Finally. Got assessed into hand therapy today. Came home with a light splint, a squeezy gel egg, and a couple of instructions. My right hand is officially only half as strong as my left hand right now. Today was the first time anyone said it's ok to use heat for the pain, which was bliss. I'm five weeks out from the surgery and everyone else is still saying use ice. Now that I'm back home in slight shock at the amount of pain increase over such a tiny amount of focused therapy baselines, I'm running into a spike in wrist pain, and now I'm seeing there is a wrist tendonitis dynamic with carpal tunnel and a whole page about the art of icing... 😕
~this is today~
My resolve to cut coffee down is happening, just in time for National Coffee Day, lol. I'm down to one cup a day now, and *bing* suddenly much more awake. Not a clue if that means I'm finally past the surgery exhaustion or it's really my system breaking a little more free from chemicals, since I'm also finally off the daily opioids now. Or it could be the cold front that moved in and is messing with me, who knows. Whatever is going on, I dropped another pound, so huzzah.
all my pix click out 🎃
Today is my last follow up with knee surgeon, possibly, unless there is a 3-month or something down the road. I have 3 more physical therapy appointments for knee and a sparkly new grueling occupational hand schedule that goes up through November 1st, which is also my last follow up with the hand surgeon. Somewhere in the middle of October I have primary care checkup and likely a flu shot. All the driving so far has flared impinged shoulder nerve on 'good' side, which lately is spiking up my neck into headaches (driving is bad, mkay), because it's been hurting to drive with my surgery hand, so you can imagine I will be thrilled when all this driving into town slows down in November.
Got my bank and calendar super synced this week. I'm already missing sending a couple of birthday cards (not cool when your dad makes it to 89!), so it's crucial I get all my ducks in a row before my brain collapses into an alt dimensional state of mush during the holiday slide. I usually have all my stuff lined out as far ahead of Thanksgiving as possible because by the time that gets here, I'm just done the rest of the year while Christmas blurs by and I stumble back out of my daze later in the winter.
Stuff I need to work on (super facepalm fail this month, I'm soooo sorry, guys) are getting back with Mike and Myke and Emily on stuffs we're working on, wrapping my brain around plugins so my tech-moderator tag is more than just a pretty badge, and writing. I have so many things I want / need to write / get written. There is always too much going on, and when there's not, there's depression, so swimming in syrup is just a lifestyle. That reminds me, I also had a great talk with psychiatrist about my super low dose xanax being a psychological crutch, and goal over the next six months is get it shaved down to half of what I'm taking now (very laughable in the medical world, not funny at all in the addict world), and from there get ready to leap off again. The gabapentin is my fallback for that safety net feeling, thank goodness it's good on anxiety along with the nerve pain.
click to get lost in pinterest
I know I get too blabby repeating some of this stuff, but sometimes I look back a few years at how hard it used to be just rounding up my brain to type a few sentences out, and I can see how easy this has become, and that it really has helped me stay on track and not slide into the decay of weight gain, self incrimination, hiding, justifying, and more depression. Eat your salads, kids.
I've mentioned more, like if you go on a deeper search you discover I had a minecraft skin of Donald Trump (I didn't vote for him, or for Hillary) linked back in 2016 where I said "If you guys think it's too much work to learn minecraft township code, then you really need to calm down a bit about political leaders. They have a LOT of stuff going on, and all the public hype is just that, hype to keep people wound up, because if they didn't, we'd all be passive mobs like the cows in minecraft, following players around for hay and then walking off when there isn't any. (I just made a sideways statement about the un-hyped proles being smart AIs.)", and in another post I go off a little on sideways implicating Stephen King as one of the predictive programmers possibly used by the elite for the Agenda 21 blow-off callous in our entertainment industry.
I am a big United Nations interest lurker because my birthday is on United Nations Day. I know what all that creepy symbolism is, why and when it was created, and all the ways it fails in the human dignity for all department. On the cover, it simply (if you can sift through all that) states that we need to join in a world effort to stop human indignities. A little deeper reading starts revealing that these things will be fixed through worldwide programs accessible by world citizens once nations sign on. Even deeper reading, which is a bit difficult because it's like crossing your eyes and going wait, did they mean this or something opposite and then you realize they're basically (very seriously overplanning, actually) a world government with its own world police that can take away anyone's children at any time under a guise of human dignity.
All y'alls worried about the kids at the borders probably just missed that. Also, if you haven't yet learned anything about the trafficking rings, their maps across our borders, and what happens to children along the way when intervention doesn't happen, I guess ignorance is bliss. You see a picture in a planted news story designed to yank your chain and your whole day is ruined because hating. I have no respect for that. It's shallow.
The guy that the U.N. laughed at yesterday is the ONLY WORLD LEADER IN HUMAN HISTORY to have helped oversee over 51,000 sealed indictments against human abuses in less than one year, and still stacking up. No one else has ever done this. Yes, they've talked about it. They've never done it.
