One of the players on the game server built that awesome house, and I was invited to see since I crafted and sold all that red netherbrick.
I know, right? My colors.
I could live there in real life.
Weekend was super busy. While my jetsetters came and went, I deep cleaned all the bathrooms including floors and rugs, laundry, dishes, cooking, and hanging out in game practically all weekend. If I ever learn and test on the plugins I'll really be crushing it.
Basically, energy level didn't bomb out on me too badly, hand and knee kept up really well, and my brain worked the whole time. THAT is a really big deal for me.
I'm already thinking Christmas. I'm going to set up @bonenado's Vikings tree in our bay window off the kitchen. The kids can have the livingroom for their tree.
In the shower going ok, so Cat Boy has super cat speed, cat balance, and cat ears, Gecko has lizard grip, invisibility, and super gecko muscles, and Owlette has owl wings, owl eyes, and...? Oh, yeah, projectile feathers. Had to go look that one up. In case you wonder what I think about in the shower.
And then during my monthly fibro maintenance massage the other day I was thinking about the cool ways I need to finish up my player shop on the game server. So I started work on that this morning. Took awhile because I can't count right for beans any more nowadays, but I got my Thunderbird moved over to start, so it has survived both a server transfer and a claim move now. I should add up what it's worth sometime, spared no expense designing it.
Had my first real ocular migraine over the last 24 hours. It was a lot like that in the demo pic on that site if you click over, but more shimmery. It was like a kaleidoscope edge that kept shimmering and moving and pulsing, while the center of my eye was all blurry and shimmery, but I could see in the periphery all around between the central blur and the outer shimmery edge encircling it all.
Another thing to watch, I guess. My mom had vision problems from time to time and loads of headaches, and eventually we found out she'd been having hundreds of TIAs that whole time. After several years she started having the big strokes. It's horrible watching a parent go down like that. It's worse realizing you're on the same path and you know your future.
I may have to stop drinking coffee altogether. Remember I caved and bought ice cream? It was my favorite, coffee. The last time I had coffee ice cream it affected me so badly that I dumped the rest out. I love coffee. But not enough to wind up with migraines and possible strokes. I also put off starting the statin my new cardiac doctor prescribed until after my surgeries. Guess I'd better get on that.
So today I'm dealing with this ugmo headache. I seem to be fine otherwise. My eye feels a little strained so I got back off game and after I post this I'm not going to read or watch anything. Really pushed it yesterday, to the point of having to ice my hand again, which I'm sure would make my entire medical team frown at me. It's not cute that I'm powering through and hurting myself. It's hard on my family. I need to be considerate and take better care of myself. And seriously, I think I'll make a plan to get back down to half a cup a coffee in the morning like I used to in the old days. One of my better years had less coffee in it and a lot more calorie and carb restraint. I know I'll feel better if I get back on that discipline.
I'm going to my happy place today. I'm going to shut my eyes and listen to this while I wander through minecraft in my mind and think about the weird dream I had last night about finding out the smaller rural post offices across America were covers for something, one of those wow moments, but waking up I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember thinking so that's why they wanted to shut down the smaller post offices... I think I tweeted something once about back when you could mail a child. (Feel free to check that on Snopes, lol.)
K, see ya. Hope your weekends (and Mondays already for some) are going well. 💗💝
I'm trying not to eat ice cream or chocolate chips. My house is a little noisier than usual so I'm feeling compelled to fake my way through an old desire to medicate my brain into a warm fuzzy place to hang out while the noise floats over. It's not bad noise at all, even maybe cute because another kiddo hanging out, but I just don't do noise very well.
I saw that meme up there and cracked up. My typos have been super outrageous since the carpal release, and trying to type commands in a hurry on the game server have put my little game life in danger so many times. I have never lost so many weapons and tools as I have this last 4 weeks. I've lost at least 3 powered up infinity bows, several silk tools, my souped up diamond tools and sword twice over, a couple of really sweet god level silver swords, and entire inventories of whatever I had on me. Every bit of it was after-surgery typo errors. Nothing will train you to travel light like having to remake all your stuff every other day. Oh, and all that armor, even my backup sets. Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny that I could lord taking my losses like a big kid over the whiny players.
