautiously on doxycycline just in case. I already carry a positive marker for Lyme from when I was younger, but there are others so the doctor ordered a full tick panel.

6 Tick-Borne Diseases That Are on the Rise

Tick-Borne Diseases Are On The Rise. Which Ones Should You Watch Out For?

Moving on to another vid.

Now it's today.

Finally braced myself and watched the second ep of Patrick Melrose this afternoon and triggered so badly that I hated the whole world for a solid hour after it was over. I had to keep reminding myself I choose not to hate now. I couldn't believe how easily triggered I was by stuff in the show completely unrelated to my own experiences, but I think the common blaring point was how much I identified with being utterly alone with so many adults around who could not only see the truth of what was happening, but literally made it worse by pushing all the wrong buttons and then abandoning the circumstances any way they could. Avoidance, passive aggressive displaced blame, anger and lashing out on a child, and the undercurrent of fear if anyone started even attempting to talk about it. All that I know very well.

Personally, I learned at a much younger age that I couldn't trust ANY adults, because they were either all stupid about playing the head games or they were manipulating with their own agendas. To see the world that way from such a young age, to never actually feel safe and comfortable with people who were automatically understood to love me, to lay awake so often at night throughout my life simply just thinking about the actions we all go through compared to the words we say and the meanings those words are supposed to have...

Right now I smell hamburgers and french fries because I cooked them, and then I retreated away into my room while the others are eating. I haven't eaten a hamburger on a bun in nearly 4 years now, and I can't even remember how long it's been since I've had french fries, 6 or 7 years maybe. Sometimes it's hard being allergic, sometimes I don't care and it doesn't bother me. This year has seemed harder for some reason.

I'm trying not to feel negative and failing a bit this week. It's one thing to share information or compose thoughts about feelings, it another thing to dump and be toxic because that's a self pity mode. I think my swollen knee is wearing me down. I feel like I'm grinding around on it trying to keep up. The laundry and dishes are still caught up. The bathrooms are clean. I'm hiding in a corner on doxycycline hoping this isn't a real tick disease. Life has sucked enough being a lyme carrier for years.

I'm too tired to cry. Even if I'm not really sick with something, I feel so tired. I know a lot of people are having problems with the heat and humidity and too much rain or not enough rain, bugs and allergies, and that's not even getting into money problems and world junk grinding us all down. I know I wasn't feeling this glum until I watched that show today though. I wonder how many people really go through that kind of hell as kids. I can't help thinking what a dirty, rotten world we live in, and yet when you look around, it's so beautiful. Humanity is the saddest story in the universe, and yet we find ways through the sad and some of us huddle together for spare bits of happy floating around on the webs. I am so, so glad we don't live on a gross, ugly planet. Can you imagine how even more depressing that would be? Did you notice today that it's pretty out there? Maybe see pix float by on your devices? I feel like we're really lucky that we're on this world, even though so much of it seems like a drag on our souls.

Doxy gives me headaches, and that is definitely being a drag right now. It usually lets up a little after a couple hours. I'll be ok. I just hope I'm not a drag on anyone while I'm like this.

One thing I've noticed is that I definitely got past that doorway I was stuck in so long. And I look back at how real I was the entire time. I really was. I never once lost my way, my focus, my drive. And I can see it's all still here, and it makes me laugh to myself. I do feel good inside, I really do. All this stuff on the outside is just distraction bummer. On the inside...?

This is me. All I have to do is remember to look in once in awhile and see myself.