#lifegoals 😂
Confirmed last night my head is a *mess*. I triggered so easily over so little that I had to remove myself, took over an hour to get past it. After a lifetime of switching off while I deal, I'm aging into failing to switch and deal, so now I just pull myself into out of the way controlled meltdowns. I'm dreading the day they tell me I have Alzheimer's or something.
I know a lot of it is chemical from the med changes and the tick fever and the fatigue, so I'm not worrying about it that much.
In the meantime, part of my coping plan for the summer is regaining control over the one room in the house that should be at least half mine, so I've started cordoning off little patches of piles shoved together across my floor sadly going back to the 90s. I mean, not much of it is that ancient, but some of you know the ol' jinx on my house, the second I organize anything, the bigger some kind of bomb goes off in my immediate vicinity, so nothing is sacred in this house. HOWEVER. My people will be traveling during undisclosed days this month, and I will be here plowing out the tar pits that have been condensating while life continually goes on. It's time to put a few decades of 'important papers' through the ol' shredder kind of stuffs.
I kinda feel like I'm doing that inside my head, too. I'm not sure if it feels good because that spot is so numb I can't even feel it grinding up, but it's nice being able to see further now. Still can't tell if it's further inward or outward, but at this point I'm beginning to wonder if it was all the same in the first place.
My psychologist asked me two questions in my last two visits. My answers were yes, I'm using this person without guilt or conscience for mutual benefit because I am unable to feel anything else, and yes, I'm pretty sure this person knows I'm Janika/Pinky/Bluejacky because #pinkyblog has been doing #transparency and 'we' since January 2017.