I'm not into whiny. Survival is s urvi v alfor a reason.
Kaspersky is gone. Yay! Trend Micro took it's place. Happy joy! It has a password manager. Sweet! I can't log into anything now because all the sites are refusing to acknowledge it's authority. *sobbing*
Meanwhile, Best Buy tried to double bill me by including Trend into their Geek Squad black tie service plan renewal after I'd already purchased and downloaded Trend booooo, so now that is all fqd up and I'm srsly considering just letting that one fall off renewing. I'm sure they'll email me a billion times.
Want to be an Enderman? Click to find out how.
Remember all that old talk about lists and whatever? The top of every single list nowadays is "facepalm". I'm trying to figure out if I've triumphed into a new level of 'this is life now' or if I'm just still untangling my brain from all that anesthesia and lidocaine and I'll be honest, sparsing vicoprofen through all this gabapentin feels more like I've morphed into an Enderman, so I really don't know how I'm handling #allthethings but apparently I'm handling more better than I have in many moons of years, so what the heck, I'll take facepalm if it means full throttle thrive. I just hope I don't seriously screw something up and do the regret thing.
Trying to get back on track with the basics, and boy howdy, just spent 30 minutes deleting at least a hundred emails from the last two weeks just from (power point)
2 publishers- actual did you get my email emails when I didn't respond immediately the first 3 or 4 times
go fund me- over 20 yousetupthisthingforyourfriend reminders
solar weather- apparently the sun nearly exploded or something and I missed so much stuff
microsoft- points deals supplies, did we mention sales?, ohbytheway your acct is coming due in two months and here's more points
tee shirt vendors- you bought this thing from us and it's important that you know YOU HAVE 10% COUPONS NOT BEING USED
photobucket- we changed everything and you didn't notice and we need to keep reminding you we changed everything and you didn't notice
diabetes management- hi, we know you have no idea who we are but we need to bury your inbox with life changing tips
google updates- ha, fooled you, we're a phishing scam and you can't get rid of us
That was a sample of H*U*N*D*R*E*D*S of emails burying a couple of really important things just over the last two weeks. It's not even 6 a.m. yet and even with coffee, my brain is mush.
The stitches come out of my hand at 8 a.m. today. I'm going to miss the bright blue fishing line. It's my favorite shade of blue.
This song popped into my head last night. I'm told I was conceived during a motorcycle vacation through California. I grew up on and around Hondas, and my dad owned a Honda shop. My little brother called them motorpickles. I heard this song a lot.
P.S. Dee Dee once commented on an older blog because I was talking about this Triumph motorcycle ad I still had in my house from when I was a kid.
That was my morning, standing around a chicken pen being available in chat. I should have stayed there. Later on I lost everything in my inventory when I fell out of the world because I am too strung out on a quarter chip of vicoden and too fumble fingered with these stitches in my hand to handle a moderator command switch. Oh, well.
And later I was empathizing with someone and this actually happened. It's real, and FB gifs knows it. Not a conspiracy. All I did was copy part of their own phrase into gifs and there you go.
I'm still very crabby and just staying away from as many people as possible. My crabbiness is PAIN and MEDICATION related. Nothing personal. And I will eat your head. 🐲
That's supposed to be a dragon. Not a cute dragon.
More like this. I dunno where it's from any more, it's been in my slideshow wallpapers forever.
#transparency Ok, some stuff is personal, but only on a need to know basis. Pretty sure much of my funk is being able to adequately communicate where and when I need it most. Maybe I need a bigger 'knock, please' sign on my door... The whole pulling back into my corner to stop the carnage thing is going over some heads.
My biggest mistake is opening the fridge door with the surgery hand. +_+
click to get lost in pinterest
I tried a little singleplayer last night, it hurt. Not back on game yet.
click for surgeon skin in minecraft
Caught up on The 100 yesterday, 3 left for Killjoys, probably watch that today.
click for a Canadian TV blog
Got my Halloween wallpapers on a slideshow screensaver. This was on Google chrome search for 'Halloween bats wallpaper'. I tried several variations and got a few really good ones.
Decided to custom order Christmas cards this year because cheaper than the store. I think I'm done looking around for pix right now.
