~~~~~~~~
Later.
Even tiny doses of opioids make me mean when they wear off. I did 3 half pills spread out yesterday, just enough to get thru the hard parts, and today I was everything evil until I finally took another half.
Now my world is soft and warm and everything looks like a magazine life, and I know now it was the drug and not me. I love again. I'm at peace again.
I clearly cannot do this to my family. Next dose will have to be a quarter. I've got to dose down as quickly as I possibly can and still keep just enough warm fuzzy to get thru the hardest parts.
One of the red flags is how wasted I feel on so little. I used to live on handfuls of pills around the clock for years before research finally caught up with experience and agreed that just doesn't work.
The worst part of any pain syndrome is the addiction/withdrawal cycles. The hardest part of living spoonie is the crippling depression and self loathing that comes with watching myself be mean to people I love.
More incentive to get healthier.
And along the way I figured out how to solve my FB problem. You know how you can custom share? They suggest making custom share groups like for family, friends, close friends, etc. I tried making common interest groups for awhile. Nothing really works without some level of frustration. I decided today that's the wrong approach. If some of my people are topic, issue, or content sensitive, I can make custom share lists based on things like fun, thinky, mood, nerdy, etc. I think taking an extra step or two will make me easier to take for some. I mean, I handle people that way in real life, right?
Ouch.
