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My hand is very ouch. Arms and hands always were the most brutal therapy.
So here's what I've got going.
- Coffee is down to one cup a day for the last week. Slight withdrawal headache, nothing terrible.
- Started slow xanax withdraw per psychiatrist. Even on extremely low dose, my pills are being metered. We both feel the higher gabapentin dose is covering the mood swings ok.
- Nearly completely done with opioid from the surgeries. I have really drug it out, been down to a quarter pill every other day for about a week. (That actually still works.) Knee surgeon was surprised I didn't ask for a script refill, and that wasn't even counting my hand.
- I seem to have lost 6 pounds and I don't know where I put them. Pretty sure half of it was the coffee. I figured it up. My coffee creamer alone was 480 calories a day before I cut my coffee way down.
- Tomorrow is my final knee therapy.
So 6 weeks out from surgeries, hand sucks, actually doing better in some ways but the therapy is wearing it out so much that my grip is tenuous and typing is extra challenging again since starting it. My first day assessing in, my strength score for squeeze pressure was in the teens somewhere, next time in it had doubled, then last time it was 30, so I'm definitely getting that back. It's just once I do something with effort, my hand flops and says ok, taking a break now.
I had a crazy fantastic but weirdly spooky dream last night. Before we fell asleep, I was talking to @bonenado about what it must be like for people having breakthrough memories from the 20 and back work program. We're already getting snippets of disclosure from officials here and there about ETs being real, contact already made, etc, but if we get full disclosure, one of the things we'll be learning is that the 20 and back is definitely real. I mean, it's enough for me that several unconnected people have already come out with this shocking reveal, but it would be nice if it were general knowledge.
So as I was falling asleep I kind of heard a voice that said, Here, let me show you. And then I was someone else. I still felt like me, but I was experiencing someone else, like in so many other dreams I've had all my life. I was a female surgeon, and my job was detailed repairs on top ranking officials, but I never could remember exactly what I had done once it was over. It was like coming to work in the morning, getting ready for the next procedure, doing a really excellent job, cleaning up and debrief, and then once I was off work I couldn't remember what I had done. And I'd go eat supper and relax, sleep, start again the next day. I was able to see a number of days go by like this, and it started bothering me that I couldn't remember what I had been doing each day. I knew what I was trained for, and I knew I had actually done something important, but what?
I feel like I was seeing a more drastic level of mind wipe work, and I could understand the toll it took. I've been through my own memory fails and problems, anxiety and panic attacks, trying to piece timelines together from memories and paper evidence but still not being able to visualize a timeline of events in the order they happened for a period of about ten years. So when I was this other person, I could feel this familiar strain to hang on to a timeline of days, several months of work and no memory each day of what I'd done. Then without warning, a few ragged memories of doing this or that for a brief few seconds would break through, and they made no sense, and I wound up obsessing over what had I actually been doing to the point where I couldn't competently do my work any longer and had to be relieved and fully debriefed of all of it.
There are rumors that quite a large number of people have been taken into these programs and brought back and have no clue, but that when they do have breakout memories or meltdowns, they have to be re-debriefed. Some people have been through the program multiple times, which is quite a lot of experience and memories to have to deal with. Given a worldwide obsession with space in general wanting to know what's going on between NASA 'stalling out', weird stuff in the sky, and science falling flat despite all the supposed new breakthroughs and discoveries, best we can do is grumble and watch space shows on TV. Why are we obsessed with space?
Anyway, I woke up from that feeling like I had been pulled back out. There was no hazy dream state, no thought of 'me', just the first thing I remember thinking was wow, that poor woman...
This happened. It is autumn coconut meringue.
This happened. It is autumn coconut meringue.
I've had a few other dreams this year that I should have written down. I know I need to go gather them all up now. I've got my dreams scattered here and yon on the webs, and it's time to put them together. They tell a story, like a dream I had when I was very young, where I was shown everything from the camels to how they could open up the sky.
I don't usually look at the download part of my stats, so I missed it a few months ago. I also didn't realize until today that this >>> the last war <<< is the all-time top post on this blog.
I know a lot of people are being careful on the medias, and that's fine. But I 'came out' as a real person, and my flagship is the Lexx, the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes, stolen by ordinary people escaping from horrific slavery and genocide. I'm all over anyone who will stop the rape of humanity and our planet. This is our last chance, guys. There's the Q plan, there's the anons ready to launch full out cyber war, and there's us. If there really are ETs, if the SSP is real, if the Cabal doing this is real, if the world pedo trafficking is real... #wakeup! I'm not even Catholic and I can barely watch you guys eating up the entertainment like it's all a big sick joke. Well, Lexx fans know what the Cleansing is...
Anyway, someone liked this enough to swipe it.