A lot of people think stuff like that field across the road from my house looks messy. I think it looks beautiful. It's not exactly native prairie, but at least it's fairly indigenous nowadays since it's been neglected so long.
I finally wrapped my head around school shopping. I've decided that this year I need to fix up my bug out bag with a mobile med kit in one of those plastic pencil boxes (I'm always needing alcohol wipes and latex free bandaids or a nail clipper), a mobile post office (cards, stamps, address labels, birthday confetti, address book, colored pens), and possibly several other organized kits. It's silly being caught flatfooted so often. I thought about mailing out a birthday card to my sister 3 different times, and I finally sent it off today and it's going to be late. Anyway, I've also been anxiously checking for my college to show up in the back to school stuff, and there we go, today there was suddenly a whole bunch. And of course, Bunny has corrupted me, I found adult sized Shopkins sox, so I'm ready for back to school now.
I saw my neurologist today for 6 month follow up. I've been going every 6 months for several years. I've had 2 full needle workups making sure my nervous system is still working ok, and he coaches me into physical therapy and meds here and there. He's rather insisting that I try to ramp back up and hold at 300 mg of gabapentin 3x a day again. (I've tried it 3 times now, I keep coming back down to 200 3x.) The ultimate goal is to keep me moving as much as possible, particularly now that I have 'frozen shoulder' coming on, which is when the entire shoulder area gets so difficult to lift that you finally just can't, and the muscles 'freeze' up as they harden with scar tissue. Between the ancient car accident and subsequent years of fibromyalgia, and now arthritis starting to show up with the documented nerve impingement, I'm on my way to losing that arm if I don't keep using it as much as I possibly can. The last round of therapy last spring was brutal, but I am still retaining full range of motion even though the pain is pretty sharp and it's hard to keep moving through it. And by sharp I mean like someone stabbing me hard with a long needle into the nerve that runs over the top of my shoulder. I've been working on this arm since 2015. It was so bad in 2015 that I could barely use that arm at all, and I was close to losing the use of my fingers. I remember my mom's arms and hands finally just curling up until her hands were just fists. Aging doesn't have to be that horrible, but it takes a bit of effort to slow that down if you've got aggressive illnesses like diabetes and/or arthritis.
I'm already hearing stories about knee surgeries, lol. Scott's coworker said whatever I do, do NOT skip the pain med coming off the anesthesia. He said that was about the worst pain he ever went through till the med could kick in again. Personally, I've been through so much pain I kinda doubt I would think it's the worst, but I sincerely don't want to feel it, no.
Today's blood pressure in the office was 151/94, so it's going up again, and obviously both pain and diet related. Even with cutting calories, I'm still getting too much salt. I totally felt that yesterday. I ate an ounce of Cabot seriously sharp cheddar with a normal portion of bite sized Tostitos corn chips and wowzers, talk about a nasty headache. I'm getting so salt sensitive it's unbelievable. I started looking up diets for hypertension and ran into the DASH diet, which is part monitored fasting and mostly very restricted processed animal proteins and lots more fruits and veg. Since my diabetes is already well controlled through diet, now I've gotta control sodium. I obviously can't eat the amount of grains that DASH recommends (too carby), and I can't do the nuts and legumes (allergies), but I can definitely eat more veggies and substitute yogurt for cheese. I'm also going to cautiously try some fasting, but more like how you calorie restrict before a digestive system procedure and you have to empty your whole gut. They make sure you still get 500 calories of clear liquid, but if I do that I'll have to be smart about it, because it can get dangerous on a busy day. I'm not very good at powering through a headache, and I tend to get goofy and make poor decisions anyway, so I'll save that for days nothing is going on.
Big storms blowing thru and can't stay on server without being continually kicked, so I went back to single player where I've been working on my 'casual crisis' approach to conquering stress in my life. Totally forgot you can't sleep in a bed in the nether...
Survival in singleplayer is pretty intense. Probably the hardest part is not having someone to strategize with or whine to. It's all on ME.
I've enjoyed watching others play on server because we're all so different, and nearly everyone has a unique style or quirk that puts more spunk into playing together. If everyone played the same it would get boring really fast, probably not very different from an ant farm. Every single day on the multiplayer server is very different from the day before, like variables constantly being shaken up and piles of dice rolling our fates out.