The U.N. isn't about bringing us human dignity, any kind of real safety, or even world peace. They represent the Cabal. The Cabal is no longer a conspiracy theory. I've seen videos of Mr. Rothschild talking about thinning out the herds, to put it nicely. He wasn't joking. You and me are nothing more than a few cents to that man, and he doesn't give a damn how you die as long as you just do it.
I used to slide my points of view in once in awhile on my old Pinky blog. I never lost readers over it, at least that I know of. If I did, I gained more equally, at the very least. By the way, Q is the 17th number of the American English alphabet. It's been 17 years since 9/11. Something to think about.
As I've said over and over, this isn't about taking sides. I don't believe in sides. I believe all that crap is to keep us distracted while they cinch up the cattle chutes making sure we don't turn back around. We still have the freedom of choice, don't we? We get to choose which chute we identify with. We feel better when we walk into the chute with the proper label over it. We happily sort ourselves into LGBT or white/color or right/left because those choices are offered to us. They even let us think we are coming up with more choices on our own and say look, we have a chute for that right over there. And people actually slide over with their heads high about being in the right line.
We're all in the same corral.
Here's what we're supposed to be doing with our lives. Make money for other people, go shopping after work for stuff we need, go home frustrated and angry about the stuff we catch in soundbytes and memes in news feeds, eat an incredible amount of junk, placate with alcohol and drugs while we are entertained, try to sleep, repeat. If that bores us, there are lots of interactive games with even more programming that rewards the brain for playing, and then we get lots of endorphins and can sleep better.
Entertainment is a billions of dollars industry. Ever ask yourself why?
Now look back over that list. Everyone in the entertainment industry is doing stuff you'd never in your right mind do for a living. Some of the behind the scenes stuff is sick. We could get into the whys and wherefores, but the point I'm making is Our. Lives. Suck. The only human dignity in this mess is being blind to the mess, but you step a toe into the frothing pool of hate, you don't have that any more. Don't equate celebrities having more wealth with freedom to think. We all know what happens when anyone goes against the mainstream, no matter how ridiculous or awful the mainstream behaves. Bad taste, to put it politely, is mainstream. So now we ridicule people with good taste, and you know I'm talking about behavior and not how we look, right.
I didn't vote for Trump. But I'm sure as hell not laughing at him. Every time someone mocks his tweets, I just chuckle and think there's another Q confirmation someone requested.
This is the first time the American people have truly been able to interact and felt heard by an American president. No wonder they are in a tizzy.
Here, have some pre-disclosure.
Or some fantertainment.
Halloween!
Ok, I know you want this. Entertainment is boring. The news would be more awesomer if they'd tell the real truths going on out there.
In the shower going ok, so Cat Boy has super cat speed, cat balance, and cat ears, Gecko has lizard grip, invisibility, and super gecko muscles, and Owlette has owl wings, owl eyes, and...? Oh, yeah, projectile feathers. Had to go look that one up. In case you wonder what I think about in the shower.
And then during my monthly fibro maintenance massage the other day I was thinking about the cool ways I need to finish up my player shop on the game server. So I started work on that this morning. Took awhile because I can't count right for beans any more nowadays, but I got my Thunderbird moved over to start, so it has survived both a server transfer and a claim move now. I should add up what it's worth sometime, spared no expense designing it.
Had my first real ocular migraine over the last 24 hours. It was a lot like that in the demo pic on that site if you click over, but more shimmery. It was like a kaleidoscope edge that kept shimmering and moving and pulsing, while the center of my eye was all blurry and shimmery, but I could see in the periphery all around between the central blur and the outer shimmery edge encircling it all.
Another thing to watch, I guess. My mom had vision problems from time to time and loads of headaches, and eventually we found out she'd been having hundreds of TIAs that whole time. After several years she started having the big strokes. It's horrible watching a parent go down like that. It's worse realizing you're on the same path and you know your future.
I may have to stop drinking coffee altogether. Remember I caved and bought ice cream? It was my favorite, coffee. The last time I had coffee ice cream it affected me so badly that I dumped the rest out. I love coffee. But not enough to wind up with migraines and possible strokes. I also put off starting the statin my new cardiac doctor prescribed until after my surgeries. Guess I'd better get on that.
So today I'm dealing with this ugmo headache. I seem to be fine otherwise. My eye feels a little strained so I got back off game and after I post this I'm not going to read or watch anything. Really pushed it yesterday, to the point of having to ice my hand again, which I'm sure would make my entire medical team frown at me. It's not cute that I'm powering through and hurting myself. It's hard on my family. I need to be considerate and take better care of myself. And seriously, I think I'll make a plan to get back down to half a cup a coffee in the morning like I used to in the old days. One of my better years had less coffee in it and a lot more calorie and carb restraint. I know I'll feel better if I get back on that discipline.
I'm going to my happy place today. I'm going to shut my eyes and listen to this while I wander through minecraft in my mind and think about the weird dream I had last night about finding out the smaller rural post offices across America were covers for something, one of those wow moments, but waking up I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember thinking so that's why they wanted to shut down the smaller post offices... I think I tweeted something once about back when you could mail a child. (Feel free to check that on Snopes, lol.)
K, see ya. Hope your weekends (and Mondays already for some) are going well. 💗💝