In the meantime, this bone chip in my knee is hurting like crap and I can't wait to get it out of there.
I don't get to live tweet much any more nowadays, but I do a lot of thinking about Gotham. Gotham isn't a place, it's a truth. It's a compact fictionized visual of real things. We know these things are real, but we think they are far away, somewhere else, in a different sort of life. We're all in Gotham. Some of us just don't know that's what this is.
Yet.
It would probably be weird to talk about how happy I've felt lately. I know it's weird and a lot of you probably won't understand, but making the decision to stand alone in a spotlight and go rogue against the grain for so many years (bluejacky, Janika Banks, Pinky, Lexxperience, #aspienado) and say all the things I really think that tend to make people take an awkward step back from me for whatever reason has been a very lonely journey. I can't be myself and be friends with people very well, and I say and believe weird things because they aren't mainstream, and even people closest to me take me with enough salt to fill an ocean. Well, some of you have been paying attention for the last 6 years (actually 14 years as a Lexx fan, but srsly really 25 years of internet history), and lately you've seen me jump on a certain political thing, which is very unlike me to do. It turns out I'm not alone at all. There are hundreds, thousands, even millions of people all over the world coming out now with the anon #wakeup movement who think like I do, believe what I do, and want what I do. We see all the ways the masses are kept blind, kept asleep, kept enslaved, and we see the opportunity to change that. I know the world looks especially dark right now, but I am happy. My people have come out to fight the madness that is the New World Order, and I'm not alone at all any more talking about this. It's hard being the only one talking about the Illuminati logo (2016) before anyone else called it that. It's hard being the only one putting Kubrik, Plato, Orwell, and the book of Amos into one post (2015) before anyone else connects all those dots. It's hard discussing human trafficking and women not having any rights being so beautifully filmed in a scifi series (2015) and watching that go viral in Sharia law countries while Americans yawn. I've done none of this for money or attention, and for many years I've been writing about oppression, depression, and surviving being oneself with mental health diagnoses, and to what end? Well, after all these years I can only say I am so very thrilled to be watching all these things come to world attention, to be seeing so many people start standing up for what they really believe in as opposed to viral hype in popularity contests. I am not anon, because I own who I am in a very public spotlight, but I have always stood with anons and you guys know it. I support lurking, I keep saying learn to use your proxies, I make my stuff easy to find and see so no one has to out themselves showing up with an account just to see what I'm doing. #transparency And if the whole would would do that now, just stand up and be yourselves, embrace who we are and what we love in this world, and be kind allowing each other to do that, we might just see World Order and all its slavery toppled. The anons are among us, they have our backs, and they see ways to help free us of tyranny. Trust the plan. We may see the world slave owners tumble down within our lifetimes.
There are several words and phrases that aren't in my personal vocabulary. My top two are can't and have to.
I can do anything if I want to. I can survive horrible real life stuff that sounds impossible, and I have. I can make stuff happen on a fluke because I feel like it, and things get done. I can opt out and take a nap for whatever reason I need. But something not happening isn't because I can't, and something happening isn't because I have to.
I play online with a variety of ages and backgrounds, and one of the things I run into sometimes is off the cuff comments like "I can't play singleplayer because I get bored from ADD". I guarantee if you couldn't move out of your bed to make your life less miserable and all you had to occupy you was singleplayer for a week, you'd conquer it out of sheer boredom. You f*ng do not know what boredom is until you have been stuck in a bed unable to move or even talk to anyone for hours at a time, weeks at a time, months at a time, and maybe even years at a time.
I talked about the time I took my GRE tests at don't stop believing, just dance. I didn't say what my scores were on that post. I focused instead on the weird response I got from the professors who finally decided to allow me into graduate college, since my scores were high on two of the tests and low on the third.
If you are unfamiliar with GRE testing, here are some brief descriptions.
Verbal reasoning is the ability to comprehend and reason using concepts expressed through words. A verbal reasoning test is a form of aptitude test used by interviewers to find out how well a candidate can assess verbal logic, and how successfully they can extract the correct meaning from complex written information.
By one definition, quantitative reasoning (QR) is the application of basic mathematics skills, such as algebra, to the analysis and interpretation of real-world quantitative information in the context of a discipline or an interdisciplinary problem to draw conclusions that are relevant to students in their daily lives.
The Analytical Writing section requires you to provide focused responses based on the tasks presented, so you can accurately demonstrate your skill in directly responding to a task.
Although the GRE® Analytical Writing measure contains two discrete analytical writing tasks, a single combined score is reported because it is more reliable than a score for either task alone.
Before I go on, the next relevant thing to know is percentiles. Percentiles are like the fallout list, how all the scores stack up in a population. If you fall into the 50 percentile, you score right about even between the highest and lowest scores that came back.
“Percentile” is in everyday use, but there is no universal definition for it. The most common definition of a percentile is a number where a certain percentage of scores fall below that number. You might know that you scored 67 out of 90 on a test. But that figure has no real meaning unless you know what percentile you fall into. If you know that your score is in the 90th percentile, that means you scored better than 90% of people who took the test.
So I have 3 scores, I have a chart of average scores for the year I took the tests, and I have my percentile ranks. I can see how I did compared to other people, basically, and why this was a big deal to those professors. I took the GRE in 1992, so that's what I'm going by on the chart.
I got 520 on my verbal. Average that year among all test takers was 483. I wound up in the 63 percentile. I scored better than 63% of test takers.
I got 530 on my quantitative. Average that year among all test takers was 561. I wound up in the 21 percentile. I scored better than 21% of test takers.
I got 600 on my analytical. Average that year among all test takers was 537. I didn't see a chart conversion for the percentile, but since I scored above average, I'm pretty sure my percentile is at least over 50%.
You can see that one of those is not like the others. For someone who nearly flunked high school and had no support in my family as I single parented working overtime through college, those high scores aren't too shabby. Toss in a 60 on global assessment and autism spectrum and I can casually blow a few socks off over the story about driving there alone under all kinds of stress. But that's not the point.
The point is I could have said I can't, and the point is that I never ever told myself I have to do this. I decided I wanted to. And then I did it.
I had no coaching at all, didn't preview any pre-test advice or practice, had no idea what in the world I'd even be doing, missed one deadline and barely squeaked into a chair in another state in time for the last one, drove home miserable and worn out not knowing whether any of it was even worth it because it didn't make sense to me, and turned out it wasn't too shabby.
I almost didn't get into graduate school because of math. I was the all-time highest scoring math tester getting into a certain nursing school a few years after that, and not because I took any more math classes. Circumstances dictate some outcomes, but we can pounce all over whatever ball bounces across our courts if we care to. Ironically, I did just fine with analytical statistics in grad school.
~~~~~~~~~
Ok, that went in a completely different direction than originally intended, but I guess that was on my mind.
Power point since I wanna be done with this now-
I'm tired.
I'm really tired.
I'm really super tired.
I'm so tired that Tuesday I thought it was Sunday, Wednesday I thought it was Thursday, Thursday I thought it was Wednesday, and today I thought it was Thursday.
I'm also so tired that the stupid overtook me and I nearly sliced my best finger's whole tip off on a stupid can lid.
I'm so tired that I'll probably sleep through the pain of that just fine.
I used to get really good random youtube suggestions to help me walk off the page, but since I got into the Q stuffs, all the fun junk kinda fell off the radar. So I put in crazy search parameters to see if anyone got silly enough to make a fun David Wilcock fanvid (bad lip reading, auto tuning, crazy shipping, ~anything~ right, and I'm so disappointed in the serious crowd not being able to lighten up a little because I'm bored and want more) and immediately got this Sherlock in the middle of a list of some of the wildest alt pseudo world ending fun that I can only assume it's a note from my higher cosmic synchronized self letting me know it's ok, and I'm on the right track wanting more of David's brain on my laptop. (And David's going "Buy my books..." lol.)
Pretty sure I've done that pic before. One of these days...
So yay, I was told to stop taking the amlodipine! 😁 24 hours is making such a difference already. Don't know yet if blood pressure probation is over now or what, go back in next week for a recheck.
I'm thinking about doing a Farscape marathon while my people are on vaca. Making a list this week for my kind of goodies so I can live on salads, nachos, eggs, and cheese while I have the house to myself. I'm going to cook as little as possible and let my brain fall out.
